Patiently Waiting....

Quick, steady perservearance.  Even-tempered care.  An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.  The bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. All of these define one of the most difficult virtues we struggle with....patience.  From the moment, you could understand, the art of being patient was explained; whether through your mother, a friend, quotes, or even the Bible, there are a number of things that point to need of being patient.  In a world where we know that time always wins, why is it so hard to wait?

At this point, if you've been following me, you know that I aspire to do many things.  I write for a couple magazines, am a creative editor for a couple more, was recently featured on a talk show (POV Talkshow ft. Stephanie Benoit), am working on my website, and am working on motivational speaking.  I'm believing God that it is just the beginning.  Although, I wanted things to get moving for so long, when I looked back at who I was a few years ago, nothing would have worked at that time.  The person that I was then had not gone through as many vital learning experiences as I have now.  One night, as I was laying in bed, something clicked.  I reliazed that the person who I was then could never successfully be the person who I am now.  My passsion is to help people through empowerment and motivation.  The struggles that I went through positioned me to soften my heart and increase my empathy.  It caused me to understand the struggle, rather than just talk about it.  It caused me to change my ways in a way that was only fitting for the torch that I would carry.  To really be successful in my chosen path, especially to the degree that I want, I have to become the very change and evolution that I desire to help others with.  Years ago, if I would have taken this career path, I would've inevitably failed.  I wasn't ready, but now, I'm walking in my purpose on purpose.  I can handle this walk now because I  began my journey at the right TIME.

Relationships....there are a billion ways to discuss this one topic.  So many variables go into meeting and being with the love of your life.  Love, true love can be dangerously consuming.  Sometimes, without you knowing, that desire for someone can hinder the person you're supposed to become.  The issue is not whether you two are made for each other.  The issue is the growth that fails to occur, because of it. Everyone (along with myself included) has been in love.  You know, the love that silently crushes you when you ponder the possibility of no longer being with them. You envelope yourself in thoughts of them and whether you realize it or not, that relationship may be the hiccup to your next step in life.  At the moment that the relationship ends, you are devastated; broken even.  You wrestle with thoughts of why that person even entered your life if they weren't there to stay for good.  What you can't see is that it's not the right TIME.  You must grow separately to be able to grow together into something that will be everlasting.  It just may not be that you're not meant to be with that person.  It just may be that it's not the right time and if God has it so, that he or she is who you belong with, then it will be...at the right time...with a little PATIENCE. 

It's a tough thing to wait, but it's worth it.  Great things don't come easily and without work and patience.  Don't be discouraged by the things you don't acquire on your own time.  If a mother decides to have her baby at 6 months instead of 9 and the baby doesn't make it, does it mean she wasn't meant to mother this beautiful life?  No, it means that at 6 months wasn't the right time.  As a baby grows and develops, it's gathers nutrients and stretches for the survival of a lifetime.  The same goes for us.  That wait time is utero.  We are growing and stretching to be able to sustain the blessings we are given. 

As 2011 comes to a close, and 2012 shines brightly on all your desires, remember to exercise a little patience.  All great things come in due TIME. 

Happy New Year everyone! :)

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Going Out With a Bang....

So it's the beginning of December and all you can think is "where has the year gone?!"  It feels like we were just clanging glasses of champagne, screaming "happy new year" and leaning in for that oh-so-important smooch.  Many people are also ransacking their place looking for that pivotal, resolution list that was supposed to change their life and make 2011 the best year ever!!!!  Well...if you haven't crossed off many things on that list, you've found out, (and the hard way I might add), that without hard work and consistent effort, you can't accomplish things...and haven't.  

I know that at this time of year, people are thinking "maybe I'll just start my new goals next year," but there's no need to wait!  You can start right now!  Here are some tips to getting a head start on 2012.

• Revamp that list- So you accomplished a few things...great!  What about those other important tasks/goals?  Study your list and choose 2 things that you are definite you can accomplish before the year's end.  BE REALISTIC!  Do not choose something that you aren't sure you can complete.  This will only push you further back on the road to accomplish your goals.  Not only will completing the tasks take some things off of your list, it will positively propel you into the new year!  
• Assess your purpose- In the time span of a year, a lot of things can change.  Make sure that you're still en route to the same desires that you had the year prior.  Not knowing and changing mid-way through the year will kill your momentum. Know where you want to go and do whatever prepartory things it takes in order to start your year off right.  Last year, I decided to get some goals done early and it did wonders for this year.   
• Target Date- For all your goals, have a target date.  A target date makes you accountable.  When you put an action date in the atmosphere, you put yourself in a place where you have to get moving on your goals.  Having those dates will get you revved up to make this upcoming year your most successful!
• Action Plan- I love these!  Within every coaching session I conduct, I compile an action plan with my client in order to have a blueprint to assist them in completing their goal.  Often times, we have great ideas, but have no idea how to accomplish them. When we get stuck at the unprogressive place, we end up procrastinating not because we don't want to do it, but because we don't know how.  A plan of action will help guide you in the best way to go for your goal!

