Scary Thoughts.....

What if?  Let’s say this happens?  Worst case scenario?  These are some of the phrases people often use when they consider the outcomes of circumstances that they have no control over.  Instead of focusing on what could be, people tend to lean toward all the things that stand in the way of the happier possibilities.  In a world where you’re taught to expect nothing, but hope for the best, why are we still hoping for less?

This week, one of my clients called me frazzled with a particular situation.  As with any of my clients, I make myself available within sessions for emergency situations and this was just that.  I will not go into detail for obvious ethical reasons, but what I will say is that the majority of our conversation was me offering positive possibilities for every negative one she came up with.  Though the situations she brought up were very possible, she was operating out of fear.  Every negative reason she gave was something that she created based off of an idea of what could possibly be since she wasn’t really sure of what was.  My job and goal was to get her to see the infinite positive possibilities as well as teach her to combat her own negative thinking that was caused my her increased anxiety.  I’m not oblivious to the fact that yes, negative things do occur, but we mustn’t think only in terms of the realization of our fears, but also with the possibility of the positive outcomes.  

Also, this week, one of my family members was having a procedure done.  As we discussed who was taking him to the doctor and the prep for the procedure, he stated “what if they put me to sleep and I don’t wake up?”  Though this is a normal fear, especially for those that have never been under anesthesia,  I wondered why that’s the first thing that comes to mind?  As I did my best to coax him into being calm and thinking of the great health benefits of the procedure, he began to see the glass as half full. 

As happy as I was that I could help veer the views of two people into a positive direction, it got me wondering why we always go to the worst case scenario?  What one must understand is that not only do our fears paralyze and control us, but if we fear them too much, we begin to act based off of the imaginary consequences and situations we’ve created.  My advice: always be prepared for the possibilities of what life may bring, but don’t allow the fears of the unknown and uncontrollable to dictate your thinking. Often times, our lives go in the direction of our most dominant thoughts, so the next time you start thinking about the possibility of the worst, stop yourself, and embrace the euphoric joy of the best!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Balance & Shine....

We jump out of bed and rush to the shower.  From the shower, we pour ourselves into our clothes, grab the quickest and most convenient on-the-go breakfast, and curse traffic hoping it will propel us to our destination more quickly.  If you begin each day with the renewed spirit of entrepreneurship, you raise your disciplined body with your internal itinerary and find that your life's day is navigated by the compass of the happenings of life hopefully sprinkled by the tasks you actually need to accomplish.  In a world where it's common to hear, "there aren't enough hours in the day," how do we find the balance?  More importantly, when our mastery of our time shows it's face in our success, how do we deal with the excessive glamour that may come with it?  

It is no secret that when we look into the lives of the rich and famous, the glamour and glitz are sometimes overshadowed by the negativity that accompanies it.  The lives of these sought after and looked up to celebs bombard our desires on a daily basis.  Whether through the gossip-filled blogs or through water-cooler conversations, the famous are idolized to no end.  From the outside in, you can't see the things they give up, their insecurities, their demons and turmoil, and their lack of balance.  We all do our best to balance, and believe that in the hands of a fabulous personal assistant-extraordinaire, lies the balance that makes your life happen as it should.  What we learn when the truth is exposed is that the balance we so desperately yearn for, they yearn for as well and many lose grasp of it and also the ability to live the lives and enjoy the luxuries they worked so hard for.  

It's no secret that we lost a legend recently.  Whitney Houston left the earth and the saddest part: her legendary lifestyle, achievements, and memory were sullied by the part of her that struggled.  The part that wasn't wrapped up in diamonds and fur.  The part that fell off of the beam of balance, time and time again.  As I look at the endless videos, remembrance films, and interviews with those who knew her, I think of how sad it is that things ended up the way they did.  I know God does things on His own time, but sometimes, you can't help but wonder.   

A close friend of mine and I had a discussion a couple of nights ago about "wanting too much" and our feelings associated with that.  Coincidentally, we always discuss balance which prompted this hodgepodge post.  We both have clearly learned to better balance our lives as we've matured, but we're still learning.  There was a time that I felt that the right balance changed depending on the time and the goal.  Whatever your priority is at the time determines how you balance everything else.  For me, there is an evolution of balance.  It's never the same nor is it ever perfect enough to where one end of the beam isn't tilting closer toward the ground than the other side.  In regard to the idea of wanting too much, it's no secret to anyone who's spoken to me and some of my crew, that we want it all.  We work hard and aspire to do so much.  In my mind, the sky really is the limit!  I desire much knowing that God, himself, places those desires in my heart.  He doesn't place the same wants in everyone which leads me to believe that He knows that I can handle the blessings that he gives me knowing that I will use them to ultimately bless others.  That is, after all, what we're all here for...to be a beacon of light for others.

