1+1=1 True Love...

Everyone needs love.  We were never meant to live this life alone. From the initial hug of a mother to her new-born, to the hugs of your BFF and middle school crush, to the hugs of your lover, we travel through life desiring and NEEDING the ultimate love of someone who can tug at and play your heart strings like no other.  Throughout your life you meet so many people and date quite a few.  Though you may have a good time with many and a connection with more than one, there's always that "one and only" that blinds you to any other soul on the planet.  I often wonder how it is that you know when you've found them.  

Beyonce has a new song out called 1+1 (Make Love to Me) and it's one of the most beautiful songs out right now.  As I sit and listen to it, each note belts out a piece that creates the perfect relationship.  She sings of how important having that one person is and you can't help but think of how true that is.  When you've found the one you love, you feel invincible.  You feel like no matter what happens, everything will still be okay.  That person is truly someone that you could never let go...mentally, emotionally, or physically.  You see...love isn't a light switch (wink), so you can't shut it on or off.  In the face of true love: anger can't eliminate it, sadness can't dismiss it, jealousy can't fight it, and fear can't  push it away.  It's there to stay.  You can't run from it because it will always catch you...and that's because it's never truly left you.  

I don't know what compelled me to write about love today because I initially had something else in mind, but everything has it's purpose so I'm sure someone will get the message.  The love you've been asking for, praying about, or searching for, may already be there...and if it's not, be prepared to receive it when it comes because it surely will....and when it does, envelope yourself in it.  I'll leave you with the lyrics and video to this beautiful song:

Beyonce- 1+1 (Make Love to Me)

If I aint got nothing, I got you
If I aint got something I don't give a damn, cause I got it with you
I don't know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two
And it's me and you, thats all we'll have when the world is thru
Cause baby we aint got nothing without love
Darling you got enough for the both of us
So come on baby, make love to me
When my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me. So that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Right now baby make love to me...me...me...mee...mee. ooh ooh make love to me.
Hey! I don't know much about guns but I...I've been shot by you
Hey! And I don't know when I'm gon die, but I hope that I'm gon die by you
Hey! And I don't know much about fighting, but I, I know I will fight for you
Hey! Just when I ball up my fist I realize that I'm laying right next to you
Baby we aint nothing but love, and darling you got enough for the both of us
Make love to me...when my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me...so that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Help me let down my guard, make love to me…me..me….me..meee ooh ooh ooh make love to me...me...me...mee...mee.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Could Your Ex...Be Your nEXt?

We’ve all had those relationships that ended physically, but not emotionally. What we thought was completely over, we find ourselves continuing to think about and realizing its everlasting presence. In some cases, we find that while we may have been “over it” when it ended, when that person or thoughts of them resurface, our feelings do as well. Does that mean that our feelings truly left or the relationship was premature in ending?

Lately, I’ve had many conversations with friends, family, and associates on this very topic. Some people are completely against revisiting a relationship stating that the reasons they ended may very well still be apparent and will ultimately be the demise of the future re-established relationship. Some others think that depending on the reasons the relationship ended, it may be a courtship that can be re-visited and be successful.

I used to work with a young woman who had just broken up with her fiancée. I was immediately intrigued the moment she threw it out there, but realized that it wasn’t my place to ask...so I didn’t. About a month later, the topic of relationships, specifically that one, came up again. She proceeded to tell me about her ex-fiancée and their relationship. They dated for years, their families got along very well, he treated her like a princess, and they were in love. He popped the question and she said yes. Perfect right?...wrong. The closer they got to the wedding, the more uneasy and anxious she became. Her love for him hadn’t gone away, but there was something that she just couldn’t place her finger on. Though she wasn’t exactly sure what it was, she was sure that it wasn’t supposed to feel that way, so she mustered up the courage to do what most people, women especially, would never have the gaul to do...she called off the engagement. Everyone was up in arms and she along with her fiancée, were understandably devastated. Despite how hard it was, she didn’t want to enter the sacred institution of marriage without a pure and genuine heart. Though difficult, she moved on and dated other people and allowed her ex-fiancée to do the same. She just had to make sure that the man she initially was going to pledge her life and love to, was the “right one” for her. I admired her for her strength and prayed that she would eventually find her way...and she did...right back into the arms of her ex-fiancée. Their time apart solidified their original path...which was to journey through the rest of their lives together. As I type this, I envision their engagement photos that I just viewed before writing this. They’ll be married in a few months. <3

