Cast Your Cares....

This has been a hell of a week!  Following an eventful reunion weekend with friends filled with non-stop fun and laughter, reality anxiously awaited me as I came back home Sunday night.  News of a death met me at the arrival part of the airport.  As soon as I heard the news I was in shock.  Aside from the shock that came from the person dying, I was shocked because she crossed my mind only a week ago.  I hadn't seen her in over 15 years and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to ask for her the week prior.  I was told she wasn't doing well, but it didn't seem that she could be near death, so my mind never strayed there.  For the rest of the evening, that's all I thought about.  I let it into my spirit, but not in the way where I simply felt bad and gave a quick condolensce; it halted my movement and dulled the light that I was beaming around in the person that I've become.  At first, I thought, "I need to shake it off."  A short while after, I thought, "it's okay to feel this way or not do much for the evening because I care."  I felt that if I could just go on without pause, then I didn't truly care at all.  I ended my evening by saying a prayer and going to bed.

I woke up Monday morning with a renewed energy to have this be a great week.  Well, I'm sad to say that it wasn't.  There has been so much negativity and frustration at work that literally at times, I stepped outside of myself, and watched myself scream.  What was more frustrating was the fact that I knew I was so better than what I was displaying.  I allowed the negativity of people to cause me to be angry.  I allowed them to change my attitude.  One moment, I'd tell myself to ignore it and the next moment, I'd be back in that bad space.  I cared too much.  I even explained to someone how the fact that I cared was causing me to give emotionally more than the situation and people were worth.  Not only did I do that, but most importantly, I ultimately gave them control over my emotions and therefore me.....NOT...GOOD!  In the midst of this, I began to get upset at myself because I had come so far from the person I used to be.  I have for a while now, been in charge of me, and I was not going to give that up.  Each day, the plot thickened with some new drama and I behaved in a roller coaster fashion.  Now you know, as well as I do, that when one thing really bothers you, it doesn't take much for ANYthing and EVERYthing to follow suit...and it did.

The straw that broke the camel's back and brought me to the good place that I am now is a stressful situation within the family.  I'm the oldest child and have always had a very protective nature for family, friends, and anyone that I truly care for.  With that being said, I am usually the 'go-to' person whenever anyone had an issue and I usually take on whatever is going on and feel the emotional strain that comes right along with it.  I literally take a person's load and walk away with it.  It's true that they still carry their load because it's their problem, but I now carry it too.  It's the way I care.  I am consumed in my quest to help fix your problem or at least ease the pain of your problem.  Needless to say, I completely enveloped myself into my family member's issue that it even bothered me in my sleep.  That issue coupled with the other ones from this week had me on the brink.  I found myself in the a place where none of the situations that occurred were a reflection of my actions.  There was nothing I could do or change that could change or better the situation and that was hard.  I sat in silence going over the week in my mind and all that had come with it.  Like a flash of lightning, it hit me; Caring doesn't have to be consuming.  

All my life, for whatever reason, I've equated caring about something or someone with being consumed to the point that I now take on the negative emotions that are tied to it and/or them.  While I sat in silence, for the very first time in my whole life, I heard a voice tell me that it was okay to release the troubles, anger, frustration, and sadness, and STILL care.  You're taught from a young age how to act in every situation and you grow up with the responsibility to reflect in a certain 'acceptible' manner whatever you're feeling. I took that to the extreme.  The moment I let go and focused on the only thing I could control (me), I felt so much lighter.  I laughed easier and it wasn't masking anything.  All of a sudden, the very same plans I had for the evening, excited me and I looked forward to them with an energy that I hadn't had a few minutes before.  When I realized and truly accepted that, I felt even more of a help than I was before.  I wasn't carrying that burden anymore and therefore had more energy to do more.

I wanna end by saying that not sinking into the quicksand with someone doesn't mean that you don't want to help pull them out, but you won't accomplish much if you put yourself in the position to start sinking as well.  I say all this to say that you should be free.  Don't allow anything or anyone, no matter how important, to direct your attitude, thoughts and actions.  At the end of the day, no matter how much you care, it will do more harm than good.  

This morning, as I was going through my usual routine, this song popped up in my head and I wanted to share it.  The lyrics are perfect for such a time as this!  Enjoy!

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

10,000 Shoes for Haiti!

The last few weeks have been so fulfilling.  Coming off of my trip, I had so much to share and a lot on my mind. The whole thing seemed so surreal and it gave me a better perspective.  I was recently given the opportunity to do a brief video/commercial for a great organization in Dallas.  10,000 Shoes for Haiti Recycling Collection Program has partnered up with the shoe bank in Dallas, Texas to provide shoes for the people of Haiti.  This couldn't have been better timing because the images of the people walking barefoot over rubble, broken glass, and debris were still very fresh in my mind.  It was an honor and pleasure to do the video!  If you'd like to make a pledge, go to http://www.livegreenexpo.info/ and make your contribution there.  Check out the video below:



On behalf of the organization, I thank you for your contribution in advance!