Don't allow guilt to rob you of the joy and dreams that your desires give you.  You were placed on this earth to do what you're currently doing and achieve what you're working on.  Shine brightly but refuse to let the brightness of the glamour steal your God-given light and balance.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement.....

Onward & Upward....

Life is all about change.  If you dare disagree, you’re in complete denial.  Whether you’re accepting of that change or desperately fighting against it, it happens.  Though everyone describes it as an earth-shattering experience, it can be a very scary process.  To leave what you know, even if you desire something else, takes you out of your comfort zone.  Being uncomfortable causes you to begin to reach up and pick out the worst of scenarios and frighten yourself even more.   In the end, however, it is more than worth it.

For a long time now, I’ve found myself at a crossroads.  I was in a place that I desperately abhorred, but didn’t see an easy way out of.  Though at times my entire being wanted to just get up and run, my sensible self told me that, that wouldn’t be the best idea.  Running would simply add to whatever I was running from, not eliminate it.  With the understanding of that, I decided to stay.  At the beginning of this year, I thought to myself “how awesome would it be if I could leave this place and embark on something new that was intertwined with my passions.”  I decided that the best thing I could do was continue to work hard and pray.  I did just that.  I was careful to request my desires specifically and made sure to keep believing.  One things for sure, if you don’t truly believe in your dreams and desires, no matter how hard you work, you will never attain them...and that’s simply because you don’t truly believe you can.  As days passed by, I didn’t allow myself to waiver or be saddened by the circumstance.  I kept pushing on.  Finally, one recent afternoon, I decided to do an exercise that I often do with some of my life coaching clients.  I decided to write a letter about the situation as if it had ALREADY been taken care of.  This letter was the viewpoint of being on the other side.  I even re-wrote it twice to make sure it was perfect and slipped it into a book.  That, my friends, is one form of an exercise of putting your desires into the atmosphere.  You can see it and it becomes more real.  Well, God definitely heard me because a short 45 minutes later, things completely changed in my life.  The very thing that I wrote about on that piece of paper happened!  I was so excited!  My heart beamed with thanksgiving.  Later that day, a part of me, although happy, naturally began to think of all the negative “what-ifs” in my new situation, but I didn’t allow them in my spirit long enough to even consider planting a seed.  I knew, without a doubt, that because of the way things happened, my steps were being ordered and I was that much closer to my destiny.  

Today, I encourage you to step out on faith and embrace the changes.  There will always be change.  That is what life is.  You may not always understand the purpose of the juncture, but trust that it will take you to your destination.  Be lead by your belief in the one that orchestrates the changes, and not crippled by the uneasy angst that tries to steal your peace.  Know that you are meant to achieve all you desire as your wonderful change moves you onward and upward! 

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Patiently Waiting....

Quick, steady perservearance.  Even-tempered care.  An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.  The bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. All of these define one of the most difficult virtues we struggle with....patience.  From the moment, you could understand, the art of being patient was explained; whether through your mother, a friend, quotes, or even the Bible, there are a number of things that point to need of being patient.  In a world where we know that time always wins, why is it so hard to wait?

At this point, if you've been following me, you know that I aspire to do many things.  I write for a couple magazines, am a creative editor for a couple more, was recently featured on a talk show (POV Talkshow ft. Stephanie Benoit), am working on my website, and am working on motivational speaking.  I'm believing God that it is just the beginning.  Although, I wanted things to get moving for so long, when I looked back at who I was a few years ago, nothing would have worked at that time.  The person that I was then had not gone through as many vital learning experiences as I have now.  One night, as I was laying in bed, something clicked.  I reliazed that the person who I was then could never successfully be the person who I am now.  My passsion is to help people through empowerment and motivation.  The struggles that I went through positioned me to soften my heart and increase my empathy.  It caused me to understand the struggle, rather than just talk about it.  It caused me to change my ways in a way that was only fitting for the torch that I would carry.  To really be successful in my chosen path, especially to the degree that I want, I have to become the very change and evolution that I desire to help others with.  Years ago, if I would have taken this career path, I would've inevitably failed.  I wasn't ready, but now, I'm walking in my purpose on purpose.  I can handle this walk now because I  began my journey at the right TIME.

Relationships....there are a billion ways to discuss this one topic.  So many variables go into meeting and being with the love of your life.  Love, true love can be dangerously consuming.  Sometimes, without you knowing, that desire for someone can hinder the person you're supposed to become.  The issue is not whether you two are made for each other.  The issue is the growth that fails to occur, because of it. Everyone (along with myself included) has been in love.  You know, the love that silently crushes you when you ponder the possibility of no longer being with them. You envelope yourself in thoughts of them and whether you realize it or not, that relationship may be the hiccup to your next step in life.  At the moment that the relationship ends, you are devastated; broken even.  You wrestle with thoughts of why that person even entered your life if they weren't there to stay for good.  What you can't see is that it's not the right TIME.  You must grow separately to be able to grow together into something that will be everlasting.  It just may not be that you're not meant to be with that person.  It just may be that it's not the right time and if God has it so, that he or she is who you belong with, then it will be...at the right time...with a little PATIENCE. 