Yes, 2012 will be awesome if you want it to, but 2011 isn't gone yet!  Use each day to the fullest and work on your dream NOW.  Everyday is a gift, therefore we can't get caught up in the unknown of the future.  The only moment you have is the one that you're in, so use it and be grateful for it.  The greatest thing you can do is become the person that God created you to be.  So what are you waiting for?!  Get started and go out with a bang!  

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

What's Your Review?

Reviews are something that is so small, but can make a major impact.  Think about it.  Before you go see a movie, visit a city, or eat at a restaurant, you often check out the reviews, and based on the overall consensus, you indulge, or you don't.  Reviews aren't only for places and things; they're also for people.  Every action you take adds to your personal review.  How many stars do you think you have?   

There was someone I used to work with who redefined what an 'awful' co-worker was. This person was one of the rudest people I had ever met---to say the least.  The majority of co-workers didn't get along with this person either.  With little regard to the feelings of others, or dare I say, RESPECTING others, this person meandered around without a care in the world.   A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from a friend of mine.  Coincidentally, the miserable co-worker was applying for a new job and my friend was the one who was interviewing this person.  Small world!  Wanting to ensure that she made the right decision, my friend asked me to chime in on the real deal and let her know if it would be the right choice.  I really wished that I had something positive to say, but unfortunately, the negative came to my mind...and fast.  After, I shared my experience with this former co-worker, my friend politely stated "Okay.  I'll be moving the resume to the top of the trash when I get to the office on Monday morning."  Wow.  A few honest words from me and bam!....missed opportunity.  Little did this person know that I would oneday be the one person to vouch for their reputation and work ethic. 

I took this thought even further.  I have a strong work ethic and in building my personal brand, I understand what it takes to make myself known and reach my desires.  I do a lot.  I am editor for 2 magazines as well as a contributor for several others.  I'm a Certified Life Coach, a motivational speaker, and am currently co-authoring a book.  These are just a few of the things I'm working on.  When you enter a new industry in which you have no experience, you MUST be willing to sacrifice in order to build your resume.  What does that mean?  It means starting from the ground up and possibly taking advantage of opportunities that provide a wealth of experience that will generate income in the future.  In lamens terms, doing it for free now, lol.  I've had many people ask me how I can work so hard for certain things and not get paid for it.  After I explain that there are other ways of being compensated, especially when you have a long term goal, I also explain the importance of this: with every action you take, you are creating your very own review.  My work ethic is naturally who I am, but it is important to make sure that you are giving 100% in everything you do.  You see, my review, won't be "Stephanie is cool, but her work ethic sucks."  I can rest assured that all my hard work, my positive attitude, and my genuine desire to be of service to others, will always provide me with the best review possible from everyone I work with, every life I touch, and every word I write.  I can be confident that no matter who you ask, they'll have something positive to say.  My review will cause you to want to see me, meet me, talk to me, etc. 

I want to close with this: you never know who knows who.  Your big break may lie in the words of someone you didn't even know was connected to your opportunity.  Don't dismiss the things or people that you deem unimportant and uninfluential.  Allow your daily actions to create your best review and watch doors open up in your favor for your future!

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Sweet Treat Friday!

What's better than a Friday?  A sweet treat to go along with the end of your week!  Some of you may or may not know, but I love to cook and bake.  I grew up watching my mother cook everything under the sun sprinkled with carribean flavor, so it was natural for me to pick up cooking.  I love trying new things and one of my favorite places to search for new recipes is The Food Network. Looking to give in to my sweet tooth, I searched for a good dessert recipe and stumbled on Paula Deen's Peach Cobbler.  I tried this a long time ago, but wanted to do my own thing in terms of the ingredients.  Two words: bad idea!  For those who don't really bake, know that baking is more of an exact science.  When cooking, you have more room to sprinkle a little bit of this and add a little bit of that, but when baking, every measurement needs to be exact.  The smallest change could ruin your recipe. 

This peach cobbler is perfect way to end your week, cozy up on the couch, and rest.  Now that the cold weather is upon us, it's the best time to warm up with this delicious dessert!

Paula Deen's Peach Cobbler

Ingredients

4 cups peeled, sliced peaches

2 cups sugar, divided

1/2 cup water

8 tablespoons butter

1 1/2 cups self-rising flour

1 1/2 cups milk

Ground cinnamon, optional

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine the peaches, 1 cup sugar, and water in a saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from the heat.

Put the butter in a 3-quart baking dish and place in oven to melt.

Mix remaining 1 cup sugar, flour, and milk slowly to prevent clumping. Pour mixture over melted butter. Do not stir. Spoon fruit on top, gently pouring in syrup. Sprinkle top with ground cinnamon, if using. Batter will rise to top during baking. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes.

