Selfish or Selfless?

Me, me, me. I have to take care of me. If I don't take care of me, who will? I have to do things for myself first, before I can do anything for anybody else. If you walk past people on any given day, you're bound to hear, at some point, someone uttering one of these phrases. It is our newest mantra: I can be no good to anyone else, if I'm no good to myself first. Much of these sayings are true, but when does it cross the line from being selfless to selfish?

Everyday, I work on deepening my relationship with God. I figure any great relationship has awesome communication, so that's what I work on; developing and strengthening my communication through prayer, with Him. Most people, myself included, have our standard prayers and the things that we desire and pray for. Yes we may sprinkle in prayers for others and for those we care for, but never do we forget our desires and needs. Well, a few weeks ago, I started thinking about going on a prayer fast for a very special member of my family. I don't know why it entered my mind, but it did, and although I tried to ignore it, the idea kept resurfacing. With several "coincidental" confirmations, I found myself challenged to do it for 7 days, but to not only pray for the original person I had in mind, but to devote all of my prayers, every single one this week, to various people. Whew! I breathed hard and fought the idea. I thought "with all I have going on, could I afford that?" Would God forget about me and all that I needed Him for? As I thought about it, I decided to dismiss my initial reservations and fears, and immerse myself into this selfless act. The more I thought, the more excited I became. Something about putting myself aside and going to God on behalf of others, filled me in a way I've never experienced.

Throughout the week, I've found that there's a special joy and connection that comes from concerning yourself with the well-being of others with complete genuity and complete humility. Even though it's important not to forget yourself, it's also important to maintain balance and continue to lead by example, and sometimes that means, being selfless enough to be able to put yourself aside. Believe me, if you do it with all your heart and with utter and complete truth, you won't need to pray for blessings, because they'll find you and overtake you in more ways than one! That's the beauty of being selfless. It inspires others to do so and that energy finds you and envelopes your core. This week, I urge you to do one selfless deed. You will be amazed at how much you get out of putting someone else first!

Stop...Look back...and Smell the Roses....

Have you ever stopped to smell the roses? ...or even acknowledged that they exist? For those who don't know, this famous phrase refers to taking the time to stop, reflect, and appreciate what is...whatever that may be. So many people work toward a goal, or work on themselves, and rarely do they take the moment to breathe in the success that they've achieved or turn around to see how far they have come. Why is it that we work so hard, but find it so difficult to acknowledge the fruits of our labor?

For over a year, I've been working out consistently. Growing up, I played every sport imaginable and was always in great shape. Over the years, I stopped playing all those sports and began to get comfortable. I decided that I needed to get back out there, become active again, and develop some life long healthy habits. Initially I started working out just to do it, but after my body started to reap the beautiful benefits, I developed goals. Week after week, month and month, I easily surpassed my old goals and replaced them fresher, more difficult ones. I'll admit it...I've always been a little obsessive when it came to my body type. It's just always been one of those things that I've constantly created newer goals for and was never satisfied with. Even with the obvious physical changes that I've made, never have I once took the time to turn around and applaud myself for my hard work, consistency, and discipline...until it was pushed in my face. Earlier this week, a friend of mine tagged me in an old picture from her sister's wedding from a year and a half ago. I was in shock as I gazed at my old self in the picture. I thought "who was this woman looking back at me?" I was obviously larger and when I really thought about it, I didn't even realize I looked that way at that moment in time. As I looked at the picture, I lifted my eyes to the reflection in the mirror of my current self. "Wow", I thought. I've really changed. I look healthier and shapelier. All those times that I overcame being tired, annoyed, and just flat out not feeling like it, paid off. For the first time, I stopped and commended myself for the obvious progress I've made. Within that moment, I decided to soak up every drop of content that I felt about where I am and where I came from.

No doubt about it, the last few weeks have been surprisingly trying. I say surprising because it's not as if I haven't had difficult times before, however, this time, the difficulty has affected me in a different way. Being whisked away from the path you are on and being pulled further away from where you want to go, presents a dilemma that begs you to rise above the occasion. Sometimes, however, the stress of that can take a toll. For some reason (God), I find myself careless laughing and proclaiming all great things. I find myself able to see that when things are shaken up in this way, it's all in preparation to get you on top of your game for the next phase in life. I think what made me feel so eerie in this "calm" is the fact that in other times of struggle and frustration, I wasn't this "cool". At an earlier point in life, I would have been exhibiting my frustration through cursing and long lasting anger. I would've allowed myself to stay in a mental space that would've watered the seeds of disdain and negativity. Today, however...with the mental strength and composure that I possess, I acknowledge the positive first, dance in the rain, and anticipate the sun knowing that everything will work out for the greater good. As I thought about this, there presented another opportunity for me to turn around, stop, and pat myself on the back. I have GROWN. I've developed myself into a woman who will take life by horns and enjoy the ride...bumps and all. I'm completely aware that life isn't perfect and am still human, so it's not always sunshine and roses, but your dominant outlook is most important...and mine has changed for the better.

