Reading and Writing Through Life.... (written for KIDMUNICATOR)

As a child I always found myself  “in my head.”  I constantly had thoughts swarming around but for some reason I was always apprehensive to sharing them.  Everyone else in my family was very chatty and said whatever came to mind, but I always guarded my thoughts.  Always the bookworm, you could find me locked in my room, under the covers, immersed in a novel.  The years of reading and training that my parents put me through (they’re avid believers of reading and education) paid off.  I excelled in school, read years above my grade level, and was even offered to be skipped up two grades!  Eventually, I began to put my thoughts and ideas from my reading into my own words.  I started writing.  At first, I kept it to myself, but after much coaxing from my teacher, I decided to share my stories with my classmates.  They enjoyed it so much that it became a weekly event that grew into sharing my stories with three other classes as well.  Not only did it provide me an outlet for thoughts and creativity, it also increased my socialization skills and self-esteem.  

Writing my own stories caused me to want to relay my own thoughts down as well which lead me into journaling.  Journaling opened up a new lane of self-expression for me.  There I was able to express my feelings about everyday life, things that were occurring in my family, as well as my hopes as dreams for the future.  Looking back, some of it even served as a vision board (if you will), because a lot of what I said I wanted to accomplish had already been written.  Journaling is so important because whether you realize it or not, it is somewhat therapeutic.  It allows you to face your thoughts as you write them in plain view and helps you process what’s really going on in your mind.  Not only does it aid in self-healing, it also increases your vernacular and reading skill-set.  Double-win!

My love for reading and writing has taken me quite far.  What began as a love for education and creativity in my youth, has become a way of life in my adulthood.   I currently lend my writing talents to several magazines as an editor/contributor, am completing my first book, and still find the time to journal in the form of my weekly blog posts (www.stephaniebenoit.blogspot.com).  Something that began so simply as me writing down my feelings or getting lost in the fantasy of a novel’s world has shaped my reality beautifully.  

If you feel that you don’t always want to talk about it, write about it first or take the time to research a book that may be of healing for you.  Remember that no one can ever take away your words, your heart, or your education!

Live.  Laugh.  Learn.  

Scary Thoughts.....

What if?  Let’s say this happens?  Worst case scenario?  These are some of the phrases people often use when they consider the outcomes of circumstances that they have no control over.  Instead of focusing on what could be, people tend to lean toward all the things that stand in the way of the happier possibilities.  In a world where you’re taught to expect nothing, but hope for the best, why are we still hoping for less?

This week, one of my clients called me frazzled with a particular situation.  As with any of my clients, I make myself available within sessions for emergency situations and this was just that.  I will not go into detail for obvious ethical reasons, but what I will say is that the majority of our conversation was me offering positive possibilities for every negative one she came up with.  Though the situations she brought up were very possible, she was operating out of fear.  Every negative reason she gave was something that she created based off of an idea of what could possibly be since she wasn’t really sure of what was.  My job and goal was to get her to see the infinite positive possibilities as well as teach her to combat her own negative thinking that was caused my her increased anxiety.  I’m not oblivious to the fact that yes, negative things do occur, but we mustn’t think only in terms of the realization of our fears, but also with the possibility of the positive outcomes.  

Also, this week, one of my family members was having a procedure done.  As we discussed who was taking him to the doctor and the prep for the procedure, he stated “what if they put me to sleep and I don’t wake up?”  Though this is a normal fear, especially for those that have never been under anesthesia,  I wondered why that’s the first thing that comes to mind?  As I did my best to coax him into being calm and thinking of the great health benefits of the procedure, he began to see the glass as half full. 

As happy as I was that I could help veer the views of two people into a positive direction, it got me wondering why we always go to the worst case scenario?  What one must understand is that not only do our fears paralyze and control us, but if we fear them too much, we begin to act based off of the imaginary consequences and situations we’ve created.  My advice: always be prepared for the possibilities of what life may bring, but don’t allow the fears of the unknown and uncontrollable to dictate your thinking. Often times, our lives go in the direction of our most dominant thoughts, so the next time you start thinking about the possibility of the worst, stop yourself, and embrace the euphoric joy of the best!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

What are you willing to accept?

Life is chalk full of choices, but along with those choices comes many consequences.  What easier and more palpable way to swallow the more negative ones by pointing the finger and curling up in a victimized fetal position?  There always HAS to be something that was done to you because to actually take the responsibility that the negative outcome was in direct relation to the very choice and action you made is more than unnerving.  It places the ever-horrendous reflection that can only be seen by the fun-house mirror at the circus.  In this day in age, when most people are intelligent enough to mildly accurately self-diagnose the nature of their own psychological defect and the effects it’s had on their actions, why is it still so hard to take the blame?

