Friends First?

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been thinking, reading, and talking a lot about relationships and no matter what, I keep running into one aspect of it: friendship.  I started really thinking of the importance of friendship in a relationship or more importantly, before a relationship.  Often times, you meet someone and if you're attracted to them, in any form, you go on a date.  Thus begins the courtship that possibly leads to seriously dating, a committed relationship, and maybe even marriage.  In the midst of the whirlwind, you're oblivious to the fact that a true friendship wasn't established before everything else.  Now it's true, that if you've dated someone long enough or are married to them, a certain friendship does build because of your experiences together, but I don't think it's the same as one before everything happens.  The more and more I think about it, I'm starting to believe that one should establish a platonic friendship before going any further.  Now this may be a little difficult because when you care deeply for someone, you want to skip that part, but I think in the end it will be benefical.  

Friends and lovers are almost exactly the same to me with the exception of one thing: the physical and romantic end of it.  Think about it: you share experiences, pains, joys, successes, secrets, and so on with your friends.  With a lover, you share experiences, pains, joys, successes, secrets, and so on.  The main and obvious difference is that you don't share your body and romantic side with a friend like you do your lover.  If you miss this critical step of getting to know each other on a platonic level, then you may have nothing to go on if the sex were to stop...and sometimes it does or at least slows down. 

As important as sex is to a relationship, and it is (you know it's true, lol), at the end of the day, it's not as important as having a spiritual and emotional connection.  It's not as important as acutally enjoying the time spent with a certain someone.  As hot and heavy as it is in the beginning, you'd never think that it could slow down, but it does, even though you still really care about, love, or are attracted to that person.  Here is where the friendship come into play.  Can you still have fun without the sex?  Do you still want to spend time with them?  Are any of your favorite activities or things you like about the person unrelated to sex?  Do you enjoy conversing with them?  Those are the things that really matter and if you can answer yes to all those questions, then the sex is the very nice and tasty icing on the cake ;). 

If you have a good basis enveloped into the person you care about, then you'll enjoy a lot of things with them and will be able to things that don't surround sex.  As I think back to the people I've dated, I can see the pros and cons from both sides. I was friends with an ex before and a few people I dated I wasn't friends with before.  Being friends doesn't necessarily ensure a lasting relationship (obviously, he's an ex, lol), but I still think it's important and will definitely be making sure that I establish one prior to moving forward with anyone in the future.  Even if I end up dating someone I have already dated (don't act like I'm the only one who can't get over him, lol), I think having a friendship and really re-learning someone will be beneficial no matter what.  I've also experienced getting a really good connection with someone I wasn't friends first with.  When I think of him, the first things that come to mind are our movies nights, the way he was so goofy around me and made me laugh a lot, and his extreme intelligence because he always had something to teach me.  This is a testament that just because you aren't friends first doesn't mean that you can't become friends.

As I think back, weigh the pros and cons, and look back on past experiences, I think I'll choose to be friends first, at least for a little while.  Not only is it important for the reasons I've already mentioned, but if the two of you don't work out, depending on the amount of damage, after some time, you may be able to transition back into a friendship...that's if the two of you already had one.  It's so sad when someone you cared about or loved so much, can't be a part of your life anymore because you don't know how to be anything other than what you were...*sigh*.

Anyway, enough of my thoughts...what are yours?  Do you think it should be friends first or it doesn't matter? 



Until next time...Keep the forward movement...