In this life, I encourage you to not only work hard, but to acknowledge your hard work. Not only will it show you how far you've come, it will give you the ammunition to shoot yourself forward!

Testing...1, 2...

This past week has been quite an interesting one. I was plucked from my usual day-to-day routine and put into something completely unfamiliar. At first, I was unhappy, naturally, (for more reasons than one, but that’s another story -_-), but as the week progressed, I found myself being okay. I stopped fighting what was and starting allowing what would be. As I allowed my days to create themselves without the restriction I subconsciously added, I found a new routine inadvertently created. I now sit here at the end of my week, filled with a newer understanding, less frustration, and anticipation for what my future holds.

Today I want to encourage you to move fluidly through and past your “test time.” While you’re stuck in your frustration, you will unfortunately miss what God is trying to do. He’s ultimately getting you to see that what may seem like an upside down mess to you, is His way of shaking things up and making you uncomfortable. Sometimes, we have goals, but get too comfortable and that initial sprint to that goal is now a fast-paced walk. The jagged edges of your upward climb are part of the struggling path that builds character and tests your willingness in achieving your dreams. It also prepares you for the future. Life won’t always bring you comfortable and pleasant situations and you must know how to go with the flow and rise above the situation. This will be a testament to your future that you can handle whatever comes your way without giving up. It will show that you are flexible and successful people know how to make it work. I believe that one of the keys to success is being able to continue to excel and push forward even when you’re in a situation that you didn’t ask for or wasn’t expecting.

 Be strong. Push forward. Ace your test. The next chapter may be the one you’ve been working so hard for. :)

Ring the Alarm....Time to MOVE...

When I prepped my mind for this blog entry, I was thinking of something completely different. In my quest to inspire and speak from my soul, I often will go off of what I feel. At times though, the learned lessons need to be shared and that is more valuable than opinion.  I’m sure that everyone can attest to that perfect feeling of complete rest in your sleep. It’s like even though you’ve been sleeping for a while, this part of your sleep feels like the best rest you’ve ever had. Something about it puts you at inexplicable ease. It’s as if you’re in a quicksand of sleep. Usually at this time is when that screeching and annoying sound thrusts you out of your euphoric slumber….the ALARM! The alarm not only wakes you up….it pulls you out of that comfortable place whether you want to get up or not. It waits for the certain time…the appointed time…and snatches you up.

 This was a trying week for me. The week that I had set out for myself escaped my memory as my reality set in. Issues surfaced everywhere I turned, and some of the support that I thought I had, completely crumbled. Lately, I’ve been unshakeable and thrive on consistently moving forward, but sometimes, you have to take a step back and reflect on what’s going on in your life. I took the time to do that and all of a sudden, despite this week’s occurrences, the alarm clock that sprung me out of my slumber and comfort, didn’t feel so uncomfortable anymore.

God works in the very same way as the alarm clock. So many people have dreams and desires that they want to accomplish, but are waiting for the right time. They’re waiting until they have the right amount in their bank account. They’re waiting until their major problems are over and their lives are a little calmer. They’re waiting for the right time of year because they’ve made it up in their minds that that would be a good time to leave. The truth is, being comfortable is just as much of a detriment as anything else. No matter how much you may want to move, that comfort, and sometimes fear, will allow you to stay where you are. When God has a plan for you, He will pluck you from where you are and take you to where He has already ordained you to be to reach newer heights than ever before. You have desires and dreams that He’s placed in your heart. That passion that drives you is what He instilled in you. Therefore, if you aren’t moving, He will move you. Your job is to put your seatbelt on, trust Him, and take everything you can from the journey. Like a rollercoaster that’s descending at lightning speed, you may be frightened and filled with anxiety, but just like you’re sure that no matter how fast it goes, it will catch you at the bottom and pull you right up, God will do the same.


This week, I urge you to be strong in the trials you may face. It may just be the best thing that happens to you and the alarm that you need to wake you up, get you out, and move you forward.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Innocent until proven guilty?

This morning I had the pleasure *insert eye roll and deep sigh* to fulfill my request (really I had no choice, lol) to attend my summons for jury duty. As I got on the highway, my mind was filled with thoughts of how I could get back into bed and indulge in 30 more minutes of euphoric rest. Seeing as how this wouldn't happen, I shifted my thoughts into getting through the day and focusing on more positive things. I turned on the radio, listened to one of my favorite morning shows, laughed out loud several times, and begin to round out my professional court room look. As I took the time and pride to ensure that my presentation would be an appeasing one, I thought of how important it is to have the "right look".