Life is all about relationships.  Whether platonic or romantic, a dictatorship or business, they all exist between two or more people.  Regardless of the way you choose to label yours, which ever way it’s going, is exactly the way you want it to.  There are many who would beg to differ, but many focus on the wrong thing.  We, as human beings, especially us women, figure that our results will come from the outcomes we’ve created in our minds based on our current and consistent actions, regardless of the consistent truths we’ve been shown.  Movement needs to happen on our own time frame.  Apologies need to happen when we think they should.  Understanding and enlightenment needs to happen at a certain juncture.  As a woman, I’m totally guilty of this, but the more I begin to think, the more clear it becomes.  It’s not about you and it’s not about me.  It’s about what you’re willing to deal with; what you’re willing to ACCEPT.  Never do we dig beyond what we see in terms of men and that is where everything truly lies.  This is the truth for everyone, however.  There are experiences and pasts that are so deeply engraved that lend themselves to the current creation of the person you now know.  You are receiving a part of them that has always been there that has nothing to do with you or what you provide.  To be able to successfully “have it your way” or as close to it as you can, you must understand that person and all their relative experiences for your “aha moment.”  The greater issue and hope is that they themselves understand it and if they haven’t worked on it, are open to digging deep, learning to walk in the thundering rain of their issue(s), and accept living in the sunshine of their newly overcome circumstances and life.  When that becomes possible, then everything can really move forward. 

A very significant realization that I’ve had in the past few days is my responsibility for my time.  For a very long time now, but especially most recently, I’ve discussed my time or lack thereof.  My time often seems to go to a lot of other things and doesn’t allow me to complete or even start what I intended.  It has been this way for years.  Sure, there have been times when I’ve put my foot down about it, but in a way, my guilt and desire to be of service and not let everyone down, became an enabler of some sort.  It also became the way I victimized myself.  After spending time with a very significant someone recently and watching them take accountability in ways I’d never seen before, it gave me the tools to become accountable as well.  The hardest part: being accountable for all the things you don’t like or all the negative things.  It’s not the easiest pill to swallow, but when you do, it becomes easier.  Personal acceptability allows you to see and make the choices that were always there in the first place.  There are no blindfolds that come in the forms of excuses or victimized circumstances.  There is only the truth and the choices you make with your present actions and when things don’t work out the way you thought, you remain present and responsible and do better next time.  What I am doing now is being present and protective with my time.  If that means saying “no” to some things and people, then I’m going to actively say “no” knowing that this will contribute to the protection of my time and the evolution of me.  

Whether it’s being present in the relationship you choose or taking charge of your time and life, the sooner you understand that you are a part of everything, good and bad, the better off you will be.  You have the power to choose and the power to be empowered by the outcomes of your choices.  Pray that God teaches you the lesson from each choice and that you are proud to accept the life you’ve created!

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Balance & Shine....

We jump out of bed and rush to the shower.  From the shower, we pour ourselves into our clothes, grab the quickest and most convenient on-the-go breakfast, and curse traffic hoping it will propel us to our destination more quickly.  If you begin each day with the renewed spirit of entrepreneurship, you raise your disciplined body with your internal itinerary and find that your life's day is navigated by the compass of the happenings of life hopefully sprinkled by the tasks you actually need to accomplish.  In a world where it's common to hear, "there aren't enough hours in the day," how do we find the balance?  More importantly, when our mastery of our time shows it's face in our success, how do we deal with the excessive glamour that may come with it?  

It is no secret that when we look into the lives of the rich and famous, the glamour and glitz are sometimes overshadowed by the negativity that accompanies it.  The lives of these sought after and looked up to celebs bombard our desires on a daily basis.  Whether through the gossip-filled blogs or through water-cooler conversations, the famous are idolized to no end.  From the outside in, you can't see the things they give up, their insecurities, their demons and turmoil, and their lack of balance.  We all do our best to balance, and believe that in the hands of a fabulous personal assistant-extraordinaire, lies the balance that makes your life happen as it should.  What we learn when the truth is exposed is that the balance we so desperately yearn for, they yearn for as well and many lose grasp of it and also the ability to live the lives and enjoy the luxuries they worked so hard for.  

It's no secret that we lost a legend recently.  Whitney Houston left the earth and the saddest part: her legendary lifestyle, achievements, and memory were sullied by the part of her that struggled.  The part that wasn't wrapped up in diamonds and fur.  The part that fell off of the beam of balance, time and time again.  As I look at the endless videos, remembrance films, and interviews with those who knew her, I think of how sad it is that things ended up the way they did.  I know God does things on His own time, but sometimes, you can't help but wonder.   

A close friend of mine and I had a discussion a couple of nights ago about "wanting too much" and our feelings associated with that.  Coincidentally, we always discuss balance which prompted this hodgepodge post.  We both have clearly learned to better balance our lives as we've matured, but we're still learning.  There was a time that I felt that the right balance changed depending on the time and the goal.  Whatever your priority is at the time determines how you balance everything else.  For me, there is an evolution of balance.  It's never the same nor is it ever perfect enough to where one end of the beam isn't tilting closer toward the ground than the other side.  In regard to the idea of wanting too much, it's no secret to anyone who's spoken to me and some of my crew, that we want it all.  We work hard and aspire to do so much.  In my mind, the sky really is the limit!  I desire much knowing that God, himself, places those desires in my heart.  He doesn't place the same wants in everyone which leads me to believe that He knows that I can handle the blessings that he gives me knowing that I will use them to ultimately bless others.  That is, after all, what we're all here for...to be a beacon of light for others.

