Whether some want to admit it or not, a lot of people show the most of their feelings on one designated day a year. Yes, you may love the person everyday, but that day is the selected day that everyone goes overboard for. In order to ensure that your lover knows you love them throughout the year, you must do things to show them. Here are some tips on how to keep the loving going all year round.
Schedule a day- it’s easy to get caught up in your everyday responsibilities and ask yourself “where did the day go?” You end up neglecting yourself and your lover. A great thing to do is schedule a day/night. That will show that you think the person is important enough to specifically take time out to make sure that you continue to show love throughout the year.
Words, compliments, thank you’s- words are powerful. They can propel your day or compel your day. A simple nice word, compliment, or “thank you,” can remind your lover of your appreciation for them. Your words, appreciation, and compliments, will never, ever get old.
Your wish is my command- Tending to your partner is another way to express love to your man/woman. It’s a silent way because you’re doing things that, in a way, take care of them, but isn’t something major or always obvious. Sometimes, it’s the little things that add up to something great.
Luck. Dictionary.com defines it as goodfortune;advantageorsuccess,consideredasthe resultofchance. I started thinking about how often we rely on this so-called "luck." The more I thought about it, the more I questioned it. How much do our accomplishments, desires, and daily happenings occur because of luck rather than preparation?
About a year and a half ago, I entered a constest. I wanted to sharpen my public speaking skills, so I dove head first into my essay and video entry. I wrote, proofed, and re-wrote my essay several times. I filmed over a dozen entry videos and finally settled on one (that I still think is pretty awful, lol) and sent it in. I made it past the first round, and answered a slew of additional questions from the judges. A couple of weeks later, I was met with the awesome and quite surprising news that I won! I received quite a few congratulatory messages including the phrase "you're so lucky!" At the time, I didn't think much of it at all, but looking back now, I know that luck never had anything to do with it.
A good friend of mine always wanted to attend law school. Amongst other things, one of her main passions was law. Well, life didn't necessarily go the way she planned. Battling frustration and sadness, she made the conscious effort to push through the obstacles and keep working. She studied, researched schools, sought out financial support, networked, prayed, and stayed focused. She lined everything up and did all she could possibly do until there was nothing left to do but WAIT. One day, she called me to to share her great news that she had been accepted into law school! A couple of weeks ago, she completed her first year! I know that so many people think that she's so lucky to be given the very thing that she's been hoping and praying for, but I think it's the furthest thing from luck.
I personally don't believe in luck. I believe in full preparation meeting the perfect time and the sparks that ensue when those two things combine. Things just don't happen out of nowhere. You have to put forth effort and align your thoughts and actions all while waiting for the perfect time. Oprah wrapped it up in one great sentence during her episode of Master's Class: "luck is preparation meeting the moment of opportunity". She explains it perfectly below:
Above all else, God will align everything in your life and catapult you to where you need to be. There's always a bigger hand at work. Your job is to work and stay ready. Your perfect moment will marry opportunity at the perfect time.
If someone were to ask you what you would do to fulfill your dreams, you'd most likely answer "whatever it takes." When you realize your true passion and you have that fire burning deep down inside of you, you'll do anything you can to make them come true...or so you say. Whether we realize it or not, we get caught up in the hum-drum routines of our days that create our habits. You may say that you do one thing, but naturally do another. What are your consistant actions really saying?
I'm a people pleaser....to a certain extent. No matter what I'm doing, I always take the time to help someone else with whatever they need. Whether I'm awake, asleep, busy, or in the midst of my own crisis, I will put it aside and pick up whatever you have going on. Within the last year and half, I found myself wondering why it is that I can complete other people's tasks so quickly. I felt that at the time, it took me too long to complete my own. I sat down and started thinking about why this was. What I came up with gave me an "aha moment." I realized that even though I was helping people, I was inadvertently doing a disservice to myself. My mind said that what I do and want to do is important, but my actions were saying that everyone else's tasks and issues were more important than my own. The moment I realized that, I ceased my way of doing things. Nowadays, unless it's an emergency, I will complete my own things first, and then go from there. It may seem mean to some, but to my future, it's saying you're more important than anyone else. Not tossing your own tasks aside unites the message that your head and your actions are giving.