To serve, scoop onto a plate and serve with your choice of whipped cream or vanilla ice cream

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

The Light of the Dark.....

Darkness. When one thinks of the dark, you think of nothingness. The darkness is seen as cold, frightening, and eerily blinding. What can you see in the dark? Most would say 'nothing' but the darkness can show you more than you think. It's really up to what you're willing to see.

A few nights ago, my power went out. At first, I was startled. I grabbed my phone, feverishly dialed the electric company, and prepared to engage in a verbal war (dramatic, I know, lol). After much back and forth, and many promises that the problem is being worked on, I hung up and decided to accept my momentary fate. As I lay there in the stillness, I began to think. Everyday we are bombarded with the soundtrack of life. This playlist is filled with traffic noises, the humdrum beats of office machinery, the misery that lies in the news, and the negativity that spews from the mouth of so many people around you. The list goes on and on. If you notice, a lot of what surrounds us on a daily basis isn't the most positive and much of it you can't control. The only thing you can control is your reaction to it, but sometimes, the mere presence of the negative is exhausting. Couple those things with the ongoing issues in your personal life, and it can send your mind into overdrive. When you come home, there are another set of things that can trigger your thoughts. The tv, the radio, the phone, the computer...all of these things offer their two-cents on where your mind should be. And as much we may say that we need a mental time-out, we rarely get the chance to take one.

As I laid in the dark, I found no choice but to take my "time-out." In that time, I was forced to face my true thoughts. You know, the ones you run from throughout the day that always find a way to catch you at night; the ones that force you to face your truths. I had nowhere to run, so I didn't. In the dark, so much light was shed. It exposed the truly important things. It's difficult to see how trivial some things are until you have even less and with that realization, I became even more grateful. I began to thank God in the dark for the things He's done and given me, and for everything else that was on the way! Most importantly, I thanked Him that this was a momentary power lapse, versus some people who can only afford to live in the dark. The darkness for me that night became the light that exposed me to really see.

You may not have a power outage that forces you to be still, but it is in the quiet of those dark moments that you really see. In the upcoming week, I urge you to create your own make-shift blackout. Don't run from your thoughts...fall into the arms of them. Remember the important things and be grateful for everything, good and bad, for the experiences of the bad provides you with the empiricism that allows for a better experience in the future, void of the same mistakes. Lay in the dark...and let the light in.

Until next time...keep the forward movement... 

Creativity Works- Written for Kidmunicator

So you want to be an author. You’ve been writing for years and are constantly celebrated for your effortless, God-given talent. Well, there’s no time like the present to publish. If you want to become an author, but aren’t sure how, follow these few tips to turn your creative writing into your own book!

1. Compile Your Work: If you’re planning on authoring a book, chances are, you’ve already written a lot of pieces. Organize your narratives, articles, etc. and take note of your strengths. Consider publishing a compilation of your works as a book if they follow similar themes. If not, learn your writing strengths, and focus on topics and the style that would assist in producing your best work. By doing this, you’ll not only be able to learn the positives and negatives of your writing style, but it may jog up a great idea for a possible book.

2. Do Your Research: Nowadays, there are plenty of avenues when it comes to the world of self-publishing. With all the companies out, which do you choose? Be sure to research at least three different companies that you would consider. Weigh the pros and cons and compare different incentives, rights, and profit possibilities, prior to signing on the dotted line. Choosing the right company can be a major factor in the success of your career as an author.

3. Talk to Other Authors: Don’t re-invent the wheel! There’s no better source of advice than picking the brain of someone who has done it before you! They are filled with not only the knowledge you find online, but also the blind spots and pitfalls that you may not know until you experience them! Gathering information from others will allow you to be well-informed and ensure that you have a great experience!

For information on the Kidmunicator program, visit Kidmunicator

Watch Your Back....

Gossip. Slandering reputations. Name calling. Judgement. Nope...I'm not discussing the latest episode of your favorite soap opera.  Those are some of those words that embodied my week.  Worse off, those words were tossed around about me.  Go ahead and gasp...because that's exactly what I did. Oblivious to the thoughts of a particular person, I was taken a-back, but the way I bounced back let me know I've the strongest that I've ever been and my personal growth is as apparent as the sunlight.

Lately, I been privied to information about things that were being said about me by a particular individual.  Not one for throwing anyone under the bus, I decided to keep my mouth shut and be more aware of this miserable person.  I kept thinking to myself "if I could just hear her myself, I'd be able to address it without involving anyone else."  Well, God had it so that he set up a situation where I had to go look for something in a place that I usually never go into.  As I was rifling through papers, the individual walked into an office and proceeded to speak of every aspect of me from the way I did certain things, to the way I look, to my door being shut, to the clothes that I wear, to the heels that I click down the hallway in.  As I stood there aghast, I contemplated walking into the room and exercising my less "demure" side, but I soon realized that, that is probably what she'd want me to do, and it would also make me look bad and unprofessional.  