Don't allow guilt to rob you of the joy and dreams that your desires give you.  You were placed on this earth to do what you're currently doing and achieve what you're working on.  Shine brightly but refuse to let the brightness of the glamour steal your God-given light and balance.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement.....

Onward & Upward....

Life is all about change.  If you dare disagree, you’re in complete denial.  Whether you’re accepting of that change or desperately fighting against it, it happens.  Though everyone describes it as an earth-shattering experience, it can be a very scary process.  To leave what you know, even if you desire something else, takes you out of your comfort zone.  Being uncomfortable causes you to begin to reach up and pick out the worst of scenarios and frighten yourself even more.   In the end, however, it is more than worth it.

For a long time now, I’ve found myself at a crossroads.  I was in a place that I desperately abhorred, but didn’t see an easy way out of.  Though at times my entire being wanted to just get up and run, my sensible self told me that, that wouldn’t be the best idea.  Running would simply add to whatever I was running from, not eliminate it.  With the understanding of that, I decided to stay.  At the beginning of this year, I thought to myself “how awesome would it be if I could leave this place and embark on something new that was intertwined with my passions.”  I decided that the best thing I could do was continue to work hard and pray.  I did just that.  I was careful to request my desires specifically and made sure to keep believing.  One things for sure, if you don’t truly believe in your dreams and desires, no matter how hard you work, you will never attain them...and that’s simply because you don’t truly believe you can.  As days passed by, I didn’t allow myself to waiver or be saddened by the circumstance.  I kept pushing on.  Finally, one recent afternoon, I decided to do an exercise that I often do with some of my life coaching clients.  I decided to write a letter about the situation as if it had ALREADY been taken care of.  This letter was the viewpoint of being on the other side.  I even re-wrote it twice to make sure it was perfect and slipped it into a book.  That, my friends, is one form of an exercise of putting your desires into the atmosphere.  You can see it and it becomes more real.  Well, God definitely heard me because a short 45 minutes later, things completely changed in my life.  The very thing that I wrote about on that piece of paper happened!  I was so excited!  My heart beamed with thanksgiving.  Later that day, a part of me, although happy, naturally began to think of all the negative “what-ifs” in my new situation, but I didn’t allow them in my spirit long enough to even consider planting a seed.  I knew, without a doubt, that because of the way things happened, my steps were being ordered and I was that much closer to my destiny.  

Today, I encourage you to step out on faith and embrace the changes.  There will always be change.  That is what life is.  You may not always understand the purpose of the juncture, but trust that it will take you to your destination.  Be lead by your belief in the one that orchestrates the changes, and not crippled by the uneasy angst that tries to steal your peace.  Know that you are meant to achieve all you desire as your wonderful change moves you onward and upward! 

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Live to Work Your Passion...Not Your J-O-B....

I have noticed that within my generation, more people want to own a business than work for one.  Long gone are the days, for many, where punching a clock and living to work for someone else's dream suffice.  Even the economic turmoil that has occurred in recent years doesn't scare the mind of an entreprenuer. So what do you do when you feel stuck in your job and unable to transition to your own dream?  You plan; Plain and simple.  

First off, know what you really want to do.  This may seem like something that is so obvious, but when asked, you may find yourself stumped.  It's even happened to me when someone asked me what I wanted to do, I paused.  On the inside, I knew exactly what I wanted, however, I hadn't really ever verbalized it, so it appeared that I may not know.  Tip: You never know when the person you run into holds the keys to an opportunity that will catapult you into another professional dimension.  Make it your business to know what you want and to be able to sell it in 30 seconds or less.  This type of elevator speech is a great, compact, and direct way to promote yourself and your business.  

Another great way to get yourself out there is to create marketing tools.  This can range from the general business card and website to an ad in the newspaper and most certainly social networking!  Making yourself known and slowly building your business and clientele while you're at work, will give your more of a ground to stand on when your time is up.  You'll not only be more secure, but will also have more contacts through your networking that will be able to add value to your transition time.  

Yes, you may be at work during the day, but the work you do at night will count the most.  Ladies and gentlemen, the name of the game is sacrifice.  You can't give your all during the day for someone else's dream, but neglect your own.  Your personal evening time now belongs to your dream.  Even if you have a family and a spouse, make it your business to accomplish at least one to two tasks.  By doing this, something will shift.  Your energy and thoughts will be in the direction that respects your goals and deems them just as, if not, more important than your traditional work duties.  It may be difficult at the beginning,  but after a while, it will become a way of life.  

Lastly, put it in the atmosphere.   For so long, people have been saying to write things down.  Say it from your mouth.  Believe them in your mind.  When you do these things and couple them with hard, consistent, and productive efforts, it will just be a matter of time until your're creating jobs rather than working one.  You will not work to live, but will live to work your passion.  