Another thing that people do that I notice that I was guily of as well is this: being too tired to work on their passion. In the past, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but claimed that I couldn't because I worked all day and the evening didn't provide enough time and energy for me to complete a project. Before you know it, days turn into weeks, weeks turns into months, and months turn into years. You hold on to the same excuses and hold on to the same life. The message in your mind remains the same however: My future and goals are important to me. The message in your actions however are silently screaming something else: My future and goals aren't important enough for me to make the sacrifice to achieve them. Even though you feel differently, your actions aren't aligned with what you're saying and until that happens you won't achieve your goals.
You must be clear about what you're saying and the message you're projecting. Saying one thing but doing another will ultimately cause you to fail in what you want to achieve. If you need to put some people and tasks on hold and prioritize your own goals, then you're going to have to do that no matter what the repurcussions. If you have to go to work, drink a red bull, clock in at that second shift (working on your passion), and burn the midnight oil, then so be it! The sacrifice will be worth it in the end and your message will be speaking loud and clear: My aspirations of worth everything to me and I will work hard until I reach them!
Girls! This is by far one of my favorite Beyonce songs. The upbeat rhythm coupled with the powerful words, coerces even the most timid of souls to jump up and rock to the beat. The top female entertainer of this generation always gives us music to dance to and heart wrenching ballads to belt out. Love her or hate her, you can't deny her talent and the way she motivates others. Throughout her music and career in general, she continues to propel this one message: FEMALE EMPOWERMENT....and I love it.
In a world where women are pitted against each other, it's refreshing to have many musical reminders that we should support one another, rather than plot and scheme to bring others down. Since the beginning of time, women were bred to 'one-up' one another and do whatever it takes to be the 'queen-bee'. Whether it's through rigging a contest so that you win by embarrassing another female, or going as low as taking her man (karma), our world celebrates the demise of the essence of sisterhood. The very strength that we could use to build each other up is the very one we use to hold each other down. I'm not speaking to every woman, but if we're honest with ourselves, you can name several off the top of your head who is exactly what this blog entry is talking about.
When I was in college, I joined a modeling organization. The business of modeling can be very cut-throat, but we were a family that all had the same purpose. Our main goal aside from our semester shows was service and we frequently gave our time to different organizations. As I spent time with my new family, I grew close to several people and we truly became inseparable. One of my close friends had a friend (we'll call her Stacy), who I spoke to and was cordial to, but was never really friends with. I didn't have any ill-will toward her and thought she was a nice girl, but never really divulged my personal business to. Well, months later, I heard that a certain woman (obviously Stacy) was spreading rumors about me and a young man I was dating. The rumor was along the lines of him only dating me because of my looks and not really caring about me, etc. The rumor was a little less diplomatic than I just stated, but I'm sure you get the drift.
Initially I was mad. Then I became hurt. After some thought and some venting with friends, I decided to let it go. What initially bothered me about it was the fact that I had never said or even thought anything negative about this young woman, but here she was talking about me. I chalked it up to several things: low self-esteem, an obvious lack of happiness somewhere, and the virus that a lot of women unfortunately have that causes them to hate other women unnecessarily.
That's just one personal example, but I have many more and I'm sure if we had a microphone and asked other women to share their experiences, the line would wrap around the world. It's so sad that women in general roll their eyes at each other, whisper behind each other's backs, and deliberately sabotage one another. If you don't like someone, actually have a legetimate reason/situation that causes you to feel that way. That is more understandable, but hating for no reason, is so sad and a direct reflection of the sadness and inferiority that lies within you. I for one, practice the rule of upliftment. There's enough room at the top for us all as we will never serve the very same purpose. In empowering others genuinely, you truly uplift yourself.
Ladies...SISTERHOOD IS THE NEW BLACK. We can do so much more together than we can apart. If you find yourself to be one of these women that "hate", work on your own issues. Heal your own wounds and be an example not only for future generations, but for the existing generations of women. Live. Laugh. Love. EMPOWER.
