The Waiting Game

"Great things are going to happen."  "Just wait, and you'll see your amazing future unfold before your very eyes."  "Keep on working and everything will pay off."  No matter how many times you're told this, and how strongly you believe it, you sometimes can't help but have moments of frustration and scream out "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?!"  Even with the most positive and optimistic of attitudes, you run into moments of frustration that have you question the very things that you're waiting and believing for.  If you're anything like me (super analytical), your mind runs wild with made-up anecdotes that do nothing but push you into a deeper place of frustration.  How do you get out?  So often, people will say to continue to just believe, but sometimes that isn't enough.  Sometimes you need to be responsible for re-energizing your own self rather than relying on other things and people to do it for you.  Next time you're down in the dumps, try these 'sure-fire' ways to get your faith-driven blood pumping.

1. Revamp Your Goal List: Remember when you listed everything you wanted to accomplish?  As you were making that list, you couldn't help but be filled the hope of endless possibilities.  As you make that list, you truly believe that all the things you're putting down are possible and wonderful energy comes from you envisioning that it's already done.  When we get into a slump or become impatient, we are so far-removed from those "feel good" emotions.  Re-do the list.  Celebrate the things that you can cross off the old list and find solace in the renewed spirit that washes over you as you add new and wonderful things to accomplish.

2. Time Out: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is absolutely nothing.  Take a break.  Even the most successful people know when to relax, and if you don't, life will find a way to put you in your very own time-out.  When you get into the rhythm of doing things, sometimes you fall away from the passion and fall into a routine.  Before you know it, you aren't progressing as much or things don't appear to be as fulfilling.  You might find yourself at place that feels more like a plateau than an upward climb.  This is the breeding ground for frustration.  In those moments, take the time to just "be."  Get lost in your good thoughts.  Do something that simply makes you happy and is purely recreational.  You are not a machine, so you can't operate successfully for long as one.  You may think that this time-out is a waste of time, but it actually will re-energize you and help put you in a better frame of mind. 

3. A Picture Says a Thousand Words: I've advised this before, but it works so well, I'll advise it again: create a visual aestethic that will remind you of the things you want.  Whether it be success, love, health, etc, seeing is believing.  Create a vision board or book.  If you're not the most creative, cut/rip out pictures and tape them up.  A lot of people run from this idea because they're not creative, but this project is for you, not to be put on display.  You can simply tape the photos to your bathroom mirror or your wall.  Just make sure that it's placed in a location that you see often.  By doing this, you will be reaffirming the positive things to come and it will help you through the tougher times. 

4. Talk about it: It's so easy to bury your feelings and just wish them away, but sometimes, simply venting can help eliminate them.  In verbalizing things out loud, you often get the chance to hear and see them in a new way.  Whoever you choose to speak to whether it be a family member, friend, or life coach, you open the door to receiving advice on ways to fix whatever issue you're going through.  Even better, the optimistic attitude and words of the person listening may give you hope and increase the chance of you resolving your problem.  

In life, we must wait and there's no way around that, but we do have the power to change the experience of the waiting game.  Whether it's for success, goals, or love, the wait time of the journey serves as preparation for the destination.    

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

LOVE....Ready or Not?

"Don't pray for God to put someone in your life. Pray that you're ready when they come."  

This is by far one of the best quotes I've ever heard when it comes to love.  So often, when one decides to committ to the longevity that love has to offer, you immediately go into praying for the type of person you want.  The height, age range, profession, personality, etc, but sometimes we forget to look within.   

There was a particular man that I went on a date with in the past.  The moment I met him, he exuded such an intense passion toward me which caught me off guard since we just met.  I also didn't share the same intensity or emotion, so it was a lot to handle.  One night, we were on the phone and he was in the midst of sharing everything that he was going through.  Afterwards, he quickly changed subjects and blurted in the most exasperated of voices, "Stephanie, I'm ready to be a husband and have a family."  Now this is music to most women's ears, however, to mine, it was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.  I had to remind and say to him all the negative and currrent circumstances he had mentioned to me a mere five minutes prior.  I told him that in no way was I trying to be mean or insensitive, but the truth was, he wasn't ready to be a husband, have a family, or be the head of a household.  At first, he was taken aback and I could feel the hurt energy, so I explained.  The things that he's currently going through are things that will help him become a greater man, but if he truly sat down with himself, he couldn't really say that he was ready for those responsibilites. We sat in silence although I could hear him loud and clear.  Finally, he said "you're right.  As much as I want those things right now, I'm not ready for them."  We continued conversing and I shared that even I continued to strive to the be the best I could be so when the role of wife and mother call me, I'm truly ready.  

No one is ever 100% ready, but there comes a time in your life when you're in a good enough place where you will add to someone's life rather than subtract with all your baggage. The next time you fret with thoughts of when this perfect person is coming, ask yourself this: am I ready?  If Mr. or Ms. Right walked in the door, would I be able to complement them and a create a positive future with them?  If the answer is yes, then that's great!  If the answer is no, don't worry; just strive to become the best you, every single day.  When the time is right, everything will fall into place.  