As I went throughout my day, I was so upset that I physically became warm and snapped at innocent bystanders all around.  The most upsetting part was the fact that I truly never spoke ill of her.  Why do some people feel the need to bring others down for no particular reason?  What is it that is so unhappy inside that leads one to feel that the only way to evoke some happiness is to belittle others?  At that moment, when I realized that it was more of a deficiency in her than anything that truly had to do with me, I felt sorry for her.  

As sorry as I felt, I wasn't about to let it go unnoticed, so I set some things into motion that allowed her to know that her behavior wasn't okay and I wasn't going to accept it.  People can only do the things that you allow, so I made a point to have the situation addressed and hopefully, for her own sake, she got the message.  After I did that, I decided to release it.  Holding on to anger and frustration, only holds you down.  

For a few days, I felt like I had to "watch my back" because when you are betrayed, your guards come up and your trust goes all the way down, but as the situation played out, it taught me a valuable lesson.  When you're being genuine and true, you don't have to watch your back because God will watch it for you.  Things will work out in a way that has the situation take care of itself and more fluidly than you ever could.  The struggle may be uneasy, but I always advice others and try to live by this quote: Don't get caught up in the struggle; get caught in the lesson.  Lesson Learned. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Your Best Life...

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” -Steve Jobs.  

This is one of the most profound quotes that I've ever heard.  In the wake of the untimely death of arguably the most brilliant innovator of our time, Steve Jobs, many have taken notice of all his achievements, thoughts, and unforgettable words.  Of his many words, this quotes represents the way I tend to live my life and advice others to do as well.  

Within the past five years, I, as well as some of the closests people around me, have experienced some truly trying times.  To say that we've been in our "rainy season" would be an understatement.  I used to live by the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow."  These last few years have taught me that there may not always be a tomorrow.  Your time is limited and God designed it in a such a way that you never know when it's up, so why not live it like each moment is your last?  Some may roll their eyes at the thought, but truth be told, the only time that belongs to you is the moment you're in.  Anything more is a gift from above.  

Spending time wishing to have another life is to waste the one you're living.  To live your life based on the thoughts of others, is to stifle the person you are and could become.  Years ago, I tailored a lot of what I did and what I looked like based on other people's opinions, especially in business.  Not until I truly listened to my own voice did I really begin to flourish and develop who I am and ultimately who I will become.  Following my heart and intuition has always been in my favor.  If you think about it, everyone can think of a situation where they failed to listen to their inner voice and ended up paying for it.  God gives us this natural gift of knowing when to do something, trust someone, make the right decision, etc.  He also gives us the ability to know when the opposite arises as well.  Don't ignore that voice no matter what.  It is your perfectly built-in compass.  

If his death has taught you nothing, consider this: death is inevitable.  Whether you're worth 8.3 billion dollars or $8.30, what's truly important is the impact that you make while you're living.  Each action, no matter how minute it may seem, is important.  When you look back on your life, what do you see?  If it's not what you want, then be grateful that you still have the time to make a difference, be the change that you wish to see, and live your best life possible.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

The Waiting Game

"Great things are going to happen."  "Just wait, and you'll see your amazing future unfold before your very eyes."  "Keep on working and everything will pay off."  No matter how many times you're told this, and how strongly you believe it, you sometimes can't help but have moments of frustration and scream out "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?!"  Even with the most positive and optimistic of attitudes, you run into moments of frustration that have you question the very things that you're waiting and believing for.  If you're anything like me (super analytical), your mind runs wild with made-up anecdotes that do nothing but push you into a deeper place of frustration.  How do you get out?  So often, people will say to continue to just believe, but sometimes that isn't enough.  Sometimes you need to be responsible for re-energizing your own self rather than relying on other things and people to do it for you.  Next time you're down in the dumps, try these 'sure-fire' ways to get your faith-driven blood pumping.

1. Revamp Your Goal List: Remember when you listed everything you wanted to accomplish?  As you were making that list, you couldn't help but be filled the hope of endless possibilities.  As you make that list, you truly believe that all the things you're putting down are possible and wonderful energy comes from you envisioning that it's already done.  When we get into a slump or become impatient, we are so far-removed from those "feel good" emotions.  Re-do the list.  Celebrate the things that you can cross off the old list and find solace in the renewed spirit that washes over you as you add new and wonderful things to accomplish.