The risk of leaving the hum-drum consistency of your job may be scary, but when executed with all the above, you can't lose.  What you decide today, will show it's face in where you are 10 years from now.  What reflection do you want looking back at you?  Where do you want to be?  Get Ready to work for your dreams.  

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Being Fearlessly Fit (Article previously written for Fearless Magazine)

The new year always offers the perfect time and incentive to get in shape.  Exercise is not only important to looking good for the upcoming flirty months, but also important to remaining healthy throughout the year.  Try these fun and fast workouts ideas to keep yourself at your sexiest winter's best!

• Beach Run- the beach provides the perfect backdrop to get you up and going!  The fresh air alone is invigorating and the sun provides that extra ounce of beauty to get you energized.  Start with a brisk walk and work your way into a light jog.  For those who are more physically advanced, you can go ahead and start off with a well-paced run.  Whichever you choose to do, the sand will offer a great resistance to your workout and make your workout more effective.
• Cardioke- for those of you who love to dance and sing, or do something a little different, this is the workout for you!  Incorporating  great music, the freedom to belt out your favorite songs, and heart racing aerobic moves, helps you workout and have a good time!  Before you know it, you’ve burned tons of calories!
• Everything you ever want- many may not know, but your cable network offers a channel(s) that give you an endless variety of workouts.  Gone are the days when at-home workouts provided low-intensity workouts; usher in the days when the workouts are just as intense, if not more than your trip to the gym.  From yoga and pilates to cardio and intense weight training, you’ll find everything imaginable to keep you motivated!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

New Year, New HEALTHY You!

It’s a new year and what does that mean for many across the globe? Resolutions! And what resolution is the most popular EVERY year? Weight loss! For some reason, every year, people rev themselves up to believe the first of the year brings discipline and drastic change. Newsflash: it doesn’t! If you pay close attention, you will notice midday through January 1st, you are doing, saying, and acting the very same way you did the day before. Even if you try to do things differently, you’ll notice that subconsciously you are thinking and saying the same things. Why; Because your daily habits create who you are. There is no overnight change. When you realize this, you will take the necessary actions to have a life long change instead of a temporary one. Got it? Good! With that in mind, let’s get to some awesome ways to kick-start the healthier, sexier you!


Personal Trainer- this is one of the best ways to not only work out, but to also increase your exercise knowledge. Whether you need a swift, (but caring) kick in the butt or want to try something new, a personal trainer is the way to go. They will support you when you need it, push you when you want to give up, and explain the benefits of the things you are doing. The best part of this? When you’re all said and done with your trainer, you will have the knowledge to continue to positively moving forward to progress in and sustain your fitness goals!

Home Sweet Home- for a variation of reasons, you may prefer to work out at home. Initially, when we think of home exercises, we drift to the old school Suzanne Somers “thigh-master” workouts that left you dewy fresh. Well, jump in the new millennium my friends! Home workouts are not what they used to be! Nowadays, home workouts, (if done correctly), are just as intense as a workout done with a trainer and/or at the gym.  For instance, take the Les Mills Pump Workout Program by Beach Body;  this incredible workout program is the fastest way to get in shape!  The barbell-based strength training program promotes rapid weight loss  and can burn up to 1, 000 calories per workout to get you lean, strong, and scultped!   Wow!  How's that for a home workout?!  You'll be 1,000 calories lighter, without leaving the house!

Trick or Treat- Yes, this phrase is synonomous for halloween, but we can use it with our daily eating habits!  Let's be real: candy, cookies, brownies, chips, soda, etc. all taste delicious...BUT those are some of the worst things you can put into your body.  Now, all things in moderation, so you can have that every now and then, but for the most part, don't even look in their direction!  Healthy food has come a long way in the past decade.  No longer are the healthier options not as enjoyable or enticing.  Gone are the days of disgusting after-tastes and pinching your nose to gulp it down!  Usher in the days of enjoying the options just as much and even moreso, knowing it's good for you!  These foods/snacks offer an awesome way for you to trick your taste buds into believing you're having a "bad" treat instead of a "good" one.  You can exercise all you want, but you can never beat good nutrition!  Practicing healthy eating habits, can help with not only weight loss but with other diseases associated with poor eating habits.  Add to that the extra self-esteem boost, and you'll not only notice a change in your body, but also in your mind and spirit. 

This year, resolve to not only get in shape for the upcoming  summer, but resolve to create long-lasting, life-changing way of life.   If you committ to that this year, it won't be on the resolution list next year.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Patiently Waiting....

Quick, steady perservearance.  Even-tempered care.  An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.  The bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. All of these define one of the most difficult virtues we struggle with....patience.  From the moment, you could understand, the art of being patient was explained; whether through your mother, a friend, quotes, or even the Bible, there are a number of things that point to need of being patient.  In a world where we know that time always wins, why is it so hard to wait?

