Reason. Season. Lifetime. The Circles of Friendship.

Friend. Ami. Amiga. Amicus.  No matter what language you say it in, it all means the same.  Friends are the family members that you get to choose.  No matter what you need or what you're going through, they are always there.  You never think that your friends would betray you or fall out your life, but as I mature and continue to grow in all my relationships, I realize that some were never meant to be there for the entire ride. 

Throughout the years, I've come across a lot of people.  Luckily for me, I've always been quite selective with who I've chosen to let in my life, and more importantly, my inner circle.  I'm a true observer.  Even as a child, I would always remain quite aloof in my dealings with people until I built trust enough to be able to call you my friend.  I'm still that way till this very day and I would advise most people to do that rather than jumping straight in.  You just never know how people will impact your life.


Reason.  I had a friend who I initially was acquantainces with.  For some reason, I had a vested interest in helping her.  I felt like I could be a good role model and help her through a difficult time in her life.  Before I knew it, she was one of my closest friends.  The things that we helped each other through rivaled that of sisters and we didn't take it for granted.  As time progressed, we grew slightly apart.  At first it wasn't that noticable or problematic, but after a slight rift that she refused to address, we were no longer speaking.  I am a person who likes to address issues head on.  She is more passive.  Well, in her pasivity, she chose to ignore the problem and our friendship, all in the same swoop. You can't communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, so we didn't...and haven't.  It bothers me because I cared for her like a sister and made a point to be there for her, but things don't always go the way you think they will.  My frustration caused me to wonder what the point of it all was. What was the reason, we became friends if the friendship would crumble so easily?  I figured that my ultimate purpose in this friendship could have been to help her in the one of the most difficult times of her life.  With that, I moved on.  


Season.  The last year in college was one of the best.  Me and my closests friends created something that was more than a friendship; it was a family.  We literally went to class, ate dinner together, attended functions, etc.  You name it, we did it...together.  One of my friends imparticular completed the lady trifecta that was composed of me, my best friend, and her.  You couldn't see one of us without the other and if you did, we knew where the other was and why he/she wasn't there, lol.  College is one of the best experiences in life but it also is one of the most trying as well.  As you navigate through life and early adulthood, you're bombarded with the realities of life and learn only at the moment, how to best cope. We laughed and cried together and when it was time for us to separate, we closed it out with an emotional circle that I punctuated with us sharing the wishes that we had for one another. Even though we closed out our last night in the same city, never did we think that would close out our friendship.  That, however, is exactly what happened with one of us.  She moved and fell off the face of the earth.  Not one to actively keep in touch, she acted as a child does when they move away...they switch schools and made new friends.  The difference is, we are adults, so continuing a friendship ensues with ease.  Almost all of my close friends, including my best friend, don't live in my city.  We simply take vacations, keep in touch, and continue to be there in times of need...and believe me, there have been many.  We even reached out a long time ago, jokingly bashed her about her absence and extended an olive branch to rekindle our sisterhood.  Till this day, we have heard nothing.  I can't tell you how many conversations we've had about her and how hurt we are about her nonchalance, but you live and you learn.  No matter how ridiculous it is now, when we discuss those memories, we still laugh to the point of tears.  That season, will always remain one of the best and one of the most impactful in my life, but like real seasons, they often change...and bring something else.  


Lifetime.  The past few years have been quite trying in every way imaginable.  The funny thing is, I found that I wasn't the only one going through it.  Like myself, my most treasured friends had life changes of their own.  The beauty of it was that we could all be there for one another.  The happenings in the recent past are things that have altered who we've become, taught us who we want to be, and strengthened the only thing we could depend on, our faith. These are the friendships that lead you further into your life and walk with you throughout it. No matter what changes may occur (marriage, children, career), they are there.  

Life was never meant to be lived alone.  Along with finding your perfect match in a mate, God blesses you with special people in your life to fill your friendship tank.  It may take several wrong turns with the wrong passengers before you get to your destination, but eventually you'll arrive with the right people in tow.  Guard your heart, mind, and words. Take time to build trust.  Most importantly, don't let the negative experiences harden your heart and keep you from the positive things and people that lie in your future.  I'm grateful for my lifetime friends.  Don't forget to be grateful for yours.  

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Letting Go...

“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” Many a times, this quote is used in love. It narrates the anguish that comes from letting someone that you love with your entire being go. Though it may not feel good, it’s something that has to be done…and so you do. If that released love finds a way to re-ignite itself and find its way back to you, then you were meant to have it. As I lay in bed and pondered this saying, I began to realize that there was more to it than I thought.

It may be easiest to apply this quote in love, but it applies with everything. My sister got married a number of years ago. She was happy, energized by love, and a new mother. That little life that she and her husband brought into the world breathed joy into their spirits on a daily basis. Though he was ill since he was a child, their love and their child gave them the strength to move on and fight everyday battles…together. Never did she think that she would be a widow one year later. Her husband died suddenly and there she was…alone. I watched my sister become a former shell of herself as she went through the motions of planning her husband’s funeral. I watched the tears flow from her eyes and heard her silent cries. I watched the weight of life weigh her down as she thanked everyone for their help and condolences. I watched her connect to the only source of life she felt like she had to live for…my niece Kookie. As cliché as it sounds, time and only time, heals all things and eventually, with the everlasting piece of God, she began to live again. Though she will never let the memory of her husband go, she did let certain things go. She let the guilt surpass and the “what ifs” settle down. In order to live the best life for her child, she had to let the negative emotions go. Because she let go, she was able to find a new love. A new love that provided her an even newer more fulfilling thing to love….my niece Isabella. As she gazes upon her kids laughing and playing with each other, I often watch her only imagining the pure and everlasting love she feels for them. All of this is because she LET GO.
 For so long, there were so many things that I wanted to do, but got in my own way. I harbored such made-up ridiculousness that you would’ve thought I was a writer for an action packed dramatic film, lol. For every single thing that I decided to do, I created its negative counterpart as to why it wouldn’t or couldn’t work. I believe everyone hits a wall. This wall is the place that you finally run into that snaps you into a reality that has you thirsty for immediate personal action. No longer do you care about the reasons you’ve conjured up. All you know is that you need to act NOW. My breakthroughs have all come because I LET GO. In letting go, all these wonderful things have found their way back to me or are new to me. In the areas of love, entrepreneurship, success, my relationship with God, etc, all my stocks are up . It took me being obedient and LETTING GO.

I want to encourage you to truly let go of some things. Whether it comes back to you in the form of the insanely familiar or in the wave of something fresh and new, it will come back if it belongs to you.

 
Until next time...keep the forward movement....