Fearless Tips- Have it all (in love) without losing yourself!!!

With “Think Like A Man” being a number one box office hit, it has many people talking.  The phenomenon began with Steve Harvey’s book and have taken the world by storm once again with it’s recent film release.  After reading the book, many women took every word to heart and coincidentally, the film highlighted some of that behavior.  In the end, the movie showed that being true to yourself and your desires is what counts---not playing games.  Here’s a few tips on how to have it all without losing yourself.

Friends First- People really underestimate the importance of a friendship in a relationship.   It’s unfortunate that many find that though they may love their significant other, they really don’t like them.  Ouch!  Without all the romantic intricacies involved, you should still be able to enjoy him just the same.  Good communication, understanding, and genuine caring is lasting.  When getting to know a new possible Mr. Right, take it slow and build on a friendship.  

Ask Questions...Don’t Investigate- Let’s be real ladies, sometimes our desire to find out if we should invest our time or not comes off a bit, eh...scary.  Yes, there are important questions that need to be asked, but you will find that your approach can determine the answer.  Rather than make a man feel like he’s on trial, initiate a smooth conversation about life in general.  Set the tone for comfortability without judgement and you will find that he will not only answer some general questions, but will provide you with answers to questions you didn’t even ask!

To Thine Own Self Be True- You know who you are at your core.  You know what you desire, what you’re willing to be flexible with, and what’s on your “non-negotiable” list.  Don’t change it!  There’s compromise and then there’s losing yourself hoping to get a man---NOT a good idea!  Never dismiss your values, beliefs, and what’s truly important.  The right man, who is worth it and who recognizes your worth, will be willing to do what it takes to gain your trust and love when the time is right!  

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Who Runs the World?

Girls! This is by far one of my favorite Beyonce songs.  The upbeat rhythm coupled with the powerful words, coerces even the most timid of souls to jump up and rock to the beat.  The top female entertainer of this generation always gives us music to dance to and heart wrenching ballads to belt out.  Love her or hate her, you can't deny her talent and the way she motivates others.  Throughout her music and career in general, she continues to propel this one message:  FEMALE EMPOWERMENT....and I love it. 

In a world where women are pitted against each other, it's refreshing to have many musical reminders that we should support one another, rather than plot and scheme to bring others down.  Since the beginning of time, women were bred to 'one-up' one another and do whatever it takes to be the 'queen-bee'.  Whether it's through rigging a contest so that you win by embarrassing another female, or going as low as taking her man (karma), our world celebrates the demise of the essence of sisterhood.  The very strength that we could use to build each other up is the very one we use to hold each other down.  I'm not speaking to every woman, but if we're honest with ourselves, you can name several off the top of your head who is exactly what this blog entry is talking about.

When I was in college, I joined a modeling organization.   The business of modeling can be very cut-throat, but we were a family that all had the same purpose.  Our main goal aside from our semester shows was service and we frequently gave our time to different organizations.  As I spent time with my new family, I grew close to several people and we truly became inseparable.  One of my close friends had a friend (we'll call her Stacy), who I spoke to and was cordial to, but was never really friends with.  I didn't have any ill-will toward her and thought she was a nice girl, but never really divulged my personal business to.  Well, months later, I heard that a certain woman (obviously Stacy) was spreading rumors about me and a young man I was dating.  The rumor was along the lines of him only dating me because of my looks and not really caring about me, etc.  The rumor was a little less diplomatic than I just stated, but I'm sure you get the drift. 

Initially I was mad.  Then I became hurt.  After some thought and some venting with friends, I decided to let it go.  What initially bothered me about it was the fact that I had never said or even thought anything negative about this young woman, but here she was talking about me.  I chalked it up to several things: low self-esteem, an obvious lack of happiness somewhere, and the virus that a lot of women unfortunately have that causes them to hate other women unnecessarily. 

That's just one personal example, but I have many more and I'm sure if we had a microphone and asked other women to share their experiences, the line would wrap around the world.  It's so sad that women in general roll their eyes at each other, whisper behind each other's backs, and deliberately sabotage one another.  If you don't like someone, actually have a legetimate reason/situation that causes you to feel that way.  That is more understandable, but hating for no reason, is so sad and a direct reflection of the sadness and inferiority that lies within you.  I for one, practice the rule of upliftment.  There's enough room at the top for us all as we will never serve the very same purpose.  In empowering others genuinely, you truly uplift yourself. 

Ladies...SISTERHOOD IS THE NEW BLACK. We can do so much more together than we can apart.  If you find yourself to be one of these women that "hate", work on your own issues.  Heal your own wounds and be an example not only for future generations, but for the existing generations of women.  Live. Laugh. Love. EMPOWER. 



Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Valentine Wrap-Up

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone.  This one imparticular wasn't that spectacular for me and I let it affect me.  I was upset during the day, but even more upset the day after.  I asked myself in my mind why I, and tons of other people, let it affect them as well.  Literally, you're fine the day before and the day after, but there's something about that day that gets you every time.