At this point, if you've been following me, you know that I aspire to do many things.  I write for a couple magazines, am a creative editor for a couple more, was recently featured on a talk show (POV Talkshow ft. Stephanie Benoit), am working on my website, and am working on motivational speaking.  I'm believing God that it is just the beginning.  Although, I wanted things to get moving for so long, when I looked back at who I was a few years ago, nothing would have worked at that time.  The person that I was then had not gone through as many vital learning experiences as I have now.  One night, as I was laying in bed, something clicked.  I reliazed that the person who I was then could never successfully be the person who I am now.  My passsion is to help people through empowerment and motivation.  The struggles that I went through positioned me to soften my heart and increase my empathy.  It caused me to understand the struggle, rather than just talk about it.  It caused me to change my ways in a way that was only fitting for the torch that I would carry.  To really be successful in my chosen path, especially to the degree that I want, I have to become the very change and evolution that I desire to help others with.  Years ago, if I would have taken this career path, I would've inevitably failed.  I wasn't ready, but now, I'm walking in my purpose on purpose.  I can handle this walk now because I  began my journey at the right TIME.

Relationships....there are a billion ways to discuss this one topic.  So many variables go into meeting and being with the love of your life.  Love, true love can be dangerously consuming.  Sometimes, without you knowing, that desire for someone can hinder the person you're supposed to become.  The issue is not whether you two are made for each other.  The issue is the growth that fails to occur, because of it. Everyone (along with myself included) has been in love.  You know, the love that silently crushes you when you ponder the possibility of no longer being with them. You envelope yourself in thoughts of them and whether you realize it or not, that relationship may be the hiccup to your next step in life.  At the moment that the relationship ends, you are devastated; broken even.  You wrestle with thoughts of why that person even entered your life if they weren't there to stay for good.  What you can't see is that it's not the right TIME.  You must grow separately to be able to grow together into something that will be everlasting.  It just may not be that you're not meant to be with that person.  It just may be that it's not the right time and if God has it so, that he or she is who you belong with, then it will be...at the right time...with a little PATIENCE. 

It's a tough thing to wait, but it's worth it.  Great things don't come easily and without work and patience.  Don't be discouraged by the things you don't acquire on your own time.  If a mother decides to have her baby at 6 months instead of 9 and the baby doesn't make it, does it mean she wasn't meant to mother this beautiful life?  No, it means that at 6 months wasn't the right time.  As a baby grows and develops, it's gathers nutrients and stretches for the survival of a lifetime.  The same goes for us.  That wait time is utero.  We are growing and stretching to be able to sustain the blessings we are given. 

As 2011 comes to a close, and 2012 shines brightly on all your desires, remember to exercise a little patience.  All great things come in due TIME. 

Happy New Year everyone! :)

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Going Out With a Bang....

So it's the beginning of December and all you can think is "where has the year gone?!"  It feels like we were just clanging glasses of champagne, screaming "happy new year" and leaning in for that oh-so-important smooch.  Many people are also ransacking their place looking for that pivotal, resolution list that was supposed to change their life and make 2011 the best year ever!!!!  Well...if you haven't crossed off many things on that list, you've found out, (and the hard way I might add), that without hard work and consistent effort, you can't accomplish things...and haven't.  

I know that at this time of year, people are thinking "maybe I'll just start my new goals next year," but there's no need to wait!  You can start right now!  Here are some tips to getting a head start on 2012.

• Revamp that list- So you accomplished a few things...great!  What about those other important tasks/goals?  Study your list and choose 2 things that you are definite you can accomplish before the year's end.  BE REALISTIC!  Do not choose something that you aren't sure you can complete.  This will only push you further back on the road to accomplish your goals.  Not only will completing the tasks take some things off of your list, it will positively propel you into the new year!  
• Assess your purpose- In the time span of a year, a lot of things can change.  Make sure that you're still en route to the same desires that you had the year prior.  Not knowing and changing mid-way through the year will kill your momentum. Know where you want to go and do whatever prepartory things it takes in order to start your year off right.  Last year, I decided to get some goals done early and it did wonders for this year.   
• Target Date- For all your goals, have a target date.  A target date makes you accountable.  When you put an action date in the atmosphere, you put yourself in a place where you have to get moving on your goals.  Having those dates will get you revved up to make this upcoming year your most successful!
• Action Plan- I love these!  Within every coaching session I conduct, I compile an action plan with my client in order to have a blueprint to assist them in completing their goal.  Often times, we have great ideas, but have no idea how to accomplish them. When we get stuck at the unprogressive place, we end up procrastinating not because we don't want to do it, but because we don't know how.  A plan of action will help guide you in the best way to go for your goal!

Yes, 2012 will be awesome if you want it to, but 2011 isn't gone yet!  Use each day to the fullest and work on your dream NOW.  Everyday is a gift, therefore we can't get caught up in the unknown of the future.  The only moment you have is the one that you're in, so use it and be grateful for it.  The greatest thing you can do is become the person that God created you to be.  So what are you waiting for?!  Get started and go out with a bang!  

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

What's Your Review?

Reviews are something that is so small, but can make a major impact.  Think about it.  Before you go see a movie, visit a city, or eat at a restaurant, you often check out the reviews, and based on the overall consensus, you indulge, or you don't.  Reviews aren't only for places and things; they're also for people.  Every action you take adds to your personal review.  How many stars do you think you have?   