It's a tough thing to wait, but it's worth it.  Great things don't come easily and without work and patience.  Don't be discouraged by the things you don't acquire on your own time.  If a mother decides to have her baby at 6 months instead of 9 and the baby doesn't make it, does it mean she wasn't meant to mother this beautiful life?  No, it means that at 6 months wasn't the right time.  As a baby grows and develops, it's gathers nutrients and stretches for the survival of a lifetime.  The same goes for us.  That wait time is utero.  We are growing and stretching to be able to sustain the blessings we are given. 

As 2011 comes to a close, and 2012 shines brightly on all your desires, remember to exercise a little patience.  All great things come in due TIME. 

Happy New Year everyone! :)

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Watch Your Back....

Gossip. Slandering reputations. Name calling. Judgement. Nope...I'm not discussing the latest episode of your favorite soap opera.  Those are some of those words that embodied my week.  Worse off, those words were tossed around about me.  Go ahead and gasp...because that's exactly what I did. Oblivious to the thoughts of a particular person, I was taken a-back, but the way I bounced back let me know I've the strongest that I've ever been and my personal growth is as apparent as the sunlight.

Lately, I been privied to information about things that were being said about me by a particular individual.  Not one for throwing anyone under the bus, I decided to keep my mouth shut and be more aware of this miserable person.  I kept thinking to myself "if I could just hear her myself, I'd be able to address it without involving anyone else."  Well, God had it so that he set up a situation where I had to go look for something in a place that I usually never go into.  As I was rifling through papers, the individual walked into an office and proceeded to speak of every aspect of me from the way I did certain things, to the way I look, to my door being shut, to the clothes that I wear, to the heels that I click down the hallway in.  As I stood there aghast, I contemplated walking into the room and exercising my less "demure" side, but I soon realized that, that is probably what she'd want me to do, and it would also make me look bad and unprofessional.  

As I went throughout my day, I was so upset that I physically became warm and snapped at innocent bystanders all around.  The most upsetting part was the fact that I truly never spoke ill of her.  Why do some people feel the need to bring others down for no particular reason?  What is it that is so unhappy inside that leads one to feel that the only way to evoke some happiness is to belittle others?  At that moment, when I realized that it was more of a deficiency in her than anything that truly had to do with me, I felt sorry for her.  

As sorry as I felt, I wasn't about to let it go unnoticed, so I set some things into motion that allowed her to know that her behavior wasn't okay and I wasn't going to accept it.  People can only do the things that you allow, so I made a point to have the situation addressed and hopefully, for her own sake, she got the message.  After I did that, I decided to release it.  Holding on to anger and frustration, only holds you down.  

For a few days, I felt like I had to "watch my back" because when you are betrayed, your guards come up and your trust goes all the way down, but as the situation played out, it taught me a valuable lesson.  When you're being genuine and true, you don't have to watch your back because God will watch it for you.  Things will work out in a way that has the situation take care of itself and more fluidly than you ever could.  The struggle may be uneasy, but I always advice others and try to live by this quote: Don't get caught up in the struggle; get caught in the lesson.  Lesson Learned. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

The Waiting Game

"Great things are going to happen."  "Just wait, and you'll see your amazing future unfold before your very eyes."  "Keep on working and everything will pay off."  No matter how many times you're told this, and how strongly you believe it, you sometimes can't help but have moments of frustration and scream out "wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?!"  Even with the most positive and optimistic of attitudes, you run into moments of frustration that have you question the very things that you're waiting and believing for.  If you're anything like me (super analytical), your mind runs wild with made-up anecdotes that do nothing but push you into a deeper place of frustration.  How do you get out?  So often, people will say to continue to just believe, but sometimes that isn't enough.  Sometimes you need to be responsible for re-energizing your own self rather than relying on other things and people to do it for you.  Next time you're down in the dumps, try these 'sure-fire' ways to get your faith-driven blood pumping.

1. Revamp Your Goal List: Remember when you listed everything you wanted to accomplish?  As you were making that list, you couldn't help but be filled the hope of endless possibilities.  As you make that list, you truly believe that all the things you're putting down are possible and wonderful energy comes from you envisioning that it's already done.  When we get into a slump or become impatient, we are so far-removed from those "feel good" emotions.  Re-do the list.  Celebrate the things that you can cross off the old list and find solace in the renewed spirit that washes over you as you add new and wonderful things to accomplish.