2. Time Out: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is absolutely nothing.  Take a break.  Even the most successful people know when to relax, and if you don't, life will find a way to put you in your very own time-out.  When you get into the rhythm of doing things, sometimes you fall away from the passion and fall into a routine.  Before you know it, you aren't progressing as much or things don't appear to be as fulfilling.  You might find yourself at place that feels more like a plateau than an upward climb.  This is the breeding ground for frustration.  In those moments, take the time to just "be."  Get lost in your good thoughts.  Do something that simply makes you happy and is purely recreational.  You are not a machine, so you can't operate successfully for long as one.  You may think that this time-out is a waste of time, but it actually will re-energize you and help put you in a better frame of mind. 

3. A Picture Says a Thousand Words: I've advised this before, but it works so well, I'll advise it again: create a visual aestethic that will remind you of the things you want.  Whether it be success, love, health, etc, seeing is believing.  Create a vision board or book.  If you're not the most creative, cut/rip out pictures and tape them up.  A lot of people run from this idea because they're not creative, but this project is for you, not to be put on display.  You can simply tape the photos to your bathroom mirror or your wall.  Just make sure that it's placed in a location that you see often.  By doing this, you will be reaffirming the positive things to come and it will help you through the tougher times. 

4. Talk about it: It's so easy to bury your feelings and just wish them away, but sometimes, simply venting can help eliminate them.  In verbalizing things out loud, you often get the chance to hear and see them in a new way.  Whoever you choose to speak to whether it be a family member, friend, or life coach, you open the door to receiving advice on ways to fix whatever issue you're going through.  Even better, the optimistic attitude and words of the person listening may give you hope and increase the chance of you resolving your problem.  

In life, we must wait and there's no way around that, but we do have the power to change the experience of the waiting game.  Whether it's for success, goals, or love, the wait time of the journey serves as preparation for the destination.    

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

LOVE....Ready or Not?

"Don't pray for God to put someone in your life. Pray that you're ready when they come."  

This is by far one of the best quotes I've ever heard when it comes to love.  So often, when one decides to committ to the longevity that love has to offer, you immediately go into praying for the type of person you want.  The height, age range, profession, personality, etc, but sometimes we forget to look within.   

There was a particular man that I went on a date with in the past.  The moment I met him, he exuded such an intense passion toward me which caught me off guard since we just met.  I also didn't share the same intensity or emotion, so it was a lot to handle.  One night, we were on the phone and he was in the midst of sharing everything that he was going through.  Afterwards, he quickly changed subjects and blurted in the most exasperated of voices, "Stephanie, I'm ready to be a husband and have a family."  Now this is music to most women's ears, however, to mine, it was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.  I had to remind and say to him all the negative and currrent circumstances he had mentioned to me a mere five minutes prior.  I told him that in no way was I trying to be mean or insensitive, but the truth was, he wasn't ready to be a husband, have a family, or be the head of a household.  At first, he was taken aback and I could feel the hurt energy, so I explained.  The things that he's currently going through are things that will help him become a greater man, but if he truly sat down with himself, he couldn't really say that he was ready for those responsibilites. We sat in silence although I could hear him loud and clear.  Finally, he said "you're right.  As much as I want those things right now, I'm not ready for them."  We continued conversing and I shared that even I continued to strive to the be the best I could be so when the role of wife and mother call me, I'm truly ready.  

No one is ever 100% ready, but there comes a time in your life when you're in a good enough place where you will add to someone's life rather than subtract with all your baggage. The next time you fret with thoughts of when this perfect person is coming, ask yourself this: am I ready?  If Mr. or Ms. Right walked in the door, would I be able to complement them and a create a positive future with them?  If the answer is yes, then that's great!  If the answer is no, don't worry; just strive to become the best you, every single day.  When the time is right, everything will fall into place.  

Live. Laugh. LOVE.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Guest Life Coach Expert Stephanie Benoit: "Point of View" Talk Show

A couple of months ago, I was given the opportunity to be featured as a guest on the Point of View talk show on the Afrotainment channel.  The topic was "The Power of a Praying Woman."  It was such a great experience for me and deepened my love for being on television.  This experience showed me that the possibilities are endless and that hard work pays off.  A year ago, I would've never thought that I'd be a guest expert on a talk show.  With continued determination, I know that I will achieve all that I desire.  I encourage you to continue to reach for your dreams and know that they are attainable.  It's not your job to figure out how it'll happen.  You just have to work hard and continue to move forward!  

Take a look at my talk show appearance! 

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Reason. Season. Lifetime. The Circles of Friendship.

Friend. Ami. Amiga. Amicus.  No matter what language you say it in, it all means the same.  Friends are the family members that you get to choose.  No matter what you need or what you're going through, they are always there.  You never think that your friends would betray you or fall out your life, but as I mature and continue to grow in all my relationships, I realize that some were never meant to be there for the entire ride. 

Throughout the years, I've come across a lot of people.  Luckily for me, I've always been quite selective with who I've chosen to let in my life, and more importantly, my inner circle.  I'm a true observer.  Even as a child, I would always remain quite aloof in my dealings with people until I built trust enough to be able to call you my friend.  I'm still that way till this very day and I would advise most people to do that rather than jumping straight in.  You just never know how people will impact your life.