There was someone I used to work with who redefined what an 'awful' co-worker was. This person was one of the rudest people I had ever met---to say the least.  The majority of co-workers didn't get along with this person either.  With little regard to the feelings of others, or dare I say, RESPECTING others, this person meandered around without a care in the world.   A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from a friend of mine.  Coincidentally, the miserable co-worker was applying for a new job and my friend was the one who was interviewing this person.  Small world!  Wanting to ensure that she made the right decision, my friend asked me to chime in on the real deal and let her know if it would be the right choice.  I really wished that I had something positive to say, but unfortunately, the negative came to my mind...and fast.  After, I shared my experience with this former co-worker, my friend politely stated "Okay.  I'll be moving the resume to the top of the trash when I get to the office on Monday morning."  Wow.  A few honest words from me and bam!....missed opportunity.  Little did this person know that I would oneday be the one person to vouch for their reputation and work ethic. 

I took this thought even further.  I have a strong work ethic and in building my personal brand, I understand what it takes to make myself known and reach my desires.  I do a lot.  I am editor for 2 magazines as well as a contributor for several others.  I'm a Certified Life Coach, a motivational speaker, and am currently co-authoring a book.  These are just a few of the things I'm working on.  When you enter a new industry in which you have no experience, you MUST be willing to sacrifice in order to build your resume.  What does that mean?  It means starting from the ground up and possibly taking advantage of opportunities that provide a wealth of experience that will generate income in the future.  In lamens terms, doing it for free now, lol.  I've had many people ask me how I can work so hard for certain things and not get paid for it.  After I explain that there are other ways of being compensated, especially when you have a long term goal, I also explain the importance of this: with every action you take, you are creating your very own review.  My work ethic is naturally who I am, but it is important to make sure that you are giving 100% in everything you do.  You see, my review, won't be "Stephanie is cool, but her work ethic sucks."  I can rest assured that all my hard work, my positive attitude, and my genuine desire to be of service to others, will always provide me with the best review possible from everyone I work with, every life I touch, and every word I write.  I can be confident that no matter who you ask, they'll have something positive to say.  My review will cause you to want to see me, meet me, talk to me, etc. 

I want to close with this: you never know who knows who.  Your big break may lie in the words of someone you didn't even know was connected to your opportunity.  Don't dismiss the things or people that you deem unimportant and uninfluential.  Allow your daily actions to create your best review and watch doors open up in your favor for your future!

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

The Light of the Dark.....

Darkness. When one thinks of the dark, you think of nothingness. The darkness is seen as cold, frightening, and eerily blinding. What can you see in the dark? Most would say 'nothing' but the darkness can show you more than you think. It's really up to what you're willing to see.

A few nights ago, my power went out. At first, I was startled. I grabbed my phone, feverishly dialed the electric company, and prepared to engage in a verbal war (dramatic, I know, lol). After much back and forth, and many promises that the problem is being worked on, I hung up and decided to accept my momentary fate. As I lay there in the stillness, I began to think. Everyday we are bombarded with the soundtrack of life. This playlist is filled with traffic noises, the humdrum beats of office machinery, the misery that lies in the news, and the negativity that spews from the mouth of so many people around you. The list goes on and on. If you notice, a lot of what surrounds us on a daily basis isn't the most positive and much of it you can't control. The only thing you can control is your reaction to it, but sometimes, the mere presence of the negative is exhausting. Couple those things with the ongoing issues in your personal life, and it can send your mind into overdrive. When you come home, there are another set of things that can trigger your thoughts. The tv, the radio, the phone, the computer...all of these things offer their two-cents on where your mind should be. And as much we may say that we need a mental time-out, we rarely get the chance to take one.

As I laid in the dark, I found no choice but to take my "time-out." In that time, I was forced to face my true thoughts. You know, the ones you run from throughout the day that always find a way to catch you at night; the ones that force you to face your truths. I had nowhere to run, so I didn't. In the dark, so much light was shed. It exposed the truly important things. It's difficult to see how trivial some things are until you have even less and with that realization, I became even more grateful. I began to thank God in the dark for the things He's done and given me, and for everything else that was on the way! Most importantly, I thanked Him that this was a momentary power lapse, versus some people who can only afford to live in the dark. The darkness for me that night became the light that exposed me to really see.

You may not have a power outage that forces you to be still, but it is in the quiet of those dark moments that you really see. In the upcoming week, I urge you to create your own make-shift blackout. Don't run from your thoughts...fall into the arms of them. Remember the important things and be grateful for everything, good and bad, for the experiences of the bad provides you with the empiricism that allows for a better experience in the future, void of the same mistakes. Lay in the dark...and let the light in.

Until next time...keep the forward movement... 

Your Best Life...

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” -Steve Jobs.  

This is one of the most profound quotes that I've ever heard.  In the wake of the untimely death of arguably the most brilliant innovator of our time, Steve Jobs, many have taken notice of all his achievements, thoughts, and unforgettable words.  Of his many words, this quotes represents the way I tend to live my life and advice others to do as well.  