Everyone needs love. We were never meant to live this life alone. From the initial hug of a mother to her new-born, to the hugs of your BFF and middle school crush, to the hugs of your lover, we travel through life desiring and NEEDING the ultimate love of someone who can tug at and play your heart strings like no other. Throughout your life you meet so many people and date quite a few. Though you may have a good time with many and a connection with more than one, there's always that "one and only" that blinds you to any other soul on the planet. I often wonder how it is that you know when you've found them.
Beyonce has a new song out called 1+1 (Make Love to Me) and it's one of the most beautiful songs out right now. As I sit and listen to it, each note belts out a piece that creates the perfect relationship. She sings of how important having that one person is and you can't help but think of how true that is. When you've found the one you love, you feel invincible. You feel like no matter what happens, everything will still be okay. That person is truly someone that you could never let go...mentally, emotionally, or physically. You see...love isn't a light switch (wink), so you can't shut it on or off. In the face of true love: anger can't eliminate it, sadness can't dismiss it, jealousy can't fight it, and fear can't push it away. It's there to stay. You can't run from it because it will always catch you...and that's because it's never truly left you.
I don't know what compelled me to write about love today because I initially had something else in mind, but everything has it's purpose so I'm sure someone will get the message. The love you've been asking for, praying about, or searching for, may already be there...and if it's not, be prepared to receive it when it comes because it surely will....and when it does, envelope yourself in it. I'll leave you with the lyrics and video to this beautiful song:
Beyonce- 1+1 (Make Love to Me)
If I aint got nothing, I got you If I aint got something I don't give a damn, cause I got it with you
I don't know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two And it's me and you, thats all we'll have when the world is thru Cause baby we aint got nothing without love
Darling you got enough for the both of us
So come on baby, make love to me When my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me. So that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Right now baby make love to me...me...me...mee...mee. ooh ooh make love to me.
Hey! I don't know much about guns but I...I've been shot by you
Hey! And I don't know when I'm gon die, but I hope that I'm gon die by you
Hey! And I don't know much about fighting, but I, I know I will fight for you
Hey! Just when I ball up my fist I realize that I'm laying right next to you
Baby we aint nothing but love, and darling you got enough for the both of us
Make love to me...when my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.
Make love to me...so that when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all
Help me let down my guard, make love to me…me..me….me..meee ooh ooh ooh make love to me...me...me...mee...mee.
We’ve all had those relationships that ended physically, but not emotionally. What we thought was completely over, we find ourselves continuing to think about and realizing its everlasting presence. In some cases, we find that while we may have been “over it” when it ended, when that person or thoughts of them resurface, our feelings do as well. Does that mean that our feelings truly left or the relationship was premature in ending?
Lately, I’ve had many conversations with friends, family, and associates on this very topic. Some people are completely against revisiting a relationship stating that the reasons they ended may very well still be apparent and will ultimately be the demise of the future re-established relationship. Some others think that depending on the reasons the relationship ended, it may be a courtship that can be re-visited and be successful.
I used to work with a young woman who had just broken up with her fiancée. I was immediately intrigued the moment she threw it out there, but realized that it wasn’t my place to ask...so I didn’t. About a month later, the topic of relationships, specifically that one, came up again. She proceeded to tell me about her ex-fiancée and their relationship. They dated for years, their families got along very well, he treated her like a princess, and they were in love. He popped the question and she said yes. Perfect right?...wrong. The closer they got to the wedding, the more uneasy and anxious she became. Her love for him hadn’t gone away, but there was something that she just couldn’t place her finger on. Though she wasn’t exactly sure what it was, she was sure that it wasn’t supposed to feel that way, so she mustered up the courage to do what most people, women especially, would never have the gaul to do...she called off the engagement. Everyone was up in arms and she along with her fiancée, were understandably devastated. Despite how hard it was, she didn’t want to enter the sacred institution of marriage without a pure and genuine heart. Though difficult, she moved on and dated other people and allowed her ex-fiancée to do the same. She just had to make sure that the man she initially was going to pledge her life and love to, was the “right one” for her. I admired her for her strength and prayed that she would eventually find her way...and she did...right back into the arms of her ex-fiancée. Their time apart solidified their original path...which was to journey through the rest of their lives together. As I type this, I envision their engagement photos that I just viewed before writing this. They’ll be married in a few months. <3
Everyone knows the story of Carrie and Mr. Big. Just incase you’ve been living under a rock, I’ll catch you up with the story of these fictitious, but realistic Sex and City characters. Carrie and Mr. Big had an exhausting relationship that lasted years and years. Although it was far from perfect, they always kept finding their way back to each other. There was even a point when Mr. Big got married. Of course, as with anyone in real life, Carrie was devastated, but she moved on. She had wonderful relationships and even moved to Paris to be with the man she loved and thought she could spend her life with. By that time, Mr. Big had already divorced his wife and come to the realization that his one true love was Carrie. Through all that drama (and believe me there’s much more), they find their way back to each other and end up happily married.
