From Pits to Peaks....

Earlier this week, I was reading one of my many devotionals.  At times, I feel like I receive so much from these words and at other times, it's simply good and uplifting reading, but this one in particular stuck out to me.  The devotional was about getting through the rough times or "pits" in life, so to speak.  Everyone has a time when they feel like they're surrounded by darkness.  No matter how much you attempt to remain positive, there are times in life where you feel beat down and overwhelmed with the things that lie around you and the upcoming things that lie in front of you.  At that point, circumstances may feel insurmountable.  You may find yourself asking "when will things get better" or "why are these things constantly happening to me?"  This is what I read:  

"Pits come to strengthen us.  Our struggle to escape the darkness forces us to admit our insufficiency and search for power outside of our own."

Oftentimes, we wonder why we're in the struggle we're in and even though I can come up with many reasons why, in the midst of it, I honestly don't want to hear it.  This one line reminded me.  The pits or valleys of life really do strengthen us.  Think about a really tough situation or moment in time in your past.  In that moment, you may have been overwhelmed or frustrated and unsure of how you would come out of it, but eventually you got through it.  Fast forward to the present day, and if the same situation occurred, you wouldn't even bat an eye.  You'd know exactly what to do and it wouldn't feel as difficult.  Why; because you were strengthened and pruned through the situation.  Whether we know it or not, all of the difficult occurrences we face make us better.  They do indeed force us to take a look at ourselves, face and overcome our insecurities, and if you go through it successfully, become a better person.  

"We cannot really know just how bright the light is until we have spent time in the darkness."

In some situations, we are pushed so far to our brink, that we are forced to rely on no one else but God. God himself, will bring about situations that require us to lean only on Him.  What I've learned, especially as I've matured, is that our lives don't thrive when we only come to Him when we need something.  Our lives flourish when we make Him a part of our daily lives and build a solid relationship with Him.  

Lately, I've found that although I'm making strides in my life and have ushered this new year with some great changes, some things (according to my timeline, lol), seem to be taking their time; almost as if they have stalled.  In my frustration, I began to think that maybe certain things won't happen, but almost  immediately, I chose to change my perspective.  Often you'll hear "delay is not denial."  Just because something isn't happening right now doesn't mean it won't happen.  It's all about perspective.  Did you know that some things, even the things that are truly meant for you, could be a huge distraction if it enters your life a second too soon?  The person you're meant to be with, the promotion you're meant to have, the business that's meant to explode can be a major deterrent if you receive it before the appointed time.  When you think about it like that, you can find much more solace in waiting and growing in the meantime.  

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott

If you're going through a tough period in your life right now, I encourage you to change your perspective.  Instead of allowing frustration, worry, and anger to shut you down, strengthen your relationship with God, focus on growing within yourself, and prepare for all the great things to come, so that when the right time does appear, you'll be more than ready!  

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

 

My Fearless Magazine Tips on Re-invigorating Yourself!

We all have times in life when we feel a little “blah” about ourselves.  You aren’t necessarily unhappy, but you feel a little stale and unsure of yourself.  Your energy is low and you can’t quite put your finger on what exactly isn’t working.  No need to worry though!  Sometimes, it takes simply making minute changes to get your swagger back!  Incorporate these three tips to a better, more fulfilled you!

Get A New Look: Nothing makes you feel better and gives you a new burst of energy than changing up your look!  This time of the year is a great time to switch up your hair color or add a burst of color freshness to your wardrobe!  Live on the wild side with a new pop of color for your lips or a fiery nail design.  A lot of great and unique things are on trend this season and will add a little sizzle to your everyday look.  You’ll immediately start to feel better!

Try Something New: One of the best ways to get your ‘mojo’ back is to try something new!  Step outside of the box and get a little uncomfortable.  Take a fitness or art class.  Go to a play or take in an outdoor adventure.  The newness of the experience coupled with conquering something new will help boost your self-esteem and give you the ability to begin to see yourself in a new light!

Self-Evaluation: Learning to evaluate yourself can be quite eye-opening. You may not initially know what is stifling your progress, but taking the time to figure it out will be more beneficial than you know.  Think about your life and list the things that make you happy.  Also, list the things that aren’t making you happy or no longer benefit you and your life.  The key thing here is to let those things go.  Sometimes we hold on to things out of habit unaware that they are adding to our misery.  It may not be spring cleaning season, but it’s always the right time to get out with old and in with the new!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Fearless Tips- Tips to Keep You From Losing Yourself!

If you’re anything like me, you overextend yourself.  You can sometimes find it difficult to say “no” and end up putting your personal issues and tasks aside to help others.  Though being the “go-to” person feels great and has it’s benefits, you may find yourself completely lifeless and emotionally drained.  You must know this: there’s a way to be there for people without completely losing yourself!  Follow these tips to

Boundaries: You must set boundaries.  Boundaries are important because they set the tone for how things are going to go, and also teach people how to treat you.  You don’t have to let people walk all over you with their requests.  Learn to be of service, but keep ridiculous demands at bay.