Valentine's Day is consumed with all things love and relationship-like and despite what people nowadays try to make it, one thing it is not is a holiday for singles.  It's so funny how single people go out of their way to express their utter joy for not being tied down or not having to be bothered with anyone, but it's a farce.  I personally don't think most people are meant to be alone.  As great as you are by yourself, a special person can come into your life and really make you better.  They can introduce you to different things and force you to really delve into yourself.  You feel free with them and open up in a way that you keep from others.  I look forward to that union with someone.


I was talking to a friend recently and she and I were discussing the "single girl life."  We both confessed to each other that we were kinda tired of living that life, but her next story reminded me of the saying that "you always want what you can't have."  She told me about her friend who was around our age and who recently got married.  She said that her friend told her that she was so happy in her marriage and was so in love with her husband.  She had no doubt in her mind that he was "the one", but she couldn't help but thinking sometimes that she envied our single girl status.  Whoa!  Here we are stewing about how we wish we weren't single and someone who had what we wanted, sometimes felt the opposite.  Now don't get me wrong, it's not that she doesn't want to be married, but she said that she sometimes wishes "forever didn't start so soon."  That really presented another persepective to me.  Because if marriage is forever and those responsibilities are 'til death do you part', (some of us still believe anyway), maybe we should enjoy this time.

It's so much easier said than done.  The longing for companionship never really goes away for most people and though women are notorious for it, I believe men feel the same way.  Even if you're not in a committed relationship, there's usually someone you're spending your time with.  This just illustrates how human beings need the connection to another person especially a romantic connection and this. will. never. change. 

I decided to wait a few days after Valentine's Day to write my wrap-up so that I can actually feel and stand by the things I'm writing, because a few days ago, I DID NOT feel this way at all, lol.  I'm always good at taking time to think and regroup in every situation or funk and move forward which is what I'm doing.  I can't let one day ruin my positivity or make me question everything I know and believe. 

Despite it all and still believing in love and "the one", I leave you with this video.  Enjoy....




Until Next time....keep the forward movement....

Love your body

We as women are always complaining about our bodies.  Nothing is ever good enough.  Something is always too big or too small.  It's too long or too short or too dark or too pale.  I've noticed how no woman I've ever spoken to has ever been completely satisfied with their figure.  Just a few days ago, I was speaking to a co-worker of mine and asked her if she had lost weight because she appeared to have had.  Her response was "no way!  I wish I lost weight!"  Now this co-worker is tall and has a great figure, so you would never think that she was unhappy with the way she looked.  It took me aback.  You never know how people really see themselves.  Perception is really in the eye of the beholder.  As I sat in my office, I couldn't believe this woman felt like this about herself, until I started thinking about myself.


For as long as I could remember, I have never been happy with my body.  There 's always been something that's been too big or not long enough or almost right.  I look and think back and have always felt some sort of unhappiness, but you would never know it.  From the outside looking in, I exude the utmost confidence.  What I dislike, I've been told that many people pay for on a daily basis.  It's taken a long time, but I'm learning to appreciate all the parts of me.


I'm appreciating all of me and not waiting until I see someone who's sick or has some physical ailment to appreciate my own.  It's okay to want to improve the way you look, but don't neglect to see and be happy for the good.  Everyone is beautiful in their own way.  Stop comparing yourself to other people or other women.  Newsflash: someone will always be prettier than you or more attractive, so you have to be confident in your own beauty and own it.  Don't allow anyone to define what beauty is and what you should look like.  I know it's hard, but don't even allow the man you love or any man for that matter, to define how you feel about you.  Whoever cares about you will love you for you.


Ladies, it's February, which is the month that is consumed with the many thoughts of love.  Whether you have someone or not, don't forget to love yourself and that means the good and the bad.  If you don't, no one else will.  I leave you with a great video from Indie Arie expressing the love and acceptance for herself.  This proved to be an anthem to women as soon as it was released.  I leave you loving all of me.....

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Almost Doesn't Count...

Since it's the month of February, I figured what better time to launch my entries on love, relationships, and men and women as I know it!  I have plenty of things that come to mind and you know ladies love to chat amongst themselves about our experiences, so I'll share one with you.  A friend and I were having a conversation about relationships.  The topic was that we knew that sometimes men felt that women can't be pleased.  That no matter what they do sometimes, they feel as though they can't make us happy.  Now I can only speak for myself, but I know that at a time or two, I've been guilty of making someone feel this way and I will say it was more my own issues than them, but sometimes fellas, it's you.  Let me tell you why and how it is for women sometimes.


A lot of times, women are ready for more quicker than men are.  Hell, sometimes, we're ready and you're not at all.  And no matter what you tell us, it really only matters what's in our heads, lol.  I'm not saying it's right, but it is definitely true. Fellas let me let you into the mind of a woman real quick.  Now don't completely take this, run with it, and apply it to everything, because you know we're complicated, lol.