Everyone knows the story of Carrie and Mr. Big. Just incase you’ve been living under a rock, I’ll catch you up with the story of these fictitious, but realistic Sex and City characters. Carrie and Mr. Big had an exhausting relationship that lasted years and years. Although it was far from perfect, they always kept finding their way back to each other. There was even a point when Mr. Big got married. Of course, as with anyone in real life, Carrie was devastated, but she moved on. She had wonderful relationships and even moved to Paris to be with the man she loved and thought she could spend her life with. By that time, Mr. Big had already divorced his wife and come to the realization that his one true love was Carrie. Through all that drama (and believe me there’s much more), they find their way back to each other and end up happily married.

You may be reading this thinking “I could never or would never go back to _____” and that’s fine. Every previous relationship isn’t meant to be revisited. In fact, the majority of them are not. If the issues that caused you break up are still current or if the relationship ended in such a manner that there’s no way to revive it, by all means, DON’T go back. However, everything in life has its perfect time to bloom and timing, along with who you were and who they were at the time may have been a major factor in why you didn’t work out. I wouldn’t necessarily write off the person and history (depending on what it was) just because it didn’t work out before. You truly never know what God has for you and it may be given to you in a manner you weren’t expecting, so you must be open. Who you were then, isn’t who you are now (hopefully) and who your ex was then, may not be who they are now (prayerfully). Always remember to keep your mind and heart open. Your love may come in that same recognizable package with even more inside to offer. Live. Laugh.  LOVE.

Enjoy "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele....





Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Health Watch: Sickle Cell Anemia

Check out my article featured on http://www.thefreshxpress.com/

When you think of the major health concerns that are heavily affecting the black population, several diseases come to mind, but rarely is Sickle Cell Anemia mentioned. Until I had the unfortunate experience of losing my brother-in-law AJ to the disease in 2009, I, like so many others, had been oblivious to the severity of the disease. In honor of Fresh Health Month, get to know some important facts about Sickle Cell.


What is Sickle Cell Anemia?
Sickle Cell Anemia is one of the most common inherited blood diseases and primarily affects Africans and African Americans. Although sickle cell is not a “black gene”, it disproportionately occurs in the black population. Current estimates are that one in 1,875 U.S. African Americans is affected with sickle cell anemia. It is a disorder of the blood caused by inherited abnormal hemoglobin that causes distorted red blood cells. These blood cells are fragile are prone to rupture and when this occurs, the condition is referred to as sickle cell anemia. The irregularly shaped cells can and usually block blood vessels which in turn cause tissue and organ damage as well as intense pain.

How is Sickle Cell Diagnosed?
 Sickle cell anemia is diagnosed when the abnormal “sickle-shaped” cells are identified under a microscope. Prenatal diagnosis can also be possible using amniocentesis of the fetal cells. Sickle cell requires the inheritance of two sickle cell genes. When there is only one sickled gene/trait, it almost never produces a problem. The best way to know is to get tested especially when thinking about having children. It’s important for both parties to be aware of whether they or a family member can be a possible carrier of the trait.

What are the symptoms?
 Symptoms and features include: fatigue and anemia, pain crises, swelling and inflammation of hands and feet, bacterial infections, lung and heart injury, eye damage, leg ulcers, etc. Depending on the strand and the health history, each person can be affected and experience symptoms in many ways.

 For more information and support, visit www.sicklecelldisease.org.