Just Say “No”: One of the biggest things you can do for yourself is to learn when to say “no.”  You can’t be everything to everybody and you most certainly can’t be helpful if you’re stretched too thin.  You’re going to have to be comfortable with denying some things and people and not allow the guilt of your “no” to overtake you.  

Put Your Requests First:  It’s so easy and natural to drop what you’re doing and help someone with their needs, but unless it’s an emergency, it can wait.  If you make a habit of pushing your things aside, subconsciously, you’re saying that your needs aren’t as important as everyone else’s.  Never neglect to complete your tasks.

A little “Me” Time: Whether it’s a drive alone, or a euphoric spa experience, do what you need to do to refuel yourself.  Sometimes, it may even entail meditating in a quiet space, prayer, or simply shutting off your phone for a couple of hours.   Whatever you need to relax and refuel, take the time to do it!  The better you are to yourself, the better you can be for everyone else!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Fearless Tips- Have it all (in love) without losing yourself!!!

With “Think Like A Man” being a number one box office hit, it has many people talking.  The phenomenon began with Steve Harvey’s book and have taken the world by storm once again with it’s recent film release.  After reading the book, many women took every word to heart and coincidentally, the film highlighted some of that behavior.  In the end, the movie showed that being true to yourself and your desires is what counts---not playing games.  Here’s a few tips on how to have it all without losing yourself.

Friends First- People really underestimate the importance of a friendship in a relationship.   It’s unfortunate that many find that though they may love their significant other, they really don’t like them.  Ouch!  Without all the romantic intricacies involved, you should still be able to enjoy him just the same.  Good communication, understanding, and genuine caring is lasting.  When getting to know a new possible Mr. Right, take it slow and build on a friendship.  

Ask Questions...Don’t Investigate- Let’s be real ladies, sometimes our desire to find out if we should invest our time or not comes off a bit, eh...scary.  Yes, there are important questions that need to be asked, but you will find that your approach can determine the answer.  Rather than make a man feel like he’s on trial, initiate a smooth conversation about life in general.  Set the tone for comfortability without judgement and you will find that he will not only answer some general questions, but will provide you with answers to questions you didn’t even ask!

To Thine Own Self Be True- You know who you are at your core.  You know what you desire, what you’re willing to be flexible with, and what’s on your “non-negotiable” list.  Don’t change it!  There’s compromise and then there’s losing yourself hoping to get a man---NOT a good idea!  Never dismiss your values, beliefs, and what’s truly important.  The right man, who is worth it and who recognizes your worth, will be willing to do what it takes to gain your trust and love when the time is right!  

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

Reading and Writing Through Life.... (written for KIDMUNICATOR)

As a child I always found myself  “in my head.”  I constantly had thoughts swarming around but for some reason I was always apprehensive to sharing them.  Everyone else in my family was very chatty and said whatever came to mind, but I always guarded my thoughts.  Always the bookworm, you could find me locked in my room, under the covers, immersed in a novel.  The years of reading and training that my parents put me through (they’re avid believers of reading and education) paid off.  I excelled in school, read years above my grade level, and was even offered to be skipped up two grades!  Eventually, I began to put my thoughts and ideas from my reading into my own words.  I started writing.  At first, I kept it to myself, but after much coaxing from my teacher, I decided to share my stories with my classmates.  They enjoyed it so much that it became a weekly event that grew into sharing my stories with three other classes as well.  Not only did it provide me an outlet for thoughts and creativity, it also increased my socialization skills and self-esteem.  

Writing my own stories caused me to want to relay my own thoughts down as well which lead me into journaling.  Journaling opened up a new lane of self-expression for me.  There I was able to express my feelings about everyday life, things that were occurring in my family, as well as my hopes as dreams for the future.  Looking back, some of it even served as a vision board (if you will), because a lot of what I said I wanted to accomplish had already been written.  Journaling is so important because whether you realize it or not, it is somewhat therapeutic.  It allows you to face your thoughts as you write them in plain view and helps you process what’s really going on in your mind.  Not only does it aid in self-healing, it also increases your vernacular and reading skill-set.  Double-win!

My love for reading and writing has taken me quite far.  What began as a love for education and creativity in my youth, has become a way of life in my adulthood.   I currently lend my writing talents to several magazines as an editor/contributor, am completing my first book, and still find the time to journal in the form of my weekly blog posts (www.stephaniebenoit.blogspot.com).  Something that began so simply as me writing down my feelings or getting lost in the fantasy of a novel’s world has shaped my reality beautifully.  

If you feel that you don’t always want to talk about it, write about it first or take the time to research a book that may be of healing for you.  Remember that no one can ever take away your words, your heart, or your education!

Live.  Laugh.  Learn.  

Scary Thoughts.....

What if?  Let’s say this happens?  Worst case scenario?  These are some of the phrases people often use when they consider the outcomes of circumstances that they have no control over.  Instead of focusing on what could be, people tend to lean toward all the things that stand in the way of the happier possibilities.  In a world where you’re taught to expect nothing, but hope for the best, why are we still hoping for less?