Whether we want to admit it or not, people are being judged and judge everyday. You are, sometimes, solely judged on the way you present yourself, even if you haven't opened your mouth yet. In a world where we're so focused on the outside, I wondered how much that affected our inside.
At the beginning of jury duty, they gave us an orientation. Amongst the basic information, a worker explained that the judge, as well as lawyers, would be asking questions to ensure that the jurors’ selected would be in no way biased. My thoughts fell into wondering how one ever knows if they're bias. Do we ever really give someone a fair shot and only look at the facts stated? We think we do it everyday. We walk around carelessly, exuding openness, but the moment someone "looks dangerous", all of that free thinking goes out of the window and we clutch our purses and keep our fingers on the lock button in our car doors. If a woman walks in scantily clad, people automatically treat her as if she's less than, because she doesn't "look respectable" or worthy of such a thing. If a man steps out of a vehicle that is completely run down, he doesn't garner the same respect as the man who steps out of the Mercedes. To most people, he's just the "average Joe" so why give him any more than a passing glance.


In no way do I think any of this is fair, but I do believe that this is the way that people are programmed to be. Until we start changing our thinking (and this is a day by day process for life, I might add), we will never be at the point where we can accept people without setting them up for failure with our version of what they are supposed to look like and be. I will say this however, and for me, it's what's most important: because we do live in a society that is based on looks and the way you present yourself, you must understand that and act accordingly. The way that you present yourself is the way that you will inevitably be perceived. It's one thing to have less than, because that has nothing to do with who you are and can't change overnight, but it's another thing to NOT take pride in the way that you look. If you want to be taken seriously at a business meeting, don't walk in with sneakers and baseball cap. If you want to be the face of ladies motivation everywhere, respect yourself enough to look, act, and be a lady. You always have a choice, but always accept personal responsibility in the fact that you made the choice and everything that comes with it belongs to you....whether you want it or not.


Allow yourself to be the juror of your life and treat people the way you want to be treated: with respect, honor, and complete innocence…until proven guilty.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

True Love....

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"- Sam Keen.  

If I was asked what my favorite love quote is, the above would surely be among the first to come to me.  When I think of love, TRUE love, what comes to mind is sacrifice.  I define true love as loving someone when things aren't going so well; loving someone when they're at their lowest point; loving someone when you can't afford to purchase anything other than being in each other's presence and enjoying each other on the comfort of your couch.  To truly love, is to find pleasure in the simplicity that lies with truly being comfortable with each other enough to be open and transparent.  It has to be enough to love each other through the flaws that only emotions and a deep connection will allow you to accept.  

It's so easy to love someone when they're riding high.  The true test and admission of your love comes from all the events that aren't so easy.  Think about it: it's easy to be so in love when everything is going right.  You'll never have a problem getting used to the things that are enjoyable and easy.  What's not going to be easy is loving that person through times when they're struggling, when they haven't found themselves, through family issues, or unforseen negative situations.  If you can stick around for that, it ends up being a testament of your love and caring for that person.  

So often, people get together because things seem to "fit".  They work well together and it "makes sense."  Unfortunately, true love, inconvenient, all-consuming, never-ending love asks for so much more than the logistics to work together.  It asks for two people to be committed to the love that they have for each other and the work that it'll take to keep and develop it. 

Define for yourself what you believe true love to be ...whether you have it or are waiting for it; you'll never have to question it.

Live. Laugh. LOVE...TRULY.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

The REAL Deal...

In a world where good looks and sex appeal thrive over brains and morals, I wondered how important it is to have the perfect figure. The media bombards us with visions of what the female body should like: big breasts, a small waist, and an ample behind or a walking supermodel in a size 0. Unfortunately, everyone is not built like that. Most people actually aren't. Because of what we're shown, many women are choosing to alter their body in order to be accepted or fit the status quo.

A recent survey shows that of the people surveyed, 65% of them would seriously ponder getting plastic surgery, if money wasn't a factor. The percentage has greatly increased in the past few years and is continuing to increase with the accessibility of plastic surgery. Initially, plastic surgery was for the rich and famous. No payment plans were taken and no deals were made. Nowadays, you can finance your breasts along with getting a new plan for your next procedure. More and more, a lot of people who can't afford a better doctor are shopping around for "doctors" that will give them a discount...but at what price?
The number of horror stories of the surgeries that have gone wrong is on the rise as the need for acceptance continues to grow. With each successful story comes its negative counterpart illustrating just how ugly the fascination of beauty can be. Some women are willing to risk their lives instead of doing their research and taking the proper precautions.


My opinion is this: I will always advocate learning to love what God has given you. I personally feel that it's always the best option. However: whether you agree with plastic surgery or not, do it because YOU want to make yourself happy...and no one else. Some may not want to admit it but men and their obsession with the female physique drive certain women to alter their appearance. I took the time to survey men and found that the majority of them preferred their women "as-is" and "au natural." Regardless of the reasons, always make sure that the person on the procedure table will wake up with no regrets. No matter what....live, laugh, and LOVE YOU.