My Thoughts: Our Family Wedding

Our Family Wedding stars America Ferrera, Lance Gross, Carlos Mencia, Regina King, and Forest Whitaker among some other familiar faces.  The movie is basically about a young couple where the man is black and the woman is mexican and they get engaged prior to telling their family or even having met each other's family.  The movie explores the racism that is still very much apparent in today's society amongst interracial couples, but of course they do it with a comedic twist.  The families, mainly the two fathers of the couple, don't get along and instigate each other with stereotypical jabs.  Throughout the film, the families imposed their ideal wedding ideas on the soon-to-be newly weds citing culture and tradition as big reasons to why everything had to be their way despite the couples' lack of enthusiasm.  Some elements that were incorporated in the movie that assist in depth was racism, the idea of friends becoming lovers, losing yourself in a marriage, and truly supporting your spouse no matter what.  Of course, the movie ended with everyone working through their issues and the couple happily married.

As I watched, I chuckled every now and then, but  began to obeserve the people sitting around me and started to get uncomfortable.  For whatever reason, I started wondering how many people actually agreed with these stereotypes and felt the same way.  I grew up in such a multi-cultural atmosphere that to see an interracial couple was nothing awkward at all.  I have different races in my family and within my friendships and although I know everyone isn't as comfortable with that for one reason or another, it was a little disheartening to see that some couples have to fight so hard just to love.  They not only have to fight with the people who don't know them, but sometimes they have to fight the hardest with some of the most judgemental people...family.  Though it was a film, it was reflective of real life.

One of the scenes was the young man sitting with a group of men telling him how the woman and things will change after they get married.  Of course they only highlight the negative stating that he won't be able to do anything after he gets married.  Supposedly she won't trust him and call him all the time to make sure she knows where she is.  Though funny at the moment, the after taste was irritating.  This isn't the first time I've heard someone state how women change after marriage to deter a man from getting married until he has absolutely nothing better left to do.  I think it's so unfair.  Men AND women change.  People change together and please believe that while a wife is changing, so is her husband.  It just seems so negative and sheds an unappetizing view on marriage and for those of us who do eventually want to get married (ME), it doesn't make marriage look worthwhile.

Another theme in the movie was pleasing everyone in your family and foregoing the plans that you want for yourself and giving in to your family's desires in order to please everyone.  In the movie, the couple wants to keep it simple, but they have to adopt the saying "our marriage, their wedding."  I hope that this isn't the case in real life.  I understand that family members have requests but to have to give up on everything you truly want seems unfair.  I planned my sister's wedding and although both sides of the family had requests, they respected the choices of my sister and her fiance.

The final theme that I'm going to share with you and what I deem to be one of the more important ones is the theme of who you become in a marriage and the possibility of losing yourself.  That was one of the issues between the parents of the bride in the film.  The mother felt as if she wasn't important to her husband anymore and the daughters felt as if their mother gave up her life and wasn't happy.  I'm not married, so I can't speak on what truly happens, but I know what I think and this I will share.  I know that 2 become 1 and a couple has to be one accord, but realistically, there are still 2 individuals.  People make it seem that a lot of times, one spouse, usually the woman, gives up on her desires and becomes what her kids and husband need, while pretty much giving up on herself and her dreams.  From the outside looking in, marriage is supposed to be a compromise.  I personally hope and pray that I marry someone who could support and be as excited for my endeavors as I am for theirs.  As a woman I know it's natural for us to push ourselves aside and devote ourselves to the cause no matter what it may be, but after awhile, you recognize the loss of yourself.  If you don't have someone who understands that, you can grow to resent them.  This is for men equally if you find yourself in that role.  All in all, a good marriage, the way I see it, is comprised of two individuals  walking in the same direction.  They may see different things along the way, but it doesn't change that they want to go to the same place...together.

I recommend seeing this movie.  Despite all my thoughts on it, it was still worth seeing.  It definitely opened my mind and I'm sure it will foster an open dialogue for  your engagements with family, friends, and lovers. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...