2. Time Out: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is absolutely nothing.  Take a break.  Even the most successful people know when to relax, and if you don't, life will find a way to put you in your very own time-out.  When you get into the rhythm of doing things, sometimes you fall away from the passion and fall into a routine.  Before you know it, you aren't progressing as much or things don't appear to be as fulfilling.  You might find yourself at place that feels more like a plateau than an upward climb.  This is the breeding ground for frustration.  In those moments, take the time to just "be."  Get lost in your good thoughts.  Do something that simply makes you happy and is purely recreational.  You are not a machine, so you can't operate successfully for long as one.  You may think that this time-out is a waste of time, but it actually will re-energize you and help put you in a better frame of mind. 

3. A Picture Says a Thousand Words: I've advised this before, but it works so well, I'll advise it again: create a visual aestethic that will remind you of the things you want.  Whether it be success, love, health, etc, seeing is believing.  Create a vision board or book.  If you're not the most creative, cut/rip out pictures and tape them up.  A lot of people run from this idea because they're not creative, but this project is for you, not to be put on display.  You can simply tape the photos to your bathroom mirror or your wall.  Just make sure that it's placed in a location that you see often.  By doing this, you will be reaffirming the positive things to come and it will help you through the tougher times. 

4. Talk about it: It's so easy to bury your feelings and just wish them away, but sometimes, simply venting can help eliminate them.  In verbalizing things out loud, you often get the chance to hear and see them in a new way.  Whoever you choose to speak to whether it be a family member, friend, or life coach, you open the door to receiving advice on ways to fix whatever issue you're going through.  Even better, the optimistic attitude and words of the person listening may give you hope and increase the chance of you resolving your problem.  

In life, we must wait and there's no way around that, but we do have the power to change the experience of the waiting game.  Whether it's for success, goals, or love, the wait time of the journey serves as preparation for the destination.    

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Guest Life Coach Expert Stephanie Benoit: "Point of View" Talk Show

A couple of months ago, I was given the opportunity to be featured as a guest on the Point of View talk show on the Afrotainment channel.  The topic was "The Power of a Praying Woman."  It was such a great experience for me and deepened my love for being on television.  This experience showed me that the possibilities are endless and that hard work pays off.  A year ago, I would've never thought that I'd be a guest expert on a talk show.  With continued determination, I know that I will achieve all that I desire.  I encourage you to continue to reach for your dreams and know that they are attainable.  It's not your job to figure out how it'll happen.  You just have to work hard and continue to move forward!  

Take a look at my talk show appearance! 

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Reason. Season. Lifetime. The Circles of Friendship.

Friend. Ami. Amiga. Amicus.  No matter what language you say it in, it all means the same.  Friends are the family members that you get to choose.  No matter what you need or what you're going through, they are always there.  You never think that your friends would betray you or fall out your life, but as I mature and continue to grow in all my relationships, I realize that some were never meant to be there for the entire ride. 

Throughout the years, I've come across a lot of people.  Luckily for me, I've always been quite selective with who I've chosen to let in my life, and more importantly, my inner circle.  I'm a true observer.  Even as a child, I would always remain quite aloof in my dealings with people until I built trust enough to be able to call you my friend.  I'm still that way till this very day and I would advise most people to do that rather than jumping straight in.  You just never know how people will impact your life.


Reason.  I had a friend who I initially was acquantainces with.  For some reason, I had a vested interest in helping her.  I felt like I could be a good role model and help her through a difficult time in her life.  Before I knew it, she was one of my closest friends.  The things that we helped each other through rivaled that of sisters and we didn't take it for granted.  As time progressed, we grew slightly apart.  At first it wasn't that noticable or problematic, but after a slight rift that she refused to address, we were no longer speaking.  I am a person who likes to address issues head on.  She is more passive.  Well, in her pasivity, she chose to ignore the problem and our friendship, all in the same swoop. You can't communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, so we didn't...and haven't.  It bothers me because I cared for her like a sister and made a point to be there for her, but things don't always go the way you think they will.  My frustration caused me to wonder what the point of it all was. What was the reason, we became friends if the friendship would crumble so easily?  I figured that my ultimate purpose in this friendship could have been to help her in the one of the most difficult times of her life.  With that, I moved on.  


Season.  The last year in college was one of the best.  Me and my closests friends created something that was more than a friendship; it was a family.  We literally went to class, ate dinner together, attended functions, etc.  You name it, we did it...together.  One of my friends imparticular completed the lady trifecta that was composed of me, my best friend, and her.  You couldn't see one of us without the other and if you did, we knew where the other was and why he/she wasn't there, lol.  College is one of the best experiences in life but it also is one of the most trying as well.  As you navigate through life and early adulthood, you're bombarded with the realities of life and learn only at the moment, how to best cope. We laughed and cried together and when it was time for us to separate, we closed it out with an emotional circle that I punctuated with us sharing the wishes that we had for one another. Even though we closed out our last night in the same city, never did we think that would close out our friendship.  That, however, is exactly what happened with one of us.  She moved and fell off the face of the earth.  Not one to actively keep in touch, she acted as a child does when they move away...they switch schools and made new friends.  The difference is, we are adults, so continuing a friendship ensues with ease.  Almost all of my close friends, including my best friend, don't live in my city.  We simply take vacations, keep in touch, and continue to be there in times of need...and believe me, there have been many.  We even reached out a long time ago, jokingly bashed her about her absence and extended an olive branch to rekindle our sisterhood.  Till this day, we have heard nothing.  I can't tell you how many conversations we've had about her and how hurt we are about her nonchalance, but you live and you learn.  No matter how ridiculous it is now, when we discuss those memories, we still laugh to the point of tears.  That season, will always remain one of the best and one of the most impactful in my life, but like real seasons, they often change...and bring something else.  