You may be reading this thinking “I could never or would never go back to _____” and that’s fine. Every previous relationship isn’t meant to be revisited. In fact, the majority of them are not. If the issues that caused you break up are still current or if the relationship ended in such a manner that there’s no way to revive it, by all means, DON’T go back. However, everything in life has its perfect time to bloom and timing, along with who you were and who they were at the time may have been a major factor in why you didn’t work out. I wouldn’t necessarily write off the person and history (depending on what it was) just because it didn’t work out before. You truly never know what God has for you and it may be given to you in a manner you weren’t expecting, so you must be open. Who you were then, isn’t who you are now (hopefully) and who your ex was then, may not be who they are now (prayerfully). Always remember to keep your mind and heart open. Your love may come in that same recognizable package with even more inside to offer. Live. Laugh. LOVE.
When you think of the major health concerns that are heavily affecting the black population, several diseases come to mind, but rarely is Sickle Cell Anemia mentioned. Until I had the unfortunate experience of losing my brother-in-law AJ to the disease in 2009, I, like so many others, had been oblivious to the severity of the disease. In honor of Fresh Health Month, get to know some important facts about Sickle Cell.
What is Sickle Cell Anemia? Sickle Cell Anemia is one of the most common inherited blood diseases and primarily affects Africans and African Americans. Although sickle cell is not a “black gene”, it disproportionately occurs in the black population. Current estimates are that one in 1,875 U.S. African Americans is affected with sickle cell anemia. It is a disorder of the blood caused by inherited abnormal hemoglobin that causes distorted red blood cells. These blood cells are fragile are prone to rupture and when this occurs, the condition is referred to as sickle cell anemia. The irregularly shaped cells can and usually block blood vessels which in turn cause tissue and organ damage as well as intense pain.
How is Sickle Cell Diagnosed? Sickle cell anemia is diagnosed when the abnormal “sickle-shaped” cells are identified under a microscope. Prenatal diagnosis can also be possible using amniocentesis of the fetal cells. Sickle cell requires the inheritance of two sickle cell genes. When there is only one sickled gene/trait, it almost never produces a problem. The best way to know is to get tested especially when thinking about having children. It’s important for both parties to be aware of whether they or a family member can be a possible carrier of the trait.
What are the symptoms? Symptoms and features include: fatigue and anemia, pain crises, swelling and inflammation of hands and feet, bacterial infections, lung and heart injury, eye damage, leg ulcers, etc. Depending on the strand and the health history, each person can be affected and experience symptoms in many ways. For more information and support, visit www.sicklecelldisease.org.
Certified Life Coach. Editor for Fearless Magazine. Life Coach Contributor for Hope for Women Magazine. Contributor for www.thefreshxpress.com. Lover of God. Driven. Intelligent. Fashionista. Motivated. Disciplined. Beautiful. Visionary. Author. Public Speaker. Entrepreneur. Successful....these are some of the things that describe me. I am all about moving forward and progressing toward achieving all that my heart desires. I believe in embracing all of my talents and not locking in to one aspect of my interests. Feel free to send me a message on specifics of what I do and projects that I am available for. Be blessed.
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