“The first wealth is health”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Food Fun: Coconut Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting

Fun fact about me:  I love to cook and bake!  I've been cooking since I was 9 years old.  The older I've gotten, the more things I've learned and the more variations I've tried.  Today, I'm sharing one of my favorite dessert recipes; Coconut Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting!  I've made this time and time again and each time, it's a hit!  I've even had people who weren't fond of desserts or coconut, ask me to make them over and over again.  If you're looking for a new recipe that rivals even the best chocolate delicacies (I'm a chocolate lover at heart, lol), try these cupcakes.  They're sure to disappear the moment you set them down! 

Ingredients 

• 2 1/2 cups cake flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
• 2 cups sugar
• 5 large eggs
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon coconut extract
• 2/3 cup buttermilk
• 1 1/2 cups sweetened coconut flakes  
  

  Directions

  
  

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 standard 12-cup muffin tins with paper liners.

     
  

  Into a medium bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; set aside.  
  
  

  Using a hand held mixer, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add eggs 1 at a time until just combined. Add vanilla and coconut extract. Add buttermilk and dry ingredients, being careful not to over mix. Mix in the shredded coconut.
  

  
  

  Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full with batter. Bake for 15 to 18 minutes or until golden brown and toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from oven and let cool on wire racks before frosting.  
  

  
  

  Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting:  
  

  • 2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened  
  • 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 6 cups confectioners' sugar
  • 2 cups sweetened coconut flakes, for garnish 
    

    Using a hand-held mixer beat cream cheese and butter together until light and smooth. Add vanilla extract and slowly add the confectioners' sugar 1cup at a time until thoroughly incorporated.  
    

    
    

    Pour coconut flakes evenly onto a baking sheet. Place in oven for 2 to 3 minutes allowing flakes to cook and turn a golden brown color. Make sure you do not burn.  
    

    
    

    Frost cupcakes high with about 4 tablespoons of icing. Garnish with toasted coconut flakes.

    
    

    

    
    

    Until next time....keep the forward movement.... 

Some of Life's Lessons from Oprah and I....

Last weekend, I was able to watch part 2 of Oprah's Masters Class and the lessons she shared were invaluable. Sometimes, I find that the best lessons learned are when you're least expecting it. As I watched, I couldn't help but take notes to revel in the quotes that were speaking to my spirit.  Here are some of Oprah's quotes partnered with my explanations. 