Lifetime.  The past few years have been quite trying in every way imaginable.  The funny thing is, I found that I wasn't the only one going through it.  Like myself, my most treasured friends had life changes of their own.  The beauty of it was that we could all be there for one another.  The happenings in the recent past are things that have altered who we've become, taught us who we want to be, and strengthened the only thing we could depend on, our faith. These are the friendships that lead you further into your life and walk with you throughout it. No matter what changes may occur (marriage, children, career), they are there.  

Life was never meant to be lived alone.  Along with finding your perfect match in a mate, God blesses you with special people in your life to fill your friendship tank.  It may take several wrong turns with the wrong passengers before you get to your destination, but eventually you'll arrive with the right people in tow.  Guard your heart, mind, and words. Take time to build trust.  Most importantly, don't let the negative experiences harden your heart and keep you from the positive things and people that lie in your future.  I'm grateful for my lifetime friends.  Don't forget to be grateful for yours.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Letting Go...

“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” Many a times, this quote is used in love. It narrates the anguish that comes from letting someone that you love with your entire being go. Though it may not feel good, it’s something that has to be done…and so you do. If that released love finds a way to re-ignite itself and find its way back to you, then you were meant to have it. As I lay in bed and pondered this saying, I began to realize that there was more to it than I thought.

It may be easiest to apply this quote in love, but it applies with everything. My sister got married a number of years ago. She was happy, energized by love, and a new mother. That little life that she and her husband brought into the world breathed joy into their spirits on a daily basis. Though he was ill since he was a child, their love and their child gave them the strength to move on and fight everyday battles…together. Never did she think that she would be a widow one year later. Her husband died suddenly and there she was…alone. I watched my sister become a former shell of herself as she went through the motions of planning her husband’s funeral. I watched the tears flow from her eyes and heard her silent cries. I watched the weight of life weigh her down as she thanked everyone for their help and condolences. I watched her connect to the only source of life she felt like she had to live for…my niece Kookie. As cliché as it sounds, time and only time, heals all things and eventually, with the everlasting piece of God, she began to live again. Though she will never let the memory of her husband go, she did let certain things go. She let the guilt surpass and the “what ifs” settle down. In order to live the best life for her child, she had to let the negative emotions go. Because she let go, she was able to find a new love. A new love that provided her an even newer more fulfilling thing to love….my niece Isabella. As she gazes upon her kids laughing and playing with each other, I often watch her only imagining the pure and everlasting love she feels for them. All of this is because she LET GO.
 For so long, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but got in my own way. I harbored such made-up ridiculousness that you would’ve thought I was a writer for an action packed dramatic film, lol. For every single thing that I decided to do, I created its negative counterpart as to why it wouldn’t or couldn’t work. I believe everyone hits a wall. This wall is the place that you finally run into that snaps you into a reality that has you thirsty for immediate personal action. No longer do you care about the reasons you’ve conjured up. All you know is that you need to act NOW. My breakthroughs have all come because I LET GO. In letting go, all these wonderful things have found their way back to me or are new to me. In the areas of love, entrepreneurship, success, my relationship with God, etc, all my stocks are up . It took me being obedient and LETTING GO.

I want to encourage you to truly let go of some things. Whether it comes back to you in the form of the insanely familiar or in the wave of something fresh and new, it will come back if it belongs to you.

 
Until next time...keep the forward movement....

You're not lucky....You're PREPARED.

Luck.  Dictionary.com defines it as good fortune; advantage or success, considered as the result of chance. I started thinking about how often we rely on this so-called "luck."  The more I thought about it, the more I questioned it. How much do our accomplishments, desires, and daily happenings occur because of luck rather than preparation?

 

About a year and a half ago, I entered a constest.  I wanted to sharpen my public speaking skills, so I dove head first into my essay and video entry.  I wrote, proofed, and re-wrote my essay several times.  I filmed over a dozen entry videos and finally settled on one (that I still think is pretty awful, lol) and sent it in.  I made it past the first round, and answered a slew of additional questions from the judges.  A couple of weeks later, I was met with the awesome and quite surprising news that I won!  I received quite a few congratulatory messages including the phrase "you're so lucky!"  At the time, I didn't think much of it at all, but looking back now, I know that luck never had anything to do with it.  