Within the past five years, I, as well as some of the closests people around me, have experienced some truly trying times.  To say that we've been in our "rainy season" would be an understatement.  I used to live by the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow."  These last few years have taught me that there may not always be a tomorrow.  Your time is limited and God designed it in a such a way that you never know when it's up, so why not live it like each moment is your last?  Some may roll their eyes at the thought, but truth be told, the only time that belongs to you is the moment you're in.  Anything more is a gift from above.  

Spending time wishing to have another life is to waste the one you're living.  To live your life based on the thoughts of others, is to stifle the person you are and could become.  Years ago, I tailored a lot of what I did and what I looked like based on other people's opinions, especially in business.  Not until I truly listened to my own voice did I really begin to flourish and develop who I am and ultimately who I will become.  Following my heart and intuition has always been in my favor.  If you think about it, everyone can think of a situation where they failed to listen to their inner voice and ended up paying for it.  God gives us this natural gift of knowing when to do something, trust someone, make the right decision, etc.  He also gives us the ability to know when the opposite arises as well.  Don't ignore that voice no matter what.  It is your perfectly built-in compass.  

If his death has taught you nothing, consider this: death is inevitable.  Whether you're worth 8.3 billion dollars or $8.30, what's truly important is the impact that you make while you're living.  Each action, no matter how minute it may seem, is important.  When you look back on your life, what do you see?  If it's not what you want, then be grateful that you still have the time to make a difference, be the change that you wish to see, and live your best life possible.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Guest Life Coach Expert Stephanie Benoit: "Point of View" Talk Show

A couple of months ago, I was given the opportunity to be featured as a guest on the Point of View talk show on the Afrotainment channel.  The topic was "The Power of a Praying Woman."  It was such a great experience for me and deepened my love for being on television.  This experience showed me that the possibilities are endless and that hard work pays off.  A year ago, I would've never thought that I'd be a guest expert on a talk show.  With continued determination, I know that I will achieve all that I desire.  I encourage you to continue to reach for your dreams and know that they are attainable.  It's not your job to figure out how it'll happen.  You just have to work hard and continue to move forward!  

Take a look at my talk show appearance! 

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Reason. Season. Lifetime. The Circles of Friendship.

Friend. Ami. Amiga. Amicus.  No matter what language you say it in, it all means the same.  Friends are the family members that you get to choose.  No matter what you need or what you're going through, they are always there.  You never think that your friends would betray you or fall out your life, but as I mature and continue to grow in all my relationships, I realize that some were never meant to be there for the entire ride. 

Throughout the years, I've come across a lot of people.  Luckily for me, I've always been quite selective with who I've chosen to let in my life, and more importantly, my inner circle.  I'm a true observer.  Even as a child, I would always remain quite aloof in my dealings with people until I built trust enough to be able to call you my friend.  I'm still that way till this very day and I would advise most people to do that rather than jumping straight in.  You just never know how people will impact your life.


Reason.  I had a friend who I initially was acquantainces with.  For some reason, I had a vested interest in helping her.  I felt like I could be a good role model and help her through a difficult time in her life.  Before I knew it, she was one of my closest friends.  The things that we helped each other through rivaled that of sisters and we didn't take it for granted.  As time progressed, we grew slightly apart.  At first it wasn't that noticable or problematic, but after a slight rift that she refused to address, we were no longer speaking.  I am a person who likes to address issues head on.  She is more passive.  Well, in her pasivity, she chose to ignore the problem and our friendship, all in the same swoop. You can't communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, so we didn't...and haven't.  It bothers me because I cared for her like a sister and made a point to be there for her, but things don't always go the way you think they will.  My frustration caused me to wonder what the point of it all was. What was the reason, we became friends if the friendship would crumble so easily?  I figured that my ultimate purpose in this friendship could have been to help her in the one of the most difficult times of her life.  With that, I moved on.  


Season.  The last year in college was one of the best.  Me and my closests friends created something that was more than a friendship; it was a family.  We literally went to class, ate dinner together, attended functions, etc.  You name it, we did it...together.  One of my friends imparticular completed the lady trifecta that was composed of me, my best friend, and her.  You couldn't see one of us without the other and if you did, we knew where the other was and why he/she wasn't there, lol.  College is one of the best experiences in life but it also is one of the most trying as well.  As you navigate through life and early adulthood, you're bombarded with the realities of life and learn only at the moment, how to best cope. We laughed and cried together and when it was time for us to separate, we closed it out with an emotional circle that I punctuated with us sharing the wishes that we had for one another. Even though we closed out our last night in the same city, never did we think that would close out our friendship.  That, however, is exactly what happened with one of us.  She moved and fell off the face of the earth.  Not one to actively keep in touch, she acted as a child does when they move away...they switch schools and made new friends.  The difference is, we are adults, so continuing a friendship ensues with ease.  Almost all of my close friends, including my best friend, don't live in my city.  We simply take vacations, keep in touch, and continue to be there in times of need...and believe me, there have been many.  We even reached out a long time ago, jokingly bashed her about her absence and extended an olive branch to rekindle our sisterhood.  Till this day, we have heard nothing.  I can't tell you how many conversations we've had about her and how hurt we are about her nonchalance, but you live and you learn.  No matter how ridiculous it is now, when we discuss those memories, we still laugh to the point of tears.  That season, will always remain one of the best and one of the most impactful in my life, but like real seasons, they often change...and bring something else.  