Reason.  I had a friend who I initially was acquantainces with.  For some reason, I had a vested interest in helping her.  I felt like I could be a good role model and help her through a difficult time in her life.  Before I knew it, she was one of my closest friends.  The things that we helped each other through rivaled that of sisters and we didn't take it for granted.  As time progressed, we grew slightly apart.  At first it wasn't that noticable or problematic, but after a slight rift that she refused to address, we were no longer speaking.  I am a person who likes to address issues head on.  She is more passive.  Well, in her pasivity, she chose to ignore the problem and our friendship, all in the same swoop. You can't communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, so we didn't...and haven't.  It bothers me because I cared for her like a sister and made a point to be there for her, but things don't always go the way you think they will.  My frustration caused me to wonder what the point of it all was. What was the reason, we became friends if the friendship would crumble so easily?  I figured that my ultimate purpose in this friendship could have been to help her in the one of the most difficult times of her life.  With that, I moved on.  


Season.  The last year in college was one of the best.  Me and my closests friends created something that was more than a friendship; it was a family.  We literally went to class, ate dinner together, attended functions, etc.  You name it, we did it...together.  One of my friends imparticular completed the lady trifecta that was composed of me, my best friend, and her.  You couldn't see one of us without the other and if you did, we knew where the other was and why he/she wasn't there, lol.  College is one of the best experiences in life but it also is one of the most trying as well.  As you navigate through life and early adulthood, you're bombarded with the realities of life and learn only at the moment, how to best cope. We laughed and cried together and when it was time for us to separate, we closed it out with an emotional circle that I punctuated with us sharing the wishes that we had for one another. Even though we closed out our last night in the same city, never did we think that would close out our friendship.  That, however, is exactly what happened with one of us.  She moved and fell off the face of the earth.  Not one to actively keep in touch, she acted as a child does when they move away...they switch schools and made new friends.  The difference is, we are adults, so continuing a friendship ensues with ease.  Almost all of my close friends, including my best friend, don't live in my city.  We simply take vacations, keep in touch, and continue to be there in times of need...and believe me, there have been many.  We even reached out a long time ago, jokingly bashed her about her absence and extended an olive branch to rekindle our sisterhood.  Till this day, we have heard nothing.  I can't tell you how many conversations we've had about her and how hurt we are about her nonchalance, but you live and you learn.  No matter how ridiculous it is now, when we discuss those memories, we still laugh to the point of tears.  That season, will always remain one of the best and one of the most impactful in my life, but like real seasons, they often change...and bring something else.  


Lifetime.  The past few years have been quite trying in every way imaginable.  The funny thing is, I found that I wasn't the only one going through it.  Like myself, my most treasured friends had life changes of their own.  The beauty of it was that we could all be there for one another.  The happenings in the recent past are things that have altered who we've become, taught us who we want to be, and strengthened the only thing we could depend on, our faith. These are the friendships that lead you further into your life and walk with you throughout it. No matter what changes may occur (marriage, children, career), they are there.  

Life was never meant to be lived alone.  Along with finding your perfect match in a mate, God blesses you with special people in your life to fill your friendship tank.  It may take several wrong turns with the wrong passengers before you get to your destination, but eventually you'll arrive with the right people in tow.  Guard your heart, mind, and words. Take time to build trust.  Most importantly, don't let the negative experiences harden your heart and keep you from the positive things and people that lie in your future.  I'm grateful for my lifetime friends.  Don't forget to be grateful for yours.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Consumed or Obsessed?

Consume: to enjoy avidly; to engage fully. Obsess: to haunt or excessively preoccupy the mind.  The past week or so has magnified what being overly consumed with something does. I have watched friends and family as well as myself, be consumed by certain things and it does more damage than good. We are sometimes taught that to be consumed means to really care, but when does the art of productive consummation turn into dangerous obsession?

My business. Right now, I live in the space of doing whatever it takes to build my brand. As a life coach, motivational speaker, editor and contributing writer for several magazines, along with a slew of other projects, I AM MY BRAND. It will only go as far or be as successful as I am, so I work...HARD. There's never a moment that goes by that I'm not doing something or thinking of the next best thing. I live in the place of intensity because to achieve the goals that I have set for myself, it will take a lot. The only moment I'm not working on something is when I'm asleep, and every so often, my dream will find me in my dreams. In my mind, although I advise other people to know when to take a break, everything is fine. I feel that this is most certainly what I need to be doing. Well...sometimes, it isn't so good. Within the last few weeks, I felt extremely tired all the time. It didn't feel like I could catch up and actually feel rested. My friends and family constantly told me I needed a break, but I replied that for all that I had to do, I couldn't conceptualize what a break was at this point. No matter how I felt, I continued to plug along. Well, the body knows when it's too tired and it will let you know in a way that isn't so fun. I had a day where I wasn't able to focus at all. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn't really get into my work. I lost my voice. Normally when I get really tired, it will break, but this time I could barely speak. As I felt this enormous fatigued-filled weight, I actually chuckled to myself. I heard the voices of my family and friends that told me to simply relax. Now I had no choice. I'm a firm believer in plugging along, but sometimes when you force creativity, it ends up being a big mess, so I finally listened. A simple evening off brought me back to life. The next morning after having not worked till the wee hours, I felt rejuvenated, relaxed, and I had my voice back. That said a lot to me. My consumed spirit is great for success, but even successful people know when to take a break and if you don't, your body will inadvertently do so. My consummation turned into a dangerous obsession in the fact that I couldn't recognize when it was time to pull back, for the benefit of myself and the quality of my work.