A good friend of mine always wanted to attend law school.  Amongst other things, one of her main passions was law.  Well, life didn't necessarily go the way she planned.  Battling frustration and sadness, she made the conscious effort to push through the obstacles and keep working.  She studied, researched schools, sought out financial support, networked, prayed, and stayed focused.  She lined everything up and did all she could possibly do until there was nothing left to do but WAIT.  One day, she called me to to share her great news that she had been accepted into law school!  A couple of weeks ago, she completed her first year!  I know that so many people think that she's so lucky to be given the very thing that she's been hoping and praying for, but I think it's the furthest thing from luck.

I personally don't believe in luck.  I believe in full preparation meeting the perfect time and the sparks that ensue when those two things combine.  Things just don't happen out of nowhere.  You have to put forth effort and align your thoughts and actions all while waiting for the perfect time.   Oprah wrapped it up in one great sentence during her episode of Master's Class: "luck is preparation meeting the moment of opportunity".  She explains it perfectly below:

Above all else, God will align everything in your life and catapult you to where you need to be.  There's always a bigger hand at work.  Your job is to work and stay ready.  Your perfect moment will marry opportunity at the perfect time.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

What are you REALLY saying?

If someone were to ask you what you would do to fulfill your dreams, you'd most likely answer "whatever it takes." When you realize your true passion and you have that fire burning deep down inside of you, you'll do anything you can to make them come true...or so you say.  Whether we realize it or not, we get caught up in the hum-drum routines of our days that create our habits.  You may say that you do one thing, but naturally do another.  What are your consistant actions really saying?

I'm a people pleaser....to a certain extent.  No matter what I'm doing, I always take the time to help someone else with whatever they need.  Whether I'm awake, asleep, busy, or in the midst of my own crisis, I will put it aside and pick up whatever you have going on.  Within the last year and half, I found myself wondering why it is that I can complete other people's tasks so quickly.  I felt that at the time, it took me too long to complete my own.   I sat down and started thinking about why this was.  What I came up with gave me an "aha moment."  I realized that even though I was helping people, I was inadvertently doing a disservice to myself.  My mind said that what I do and want to do is important, but my actions were saying that everyone else's tasks and issues were more important than my own.  The moment I realized that, I ceased my way of doing things.  Nowadays, unless it's an emergency, I will complete my own things first, and then go from there.  It may seem mean to some, but to my future, it's saying you're more important than anyone else.  Not tossing your own tasks aside unites the message that your head and your actions are giving. 

Another thing that people do that I notice that I was guily of as well is this: being too tired to work on their passion.  In the past, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but claimed that I couldn't because I worked all day and the evening didn't provide enough time and energy for me to complete a project.  Before you know it, days turn into weeks, weeks turns into months, and months turn into years.  You hold on to the same excuses and hold on to the same life.  The message in your mind remains the same however: My future and goals are important to me.  The message in your actions however are silently screaming something else:  My future and goals aren't important enough for me to make the sacrifice to achieve them.   Even though you feel differently, your actions aren't aligned with what you're saying and until that happens you won't achieve your goals.  


You must be clear about what you're saying and the message you're projecting.  Saying one thing but doing another will ultimately cause you to fail in what you want to achieve.  If you need to put some people and tasks on hold and prioritize your own goals, then you're going to have to do that no matter what the repurcussions.  If you have to go to work, drink a red bull, clock in at that second shift (working on your passion), and burn the midnight oil, then so be it!  The sacrifice will be worth it in the end and your message will be speaking loud and clear:  My aspirations of worth everything to me and I will work hard until I reach them!


Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Some of Life's Lessons from Oprah and I....

Last weekend, I was able to watch part 2 of Oprah's Masters Class and the lessons she shared were invaluable. Sometimes, I find that the best lessons learned are when you're least expecting it. As I watched, I couldn't help but take notes to revel in the quotes that were speaking to my spirit.  Here are some of Oprah's quotes partnered with my explanations. 