A woman who cares about you and that you're involved with in whatever capacity, is going to want what she wants from day one and you probably already know this.  The problem is you don't, but we hang in there anyway thinking that we can show how fabulous we are and persuade you otherwise.  For a while, you may truly stand your ground, but sometimes, somewhere along the line, you begin to fall for us.  You think everything is going great, but we start to get frustrated and irritated by everything and you don't understand why.  It feels like we're always upset and you can't do anything right...right?  Let me give you two examples of how this plays in our mind.


When you start to accept your feelings for us, it's new to you, and therefore you're in no rush.  The thing is, our feelings and frustrations are old to us because we've cared about you for so long or longer than you anyway.  It's as if we're running around a track.  Little do you know we've been running since 1 o'clock.  We keep asking you come along, but you never want to.  We keep running and running hoping that you show up and you do, but not until eight o'clock.  You get that first lap in and are feeling energized.  We are sweating, are tired and thirsty and you can't understand why we get upset and leave the track.  In your mind you showed up, but in ours you almost didn't and when you did, we didn't have the same energy as we did before.


As my friend and I continued to share our experiences, I gave her another example.  Women will deal with a lot when they care about a man.  Whether it's right or wrong, we will.  But eventually a woman gets to a point where the only thing that's good enough is exactly. what. she. wants. and nothing less.  For example, if you were to ask me my ultimate car, I would tell you it's a Bentley.  I just don't think it gets any better, for me anyways.  That is what I ultimately want.  Another one might be nice and I may really like it and enjoy it, but it's not what I truly want.  There is a frame of time that will allow me to enjoy other cars while I'm waiting for my dream car, but then there'll come a moment when nothing is going to be good enough...now follow me because this is just an example; read between the lines.  You could give the best of what you think is the best and I still wouldn't like because it's not what I've been waiting for.


Women operate in the same way.  We'll wait and wait and wait, but then one day something clicks and our emotions don't dictate our actions anymore.  Mind you up until this point our emotions did dictate our actions and didn't care a thing about what you said.  We just went on how we felt and hoped you'd feel the same.  But there comes a point, when no matter what, it's all or nothing...and almost doesn't count.  What you may think is a major step or a major thing, means nothing because we passed that so long ago.  I know, I know, you're thinking "well I didn't know or tell you to go that far", but let me tell you something: our hearts don't hear that.  Our emotions don't care about what you said and emotions definitely don't respect your logic...or any logic for that matter.  


I wish that this entry would've made some things change or click, but it won't, lol.  The battle of the sexes will continue forever, but it's a great thing to get inside the mind of each other to learn and understand more about each other.  It'll definitely make you a better person for you and your future mate.


I'll leave you with one of my favorite Beyonce songs.  It's perfect, because it pretty much describes what we as women, would do if we were men because this is how we sometimes perceive you all.  Right or wrong fellas, the ladies agree, lol.  







Until next time....keep the forward movement...

Breaking News: Earthquake in Haiti

Close your eyes.  Calm yourself and breathe deeply.  Imagine yourself spending time with family and/or friends or even by yourself.  You're having a good time and are relaxed.  Maybe you decide to get up and go for a walk or you're on your way home.  No matter what you're doing, you're relaxed and going on with your day as usual.  It's a pretty good thought isn't it?  All of a sudden, the earth begins to shake.  Everything in sight begins to crumble and there is nowhere to run.  If you're with someone, you try to rush to each other and try to hide.  If you're by yourself, you do whatever to shield yourself from the tumbling things.  You may hear screaming and crying and crashing and there's absolutely nothing you can do until it is over.    Open your eyes.  What are you thinking?  How do you feel?  I'm sure everyone reading this is so grateful that they only imagined an Earthquake and it didn't really happen.  Too bad everyone can't be grateful it was just a dream.

On January 12, 2010, the first black country to gain their independence, Haiti was hit with a devastating 7.0 earthquake shortly before 5 pm.  What followed were two strong after shocks that had magnitudes of 5.5 and 5.9.  The damage has been devastating.  The country has been hit by natural catastrophe's before, but this is definitely one of the worst.  As of now, there is no specific dead body count, but thousands of feared to be dead in the aftermath.  In a country where 70-80% of the population lives in poverty, this earthquake is more devastating to the Haiti, then it would be in a country that has a lot more financial stability and support.  The US government has even set up a number to help people locate their family members (888-407-4747).  Not much more is known at this time, but as a new day comes, more questions will be answered and the true damages will be shown as it hard to see since it happened in the later part of the day.

This my friends, is yet another reason to be grateful for life. Things may not always be going the way you think they should and everything is not always perfect, but there are always situations that remind us of how blessed we are.  If you're not in Haiti, nor have people you know there, tonight you will just go to sleep.  You will not have had to fight for your life, nor are you worrying if anyone is dead or alive.  That alone, should be reason enough to maintain an attitude of gratitude.  

Until next time....keep the forward movement....