Love is one of the greatest examples of being consumed. The butterfly feelings are so inviting and comforting and it's so easy to rest in that place. The harder you love, the more consumed your thoughts become and often, you equate the extreme consummation to loving better.
Coincidentally, a close friend and I found ourselves in the same place recently. With all that we had going on, we still couldn't get that one "love" out of our minds. Our conversations went back and forth between the projects we were working on, to these men in particular. Although when you love someone, your mind tends to rest on them quite often, I felt that in doing that to the extreme, it would unequivocally affect the other important aspects of life. That thought was damning. My friend remained quiet on the other end as she listened to my thoughts and revelation. She had her own as well. She said "sometimes, the person that you allow yourself to be consumed by, remains at a distance in your life at a particular time for a reason. In your desire to have them, you may miss out on who you are to become. Sometime, you have become who you are destined to be before the next step." This stemmed from a quote from the movie The Adjustment Bureau (totally great film you should see by the way). When she said that, I remained quiet. I really didn't know how to respond. Could it be that the person you desire remains at a distance in order for the master plan to be completed in the matter and time frame it should be? Maybe. What we do know if that to be overly consumed with something or someone is to possibly lose out on the present and the present is a "gift."

No matter what, even if it's the most important goal in your world or the love of your life, to be consumed to the point where you neglect other important aspects of your life will not prove to be positive. Learn the difference between working hard and pushing yourself to an unhealthy point. Learn the difference between loving hard and loving to the point of neglecting yourself and other important things. Nothing is ever worth your health or happiness. If you learn to balance, everything will fall into place beautifully.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Before Summer Goes: 3 Things You Must Do!

Ahhhh, summer. The most anticipated weather season of the year. Well, for most people, it comes and goes in a flash. You spend 9 months looking forward to it and bam!....it's gone. As the end of summer approaches, make sure you do these last minute activities before the summer sun runs out!

Beach- if you live in a warm climate, you may not be running to the beach, but if you're like many, you take full advantage of this time of the year. Plan a day at the beach with family and friends. Take some food and drinks out there and have your own little beach party to end the summer with a bang! Don't forget your sunscreen!

WHITE hot- the rules of fashion have changed a lot and have even become more flexible over the years, but this rule still stands the test of time and most people still follow it: no white after Labor day! Summer screams light, airy, colorful, and WHITE. Many can't wait to break out their sexy all-white ensembles for the summer, so be sure to get good use and wear it before its too late! Turn the heat up by throwing a sexy summer bash; dress code: all white, of course!

Adventure- another thing summer embodies is outdoor activities. Daring souls will attempt white water rafting, hiking, jet skiing, camping, parasailaing etc. Those exciting things are best left for the time of the year when the sun kisses your skin. If your goal is to try something new or engage in your favorite outdoor activity, don't get comfortable in the fact that you have time because before you know it, summer will have passed you by! Get up and get active!


Until next Summer.....

Ready. Set. Work It Out!

Have you stuck to your resolution? Which one you ask? It’s the one that almost everyone makes. We’re more than halfway through the year and some of us are still going strong. If you happen to have fallen off, don’t be dismayed! It’s never too late to get started again! Read these healthy tips to help rev up your workout engine again!

Research Body Type- a lot of you may be surprised, but your body type has a lot more to do with the way you carry, gain, and lose weight than you think. The three main body types are Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph. If you’re an ectomorph, you have low body fat, can usually eat anything you want without gaining weight, and have a fast and efficient metabolism. If you’re a mesomorph, you are naturally lean and muscular, you have an efficient metabolism, and your body responds quickly to exercise. If you’re an endomorph, you usually carry your weight in the lower region of your body (i.e. butt, thighs, and abdomen), have to work a little harder to lose weight, and can gain muscle easily. Knowing these things and a few others details about your body type can provide you with much insight on the most effective track to meet your health and fitness goals. To transform your body and renew your spirit, try this:  Body Gospel Workout