Live. Laugh. LOVE.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Guest Life Coach Expert Stephanie Benoit: "Point of View" Talk Show

A couple of months ago, I was given the opportunity to be featured as a guest on the Point of View talk show on the Afrotainment channel.  The topic was "The Power of a Praying Woman."  It was such a great experience for me and deepened my love for being on television.  This experience showed me that the possibilities are endless and that hard work pays off.  A year ago, I would've never thought that I'd be a guest expert on a talk show.  With continued determination, I know that I will achieve all that I desire.  I encourage you to continue to reach for your dreams and know that they are attainable.  It's not your job to figure out how it'll happen.  You just have to work hard and continue to move forward!  

Take a look at my talk show appearance! 

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Reason. Season. Lifetime. The Circles of Friendship.

Friend. Ami. Amiga. Amicus.  No matter what language you say it in, it all means the same.  Friends are the family members that you get to choose.  No matter what you need or what you're going through, they are always there.  You never think that your friends would betray you or fall out your life, but as I mature and continue to grow in all my relationships, I realize that some were never meant to be there for the entire ride. 

Throughout the years, I've come across a lot of people.  Luckily for me, I've always been quite selective with who I've chosen to let in my life, and more importantly, my inner circle.  I'm a true observer.  Even as a child, I would always remain quite aloof in my dealings with people until I built trust enough to be able to call you my friend.  I'm still that way till this very day and I would advise most people to do that rather than jumping straight in.  You just never know how people will impact your life.


Reason.  I had a friend who I initially was acquantainces with.  For some reason, I had a vested interest in helping her.  I felt like I could be a good role model and help her through a difficult time in her life.  Before I knew it, she was one of my closest friends.  The things that we helped each other through rivaled that of sisters and we didn't take it for granted.  As time progressed, we grew slightly apart.  At first it wasn't that noticable or problematic, but after a slight rift that she refused to address, we were no longer speaking.  I am a person who likes to address issues head on.  She is more passive.  Well, in her pasivity, she chose to ignore the problem and our friendship, all in the same swoop. You can't communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, so we didn't...and haven't.  It bothers me because I cared for her like a sister and made a point to be there for her, but things don't always go the way you think they will.  My frustration caused me to wonder what the point of it all was. What was the reason, we became friends if the friendship would crumble so easily?  I figured that my ultimate purpose in this friendship could have been to help her in the one of the most difficult times of her life.  With that, I moved on.  


Season.  The last year in college was one of the best.  Me and my closests friends created something that was more than a friendship; it was a family.  We literally went to class, ate dinner together, attended functions, etc.  You name it, we did it...together.  One of my friends imparticular completed the lady trifecta that was composed of me, my best friend, and her.  You couldn't see one of us without the other and if you did, we knew where the other was and why he/she wasn't there, lol.  College is one of the best experiences in life but it also is one of the most trying as well.  As you navigate through life and early adulthood, you're bombarded with the realities of life and learn only at the moment, how to best cope. We laughed and cried together and when it was time for us to separate, we closed it out with an emotional circle that I punctuated with us sharing the wishes that we had for one another. Even though we closed out our last night in the same city, never did we think that would close out our friendship.  That, however, is exactly what happened with one of us.  She moved and fell off the face of the earth.  Not one to actively keep in touch, she acted as a child does when they move away...they switch schools and made new friends.  The difference is, we are adults, so continuing a friendship ensues with ease.  Almost all of my close friends, including my best friend, don't live in my city.  We simply take vacations, keep in touch, and continue to be there in times of need...and believe me, there have been many.  We even reached out a long time ago, jokingly bashed her about her absence and extended an olive branch to rekindle our sisterhood.  Till this day, we have heard nothing.  I can't tell you how many conversations we've had about her and how hurt we are about her nonchalance, but you live and you learn.  No matter how ridiculous it is now, when we discuss those memories, we still laugh to the point of tears.  That season, will always remain one of the best and one of the most impactful in my life, but like real seasons, they often change...and bring something else.  


Lifetime.  The past few years have been quite trying in every way imaginable.  The funny thing is, I found that I wasn't the only one going through it.  Like myself, my most treasured friends had life changes of their own.  The beauty of it was that we could all be there for one another.  The happenings in the recent past are things that have altered who we've become, taught us who we want to be, and strengthened the only thing we could depend on, our faith. These are the friendships that lead you further into your life and walk with you throughout it. No matter what changes may occur (marriage, children, career), they are there.  

Life was never meant to be lived alone.  Along with finding your perfect match in a mate, God blesses you with special people in your life to fill your friendship tank.  It may take several wrong turns with the wrong passengers before you get to your destination, but eventually you'll arrive with the right people in tow.  Guard your heart, mind, and words. Take time to build trust.  Most importantly, don't let the negative experiences harden your heart and keep you from the positive things and people that lie in your future.  I'm grateful for my lifetime friends.  Don't forget to be grateful for yours.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...