• All of life is about growing to your own personal best- For me, this screams "do you!"  Life isn't about becoming as good as or better than someone else.  It's about evolving into a better you.  True growth and success happens when you surpass yourself.
• Grow to greatness.  Your "whisper" to move on comes when you stop growing and changing.  Life is about growth and change- I believe that this is one of the best quotes out there.  No one wants to (or should want to) grow into a place that isn't positive.  That whisper that Oprah mentions is that internal nudge that lets you know that your time in your present place is up.  It's when you realize that you're done with where you are and have more to offer where you'll be.  Those whispers, turn into nudges and screams, and where you are in the future, depends on if you listen to the whispers...and move.
• Anybody pretending to be anybody other than who they really are, will never be successful- No matter how many people you fool, you can never fool God and yourself.  The truth always comes to light and the truth of your nature will come to the surface.  Be true to who you are and everything will fall into place.
• The moment you surrender...the moment things happen.  LET GO.- During the episode, Oprah explained the moment that she let go of the idea of being in The Color Purple and how pivotal that moment was in her life.  I think that's so important.  I have exercised truly letting go myself, and have realized that when it's done of nothing but truth and sincerity, things always fall into place.  You must GENUINELY surrender and give control to God. Only then, will things truly happen. 
• Your intention rules your life and determines the outcome.  "To whom much is given, much is required." (Luke 12:48)- You may not know every verse in the BIBLE, but you have probably heard this one several times.  It speaks nothing but the truth.  Often times, people assume that when they reach a certain point in life or have a certain amount of money, everything will be perfect.  The truth is, the more money and success (in any form) that you have, the more that people, life, and God will expect from you.  Understand and accept that and you will be given more.
• Don't waste your time looking back at the other guy to see where they are in the race.- You waste time when you look back, but it's an even bigger waste of time to look back just to gauge where somebody else is in the race.  Focus on your goals and your path.  Where they may appear to be, may not be where you need to be.  It may be the same race and same goal, but the personal journey matters the most.
• You become what you believe- This is simple.  What you believe, is what exists for you.  If you believe you are destined for greatness, you are.  If you believe you won't succeed, you won't.  Your thoughts dictate your actions and your life. 
• You are not alone in your experiences- Although you may feel alone in the darkest of places, remember that there are others who share similar, if not worse experiences.  Find solace in knowing that it's a part of your story, and you'll get through it like so many others have.
• We are all teachers- I've always said that I never wanted to be a teacher.  Even though I'm not a teacher in the formal sense, I find that in being a life coach, a counselor, an author, and a speaker, I teach all the time!  Every conversation, every article I write, every session, is an opportunity to teach.  If you think about it, you will realize that you probably teach as well.
• Stay true to your calling- Do the things that you want to do.  Fulfill your passions and desires.  Don't follow the dreams and rules that others have set for you.  Stay true to yourself.
• Everything you put out, comes back- God. Karma.  What goes around, comes around.  Whichever way you put it, it all means the same.  Do things with good and genuine intent, and that's what you'll get in return.  The same truth holds for the opposite.
• "When your personality comes to serve the energy of your soul, you have authentic power."- Gary Zukav- Oprah quoted this from Gary Zukav's book "Sea to the Soul" and is on my list of must-reads.  Beautiful quote! 
• God can dream a bigger dream for you then you can dream for yourself.- This is the most important quote.  I'm a firm believer in God and what He can do.  He doesn't limit anything for us and we shouldn't limit ourselves in our thoughts.  Whatever you desire to do...YOU CAN.  Just keep working hard, trust, and BELIEVE!  

This week, I encourage you to put these quotes up or find some that inspire you.  Life may be hard at times, but keep pushing!  Use these quotes, kinds words, and verses, to keep you motivated.  Always remember it's only a matter of time: God rewards diligence and faith.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

I Wouldn't Change a Thing....Would You?

How many times have you heard the phrases “it’s all a part of your journey” or “struggle makes you stronger?” I can remember being told and also uttering these sayings to others. They sound inspiring and hold a great truth, but when asked if you’d really want to endure these struggles, most people would prefer the opposite. When you think of where you came from, where you are now, and where you’re lead to go, could you honestly say “I wouldn’t change a thing” or do you wish you could’ve fast forwarded to the “good part?”

This past Sunday, I watched Oprah Winfrey presents “Master Class.” On this show, she features entertainers, entrepreneurs, authors, philanthropists, etc. and has them share their stories in a new and eloquent way. She provides a platform for the people featured to be naked in their words, stories, and truths. Thankfully, that evening, I fell upon the episode where Oprah herself, was featured. I immediately knew that for the next hour, all phone calls would cease, all side conversations would end, and I’d immerse myself in everything that I could receive from her story. You see, I’m one of those people who doesn’t just take things at face value. I don’t do that with every single thing but I believe that there are some things that you must dig deeper into in order to receive the message and learn the lesson. As I watched Oprah share her story, I was in awe. Though I knew some of it, there was more that I didn’t know and never had I heard it in one long sitting. The entirety of it all saddened me in one moment and gave me chills in another. As she discussed her strained and dysfunctional relationship with her parents, her rape at 9 years old, her molestation that occurred over a number of years, and her pregnancy that ended unsuccessfully, my heart went out to the child in her who had to endure such heinous things. No matter how successful you become, it doesn’t eliminate the crimes of your youth. As she moved through her story with grace and fluidity, she came to a point where she began to sing a hymn. Now for the life of me, I can’t remember what the name of it was, but the message of the song was loud and clear: she wouldn’t change a thing. That hit me like a ton of bricks. As she sang that song, she smiled and hummed and subsequently embraced her past. Most of us seeing, hearing, and possibly living some of the most undesirable things, would have them erased if we could, but there she was, singing this hymn, that basically said that she would not take one experience away. I was in awe, but as quickly as it shocked me, is as quickly as I understood. Those past experiences created who she was today. Oprah shared that had she not gone through those things, she wouldn’t be as sympathetic, understanding, caring and empathetic as she is today. Her desire to touch people’s lives came from the very depths of those ugly moments in her life. Had it not been for then, there wouldn’t be “The Oprah Winfrey” now.