Eat to Live- Pizza. Burgers. Pasta. All delicious things, but not so good for you. The key is balance and the truest nutritional balance has many more healthy options consistently and overall. Allow yourself to indulge every now and then, but create a healthy eating habit that you can commit to on a daily basis. Drink more water, eat more unprocessed foods, and increase your fiber, whole grains, and protein. These small changes over a period of time will give you a lean and healthy look. Not to mention, you’ll also feel better. Eating “clean” will give you a boost of energy. For a delicious shake and boost in nutrition, try this: Shakeology


Work it Out- Ready. Set. Get active! There’s no way around it. Getting active, even in the most minimal of ways, does wonders for your body and overall health. Whether it’s power walking through the neighborhood, or a beach side boot camp class, you’ll get the most results when you increase your activity level. Not only will it aid in weight loss, but it helps to strengthen your heart! To get the heart pumping and that energy up, try this short and sweet workout:  10 Minute Trainer 

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Letting Go...

“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” Many a times, this quote is used in love. It narrates the anguish that comes from letting someone that you love with your entire being go. Though it may not feel good, it’s something that has to be done…and so you do. If that released love finds a way to re-ignite itself and find its way back to you, then you were meant to have it. As I lay in bed and pondered this saying, I began to realize that there was more to it than I thought.

It may be easiest to apply this quote in love, but it applies with everything. My sister got married a number of years ago. She was happy, energized by love, and a new mother. That little life that she and her husband brought into the world breathed joy into their spirits on a daily basis. Though he was ill since he was a child, their love and their child gave them the strength to move on and fight everyday battles…together. Never did she think that she would be a widow one year later. Her husband died suddenly and there she was…alone. I watched my sister become a former shell of herself as she went through the motions of planning her husband’s funeral. I watched the tears flow from her eyes and heard her silent cries. I watched the weight of life weigh her down as she thanked everyone for their help and condolences. I watched her connect to the only source of life she felt like she had to live for…my niece Kookie. As cliché as it sounds, time and only time, heals all things and eventually, with the everlasting piece of God, she began to live again. Though she will never let the memory of her husband go, she did let certain things go. She let the guilt surpass and the “what ifs” settle down. In order to live the best life for her child, she had to let the negative emotions go. Because she let go, she was able to find a new love. A new love that provided her an even newer more fulfilling thing to love….my niece Isabella. As she gazes upon her kids laughing and playing with each other, I often watch her only imagining the pure and everlasting love she feels for them. All of this is because she LET GO.
 For so long, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but got in my own way. I harbored such made-up ridiculousness that you would’ve thought I was a writer for an action packed dramatic film, lol. For every single thing that I decided to do, I created its negative counterpart as to why it wouldn’t or couldn’t work. I believe everyone hits a wall. This wall is the place that you finally run into that snaps you into a reality that has you thirsty for immediate personal action. No longer do you care about the reasons you’ve conjured up. All you know is that you need to act NOW. My breakthroughs have all come because I LET GO. In letting go, all these wonderful things have found their way back to me or are new to me. In the areas of love, entrepreneurship, success, my relationship with God, etc, all my stocks are up . It took me being obedient and LETTING GO.

I want to encourage you to truly let go of some things. Whether it comes back to you in the form of the insanely familiar or in the wave of something fresh and new, it will come back if it belongs to you.

 
Until next time...keep the forward movement....

It's Better to Give than Receive (article previously written for Fearless Magazine)

No matter how well you know someone, when the time comes to give him/her a gift, you’re usually left stumped. Take a look at some winning gifts for your love.

Gifts for her

1. Jewelry- when has a woman ever been upset over getting jewels? It’s a sure fire way to get the smiles and squeals of approval. Tip: Get something that can be personalized like a charm bracelet. Add charms that describe her and are reminiscent of the things she loves. No other gift will compare!

2. Make over- women are all about change; changing their clothes, their hair, and always their minds. A treat to the salon and having her make-up done will never go wrong because women love to be pampered. The way a woman look also affects the way she feels. Give her the gift of becoming even more beautiful, and she won’t be able to say enough thank-you’s!
 3. Shop till you drop- a gift card to her favorite store will definitely make her happy! What woman do you know that doesn’t like to shop? Be the reason that she gets to participate in one of her favorite activities!

Gifts for him


1. Electronics- men never get tired of electronics. They are forever fascinated with the latest technological release. Do a little digging and find out what he wants the most. Have the gift set up for him (if needed) and let him walk in on his surprise!


2. Plan a special night- the majority of the time, men do the planning when it comes to nights out. How about you give him the gift of being able to relax? You take charge and plan everything. He’ll enjoy the fact that he’s along for the ride!


3. Re-stock him- all the things that he needs, but doesn’t want to go buy...get them for him. They may be simple, but up the ante by getting nicer versions. He’ll be forever grateful!


Until next time...keep the forward movement.....