• All of life is about growing to your own personal best- For me, this screams "do you!"  Life isn't about becoming as good as or better than someone else.  It's about evolving into a better you.  True growth and success happens when you surpass yourself.
• Grow to greatness.  Your "whisper" to move on comes when you stop growing and changing.  Life is about growth and change- I believe that this is one of the best quotes out there.  No one wants to (or should want to) grow into a place that isn't positive.  That whisper that Oprah mentions is that internal nudge that lets you know that your time in your present place is up.  It's when you realize that you're done with where you are and have more to offer where you'll be.  Those whispers, turn into nudges and screams, and where you are in the future, depends on if you listen to the whispers...and move.
• Anybody pretending to be anybody other than who they really are, will never be successful- No matter how many people you fool, you can never fool God and yourself.  The truth always comes to light and the truth of your nature will come to the surface.  Be true to who you are and everything will fall into place.
• The moment you surrender...the moment things happen.  LET GO.- During the episode, Oprah explained the moment that she let go of the idea of being in The Color Purple and how pivotal that moment was in her life.  I think that's so important.  I have exercised truly letting go myself, and have realized that when it's done of nothing but truth and sincerity, things always fall into place.  You must GENUINELY surrender and give control to God. Only then, will things truly happen. 
• Your intention rules your life and determines the outcome.  "To whom much is given, much is required." (Luke 12:48)- You may not know every verse in the BIBLE, but you have probably heard this one several times.  It speaks nothing but the truth.  Often times, people assume that when they reach a certain point in life or have a certain amount of money, everything will be perfect.  The truth is, the more money and success (in any form) that you have, the more that people, life, and God will expect from you.  Understand and accept that and you will be given more.
• Don't waste your time looking back at the other guy to see where they are in the race.- You waste time when you look back, but it's an even bigger waste of time to look back just to gauge where somebody else is in the race.  Focus on your goals and your path.  Where they may appear to be, may not be where you need to be.  It may be the same race and same goal, but the personal journey matters the most.
• You become what you believe- This is simple.  What you believe, is what exists for you.  If you believe you are destined for greatness, you are.  If you believe you won't succeed, you won't.  Your thoughts dictate your actions and your life. 
• You are not alone in your experiences- Although you may feel alone in the darkest of places, remember that there are others who share similar, if not worse experiences.  Find solace in knowing that it's a part of your story, and you'll get through it like so many others have.
• We are all teachers- I've always said that I never wanted to be a teacher.  Even though I'm not a teacher in the formal sense, I find that in being a life coach, a counselor, an author, and a speaker, I teach all the time!  Every conversation, every article I write, every session, is an opportunity to teach.  If you think about it, you will realize that you probably teach as well.
• Stay true to your calling- Do the things that you want to do.  Fulfill your passions and desires.  Don't follow the dreams and rules that others have set for you.  Stay true to yourself.
• Everything you put out, comes back- God. Karma.  What goes around, comes around.  Whichever way you put it, it all means the same.  Do things with good and genuine intent, and that's what you'll get in return.  The same truth holds for the opposite.
• "When your personality comes to serve the energy of your soul, you have authentic power."- Gary Zukav- Oprah quoted this from Gary Zukav's book "Sea to the Soul" and is on my list of must-reads.  Beautiful quote! 
• God can dream a bigger dream for you then you can dream for yourself.- This is the most important quote.  I'm a firm believer in God and what He can do.  He doesn't limit anything for us and we shouldn't limit ourselves in our thoughts.  Whatever you desire to do...YOU CAN.  Just keep working hard, trust, and BELIEVE!  

This week, I encourage you to put these quotes up or find some that inspire you.  Life may be hard at times, but keep pushing!  Use these quotes, kinds words, and verses, to keep you motivated.  Always remember it's only a matter of time: God rewards diligence and faith.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

I Wouldn't Change a Thing....Would You?

How many times have you heard the phrases “it’s all a part of your journey” or “struggle makes you stronger?” I can remember being told and also uttering these sayings to others. They sound inspiring and hold a great truth, but when asked if you’d really want to endure these struggles, most people would prefer the opposite. When you think of where you came from, where you are now, and where you’re lead to go, could you honestly say “I wouldn’t change a thing” or do you wish you could’ve fast forwarded to the “good part?”

This past Sunday, I watched Oprah Winfrey presents “Master Class.” On this show, she features entertainers, entrepreneurs, authors, philanthropists, etc. and has them share their stories in a new and eloquent way. She provides a platform for the people featured to be naked in their words, stories, and truths. Thankfully, that evening, I fell upon the episode where Oprah herself, was featured. I immediately knew that for the next hour, all phone calls would cease, all side conversations would end, and I’d immerse myself in everything that I could receive from her story. You see, I’m one of those people who doesn’t just take things at face value. I don’t do that with every single thing but I believe that there are some things that you must dig deeper into in order to receive the message and learn the lesson. As I watched Oprah share her story, I was in awe. Though I knew some of it, there was more that I didn’t know and never had I heard it in one long sitting. The entirety of it all saddened me in one moment and gave me chills in another. As she discussed her strained and dysfunctional relationship with her parents, her rape at 9 years old, her molestation that occurred over a number of years, and her pregnancy that ended unsuccessfully, my heart went out to the child in her who had to endure such heinous things. No matter how successful you become, it doesn’t eliminate the crimes of your youth. As she moved through her story with grace and fluidity, she came to a point where she began to sing a hymn. Now for the life of me, I can’t remember what the name of it was, but the message of the song was loud and clear: she wouldn’t change a thing. That hit me like a ton of bricks. As she sang that song, she smiled and hummed and subsequently embraced her past. Most of us seeing, hearing, and possibly living some of the most undesirable things, would have them erased if we could, but there she was, singing this hymn, that basically said that she would not take one experience away. I was in awe, but as quickly as it shocked me, is as quickly as I understood. Those past experiences created who she was today. Oprah shared that had she not gone through those things, she wouldn’t be as sympathetic, understanding, caring and empathetic as she is today. Her desire to touch people’s lives came from the very depths of those ugly moments in her life. Had it not been for then, there wouldn’t be “The Oprah Winfrey” now.