This really got me thinking of my own experiences. There have been so many in the past 5 years where I’ve looked up and said “really God? Why me?” There were periods of darkness that threatened to overshadow and take me out (I’ll save that for another post). Though my journey is far from over, when I look back to where I’ve come from, though I never imagined I could say it: I wouldn’t change a thing. I shock myself to say it, but it’s the truth. The things that I’ve faced and the situations I’ve had to endure were designed to break me down, mold me up, strengthen my spirit, and force to me to let go and let God. The past journeys are a set-up for the upcoming ones. Just because you experience turmoil in the past doesn’t mean you won’t experience it in the future. It means that you’ll be better prepared and will be able to handle it more effectively. Think about your very first school test. You were nervous, studied for a ridiculous amount of time, and probably couldn’t sleep. As you were taking it, you second and third guessed yourself, and skimmed over the test 100 times. After you passed your test (with flying colors I might add, lol), you breathed a sigh of relief. Now every test that followed it became a little easier…even though it was HARDER. Why was it easier? Because your previous experience had PREPARED you for what was to come. When you’re in that place, you realize that though the past wasn’t easy, you wouldn’t change a thing because it was created to make you who you will ultimately become.

This week, I encourage you to move through your journey. It may not always be easy, but your sweat, your tears, your anger, your frustration, your hardships, your journey, are unquestionably worth it.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Selfish or Selfless?

Me, me, me. I have to take care of me. If I don't take care of me, who will? I have to do things for myself first, before I can do anything for anybody else. If you walk past people on any given day, you're bound to hear, at some point, someone uttering one of these phrases. It is our newest mantra: I can be no good to anyone else, if I'm no good to myself first. Much of these sayings are true, but when does it cross the line from being selfless to selfish?

Everyday, I work on deepening my relationship with God. I figure any great relationship has awesome communication, so that's what I work on; developing and strengthening my communication through prayer, with Him. Most people, myself included, have our standard prayers and the things that we desire and pray for. Yes we may sprinkle in prayers for others and for those we care for, but never do we forget our desires and needs. Well, a few weeks ago, I started thinking about going on a prayer fast for a very special member of my family. I don't know why it entered my mind, but it did, and although I tried to ignore it, the idea kept resurfacing. With several "coincidental" confirmations, I found myself challenged to do it for 7 days, but to not only pray for the original person I had in mind, but to devote all of my prayers, every single one this week, to various people. Whew! I breathed hard and fought the idea. I thought "with all I have going on, could I afford that?" Would God forget about me and all that I needed Him for? As I thought about it, I decided to dismiss my initial reservations and fears, and immerse myself into this selfless act. The more I thought, the more excited I became. Something about putting myself aside and going to God on behalf of others, filled me in a way I've never experienced.

Throughout the week, I've found that there's a special joy and connection that comes from concerning yourself with the well-being of others with complete genuity and complete humility. Even though it's important not to forget yourself, it's also important to maintain balance and continue to lead by example, and sometimes that means, being selfless enough to be able to put yourself aside. Believe me, if you do it with all your heart and with utter and complete truth, you won't need to pray for blessings, because they'll find you and overtake you in more ways than one! That's the beauty of being selfless. It inspires others to do so and that energy finds you and envelopes your core. This week, I urge you to do one selfless deed. You will be amazed at how much you get out of putting someone else first!