Lifetime.  The past few years have been quite trying in every way imaginable.  The funny thing is, I found that I wasn't the only one going through it.  Like myself, my most treasured friends had life changes of their own.  The beauty of it was that we could all be there for one another.  The happenings in the recent past are things that have altered who we've become, taught us who we want to be, and strengthened the only thing we could depend on, our faith. These are the friendships that lead you further into your life and walk with you throughout it. No matter what changes may occur (marriage, children, career), they are there.  

Life was never meant to be lived alone.  Along with finding your perfect match in a mate, God blesses you with special people in your life to fill your friendship tank.  It may take several wrong turns with the wrong passengers before you get to your destination, but eventually you'll arrive with the right people in tow.  Guard your heart, mind, and words. Take time to build trust.  Most importantly, don't let the negative experiences harden your heart and keep you from the positive things and people that lie in your future.  I'm grateful for my lifetime friends.  Don't forget to be grateful for yours.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Consumed or Obsessed?

Consume: to enjoy avidly; to engage fully. Obsess: to haunt or excessively preoccupy the mind.  The past week or so has magnified what being overly consumed with something does. I have watched friends and family as well as myself, be consumed by certain things and it does more damage than good. We are sometimes taught that to be consumed means to really care, but when does the art of productive consummation turn into dangerous obsession?

My business. Right now, I live in the space of doing whatever it takes to build my brand. As a life coach, motivational speaker, editor and contributing writer for several magazines, along with a slew of other projects, I AM MY BRAND. It will only go as far or be as successful as I am, so I work...HARD. There's never a moment that goes by that I'm not doing something or thinking of the next best thing. I live in the place of intensity because to achieve the goals that I have set for myself, it will take a lot. The only moment I'm not working on something is when I'm asleep, and every so often, my dream will find me in my dreams. In my mind, although I advise other people to know when to take a break, everything is fine. I feel that this is most certainly what I need to be doing. Well...sometimes, it isn't so good. Within the last few weeks, I felt extremely tired all the time. It didn't feel like I could catch up and actually feel rested. My friends and family constantly told me I needed a break, but I replied that for all that I had to do, I couldn't conceptualize what a break was at this point. No matter how I felt, I continued to plug along. Well, the body knows when it's too tired and it will let you know in a way that isn't so fun. I had a day where I wasn't able to focus at all. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn't really get into my work. I lost my voice. Normally when I get really tired, it will break, but this time I could barely speak. As I felt this enormous fatigued-filled weight, I actually chuckled to myself. I heard the voices of my family and friends that told me to simply relax. Now I had no choice. I'm a firm believer in plugging along, but sometimes when you force creativity, it ends up being a big mess, so I finally listened. A simple evening off brought me back to life. The next morning after having not worked till the wee hours, I felt rejuvenated, relaxed, and I had my voice back. That said a lot to me. My consumed spirit is great for success, but even successful people know when to take a break and if you don't, your body will inadvertently do so. My consummation turned into a dangerous obsession in the fact that I couldn't recognize when it was time to pull back, for the benefit of myself and the quality of my work.

Love is one of the greatest examples of being consumed. The butterfly feelings are so inviting and comforting and it's so easy to rest in that place. The harder you love, the more consumed your thoughts become and often, you equate the extreme consummation to loving better.
Coincidentally, a close friend and I found ourselves in the same place recently. With all that we had going on, we still couldn't get that one "love" out of our minds. Our conversations went back and forth between the projects we were working on, to these men in particular. Although when you love someone, your mind tends to rest on them quite often, I felt that in doing that to the extreme, it would unequivocally affect the other important aspects of life. That thought was damning. My friend remained quiet on the other end as she listened to my thoughts and revelation. She had her own as well. She said "sometimes, the person that you allow yourself to be consumed by, remains at a distance in your life at a particular time for a reason. In your desire to have them, you may miss out on who you are to become. Sometime, you have become who you are destined to be before the next step." This stemmed from a quote from the movie The Adjustment Bureau (totally great film you should see by the way). When she said that, I remained quiet. I really didn't know how to respond. Could it be that the person you desire remains at a distance in order for the master plan to be completed in the matter and time frame it should be? Maybe. What we do know if that to be overly consumed with something or someone is to possibly lose out on the present and the present is a "gift."

No matter what, even if it's the most important goal in your world or the love of your life, to be consumed to the point where you neglect other important aspects of your life will not prove to be positive. Learn the difference between working hard and pushing yourself to an unhealthy point. Learn the difference between loving hard and loving to the point of neglecting yourself and other important things. Nothing is ever worth your health or happiness. If you learn to balance, everything will fall into place beautifully.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...