This really got me thinking of my own experiences. There have been so many in the past 5 years where I’ve looked up and said “really God? Why me?” There were periods of darkness that threatened to overshadow and take me out (I’ll save that for another post). Though my journey is far from over, when I look back to where I’ve come from, though I never imagined I could say it: I wouldn’t change a thing. I shock myself to say it, but it’s the truth. The things that I’ve faced and the situations I’ve had to endure were designed to break me down, mold me up, strengthen my spirit, and force to me to let go and let God. The past journeys are a set-up for the upcoming ones. Just because you experience turmoil in the past doesn’t mean you won’t experience it in the future. It means that you’ll be better prepared and will be able to handle it more effectively. Think about your very first school test. You were nervous, studied for a ridiculous amount of time, and probably couldn’t sleep. As you were taking it, you second and third guessed yourself, and skimmed over the test 100 times. After you passed your test (with flying colors I might add, lol), you breathed a sigh of relief. Now every test that followed it became a little easier…even though it was HARDER. Why was it easier? Because your previous experience had PREPARED you for what was to come. When you’re in that place, you realize that though the past wasn’t easy, you wouldn’t change a thing because it was created to make you who you will ultimately become.

This week, I encourage you to move through your journey. It may not always be easy, but your sweat, your tears, your anger, your frustration, your hardships, your journey, are unquestionably worth it.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Stop...Look back...and Smell the Roses....

Have you ever stopped to smell the roses? ...or even acknowledged that they exist? For those who don't know, this famous phrase refers to taking the time to stop, reflect, and appreciate what is...whatever that may be. So many people work toward a goal, or work on themselves, and rarely do they take the moment to breathe in the success that they've achieved or turn around to see how far they have come. Why is it that we work so hard, but find it so difficult to acknowledge the fruits of our labor?

For over a year, I've been working out consistently. Growing up, I played every sport imaginable and was always in great shape. Over the years, I stopped playing all those sports and began to get comfortable. I decided that I needed to get back out there, become active again, and develop some life long healthy habits. Initially I started working out just to do it, but after my body started to reap the beautiful benefits, I developed goals. Week after week, month and month, I easily surpassed my old goals and replaced them fresher, more difficult ones. I'll admit it...I've always been a little obsessive when it came to my body type. It's just always been one of those things that I've constantly created newer goals for and was never satisfied with. Even with the obvious physical changes that I've made, never have I once took the time to turn around and applaud myself for my hard work, consistency, and discipline...until it was pushed in my face. Earlier this week, a friend of mine tagged me in an old picture from her sister's wedding from a year and a half ago. I was in shock as I gazed at my old self in the picture. I thought "who was this woman looking back at me?" I was obviously larger and when I really thought about it, I didn't even realize I looked that way at that moment in time. As I looked at the picture, I lifted my eyes to the reflection in the mirror of my current self. "Wow", I thought. I've really changed. I look healthier and shapelier. All those times that I overcame being tired, annoyed, and just flat out not feeling like it, paid off. For the first time, I stopped and commended myself for the obvious progress I've made. Within that moment, I decided to soak up every drop of content that I felt about where I am and where I came from.

No doubt about it, the last few weeks have been surprisingly trying. I say surprising because it's not as if I haven't had difficult times before, however, this time, the difficulty has affected me in a different way. Being whisked away from the path you are on and being pulled further away from where you want to go, presents a dilemma that begs you to rise above the occasion. Sometimes, however, the stress of that can take a toll. For some reason (God), I find myself careless laughing and proclaiming all great things. I find myself able to see that when things are shaken up in this way, it's all in preparation to get you on top of your game for the next phase in life. I think what made me feel so eerie in this "calm" is the fact that in other times of struggle and frustration, I wasn't this "cool". At an earlier point in life, I would have been exhibiting my frustration through cursing and long lasting anger. I would've allowed myself to stay in a mental space that would've watered the seeds of disdain and negativity. Today, however...with the mental strength and composure that I possess, I acknowledge the positive first, dance in the rain, and anticipate the sun knowing that everything will work out for the greater good. As I thought about this, there presented another opportunity for me to turn around, stop, and pat myself on the back. I have GROWN. I've developed myself into a woman who will take life by horns and enjoy the ride...bumps and all. I'm completely aware that life isn't perfect and am still human, so it's not always sunshine and roses, but your dominant outlook is most important...and mine has changed for the better.

In this life, I encourage you to not only work hard, but to acknowledge your hard work. Not only will it show you how far you've come, it will give you the ammunition to shoot yourself forward!