This week, one of my clients called me frazzled with a particular situation.  As with any of my clients, I make myself available within sessions for emergency situations and this was just that.  I will not go into detail for obvious ethical reasons, but what I will say is that the majority of our conversation was me offering positive possibilities for every negative one she came up with.  Though the situations she brought up were very possible, she was operating out of fear.  Every negative reason she gave was something that she created based off of an idea of what could possibly be since she wasn’t really sure of what was.  My job and goal was to get her to see the infinite positive possibilities as well as teach her to combat her own negative thinking that was caused my her increased anxiety.  I’m not oblivious to the fact that yes, negative things do occur, but we mustn’t think only in terms of the realization of our fears, but also with the possibility of the positive outcomes.  

Also, this week, one of my family members was having a procedure done.  As we discussed who was taking him to the doctor and the prep for the procedure, he stated “what if they put me to sleep and I don’t wake up?”  Though this is a normal fear, especially for those that have never been under anesthesia,  I wondered why that’s the first thing that comes to mind?  As I did my best to coax him into being calm and thinking of the great health benefits of the procedure, he began to see the glass as half full. 

As happy as I was that I could help veer the views of two people into a positive direction, it got me wondering why we always go to the worst case scenario?  What one must understand is that not only do our fears paralyze and control us, but if we fear them too much, we begin to act based off of the imaginary consequences and situations we’ve created.  My advice: always be prepared for the possibilities of what life may bring, but don’t allow the fears of the unknown and uncontrollable to dictate your thinking. Often times, our lives go in the direction of our most dominant thoughts, so the next time you start thinking about the possibility of the worst, stop yourself, and embrace the euphoric joy of the best!

Until next time....keep the forward movement....

What are you willing to accept?

Life is chalk full of choices, but along with those choices comes many consequences.  What easier and more palpable way to swallow the more negative ones by pointing the finger and curling up in a victimized fetal position?  There always HAS to be something that was done to you because to actually take the responsibility that the negative outcome was in direct relation to the very choice and action you made is more than unnerving.  It places the ever-horrendous reflection that can only be seen by the fun-house mirror at the circus.  In this day in age, when most people are intelligent enough to mildly accurately self-diagnose the nature of their own psychological defect and the effects it’s had on their actions, why is it still so hard to take the blame?

Life is all about relationships.  Whether platonic or romantic, a dictatorship or business, they all exist between two or more people.  Regardless of the way you choose to label yours, which ever way it’s going, is exactly the way you want it to.  There are many who would beg to differ, but many focus on the wrong thing.  We, as human beings, especially us women, figure that our results will come from the outcomes we’ve created in our minds based on our current and consistent actions, regardless of the consistent truths we’ve been shown.  Movement needs to happen on our own time frame.  Apologies need to happen when we think they should.  Understanding and enlightenment needs to happen at a certain juncture.  As a woman, I’m totally guilty of this, but the more I begin to think, the more clear it becomes.  It’s not about you and it’s not about me.  It’s about what you’re willing to deal with; what you’re willing to ACCEPT.  Never do we dig beyond what we see in terms of men and that is where everything truly lies.  This is the truth for everyone, however.  There are experiences and pasts that are so deeply engraved that lend themselves to the current creation of the person you now know.  You are receiving a part of them that has always been there that has nothing to do with you or what you provide.  To be able to successfully “have it your way” or as close to it as you can, you must understand that person and all their relative experiences for your “aha moment.”  The greater issue and hope is that they themselves understand it and if they haven’t worked on it, are open to digging deep, learning to walk in the thundering rain of their issue(s), and accept living in the sunshine of their newly overcome circumstances and life.  When that becomes possible, then everything can really move forward. 

A very significant realization that I’ve had in the past few days is my responsibility for my time.  For a very long time now, but especially most recently, I’ve discussed my time or lack thereof.  My time often seems to go to a lot of other things and doesn’t allow me to complete or even start what I intended.  It has been this way for years.  Sure, there have been times when I’ve put my foot down about it, but in a way, my guilt and desire to be of service and not let everyone down, became an enabler of some sort.  It also became the way I victimized myself.  After spending time with a very significant someone recently and watching them take accountability in ways I’d never seen before, it gave me the tools to become accountable as well.  The hardest part: being accountable for all the things you don’t like or all the negative things.  It’s not the easiest pill to swallow, but when you do, it becomes easier.  Personal acceptability allows you to see and make the choices that were always there in the first place.  There are no blindfolds that come in the forms of excuses or victimized circumstances.  There is only the truth and the choices you make with your present actions and when things don’t work out the way you thought, you remain present and responsible and do better next time.  What I am doing now is being present and protective with my time.  If that means saying “no” to some things and people, then I’m going to actively say “no” knowing that this will contribute to the protection of my time and the evolution of me.  

Whether it’s being present in the relationship you choose or taking charge of your time and life, the sooner you understand that you are a part of everything, good and bad, the better off you will be.  You have the power to choose and the power to be empowered by the outcomes of your choices.  Pray that God teaches you the lesson from each choice and that you are proud to accept the life you’ve created!

Until next time...keep the forward movement....