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Haiti-Wrap Up!

My trip to Haiti was an experience that has left me with a lifetime of memories and I am elated that I went.  Before I went, a lot of people told me that I shouldn't go.  They told me that it wasn't the best time to go, it was very dangerous, and that I wouldn't get to enjoy the great parts of the country....boy were they wrong.  I'm glad that I followed my own mind.  True, it was dangerous and maybe not the best time to go in general, but it was my time to go.  I had never been there and for it to be first time there, the experience was rewarding.  I got to interact with children and with the people and see where my parents grew up.  One thing that I noticed while I was there was that no matter what, people kept living.  My people are so resilient and I envy their strength.  As I looked, I noticed that despite the obvious state, people laughed, danced to music, took care of their children and families, and continued to work.  I began to think of all the things that I allowed to stress me out in my life and they became insignificant.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily issues that we forget that it could be worse.  When you see things like this, you realize that your problems are sometimes not as big as you make them.  Being in that environment will make you, if you don't already have one, develop an attitude of gratitude.  

I was able to see the family that up until that point, I only heard of.  It's wierd to hear names of certain people all of your life, but if they were standing in front of you, you wouldn't know it was them.  It's like you know them, but you don't.  Then all of a sudden, you meet them and see the faces of your grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, sister, brother, etc.  Almost instantaneously, there is a warm comfort that settles within you.  It's a great feeling.

Yes, I saw the bad parts, but I also was able to experience breathtaking views and gorgeous neighborhoods with beautiful homes.  These are all the things that they don't want you to see.  People, with anything, like to dwell on the negative, and if all you know is what the news and media reports, then you don't know much.  They refuse to show the beauty, wealth, and potential that is very apparent in the country.  I even found myself shocked to see it and then I started wondering that if I, a woman of Haitian decent, was surprised by what I saw, then what do other cultures think since they are even more far removed than I?  The thought was unsettling, but all it takes a little education.  Learn things for yourself and don't just take someone's word on it.  Who's to say that they actually know what they're talking about.

All in all, my trip was an eye-opening experience for me and I'm glad that I went.  Up until I went, I was scared to go.  I've always been scared to go and had said that I never would and I was fine with that.  You can do two things with fear.  You can either choose to face it or let it control you.  One thing that I've learned is that when you choose to face a fear, you'll see that it's less scary than you made it.  You may actually enjoy it.  Last year, I faced my fear of public speaking and being on camera.  Now you'd have to pay me to stop talking or to get out of a video, lol.  It's time to stretch, people!  How will you ever know how far you can go it you're too afraid to stretch, even if it's just a little.  No matter what, whether it be a person, place, thing, or experience that you desire, go for it.  It will help shape who you are and who you'll become.

Thanks for joining me on my journey home!  I look forward to having you follow me all over the world (I LOVE traveling), lol!!!!!  Take a look at some photos below from the trip and check out some other things at the i2BELIEVE facebook fan page!!!

Until next time ...keep the forward movement...

Haiti- Day 3- Frustration & Wealth

This morning we decided to get into the heart of the people and go to the marketplace. It sounds simple but it was quite dangerous. There were hundreds and hundreds of vendors lined up and working to sell their products. There were people just out and about and vehicles driving around in the midst of the people. Walking around, we had to make sure that we stayed together because you could easily get lost in the crowd. As we were filming, I noticed the reactions of the people. The moment we got out of the car with the cameras, a lot of them were not happy. They shouted obscenities, wanted to be paid for their pictures, yelled that we shouldn’t be filming, and pushed past us. Initially, in my mind, I was wondering why they were so hostile to us. We know we want to help and this is a part of the process. As I continued to observe and listen, I finally was able to understand why they felt that way. They feel exploited by the crews and people that come to the country. They feel that people want to take pictures, film them, and make money off of them, but they will never see the progress or get the help that they’re longing for. We stopped and spoke to a lady and she expressed this very thing. She said that ever since the earthquake, people come, film and take photos saying they’re going to help and yet she is still hungry. It was so sad, but I can see why she feels that way. To us, who are not living there, and to the rest of the world, it may seem like the earthquake just happened a couple of months ago and it’s going to take a long time to rebuild, but to them it’s different. It appears that nothing is happening. To live in the conditions that they’re living day in and day out, it wouldn’t feel like just a couple of months to you….it would feel like an eternity. Not to mention that a lot of the aid groups are leaving and they’re not much better off at all. I was hoping to see tons of bulldozers moving the massive debris, but I didn’t see any. I saw people sweeping the streets with a broom, tossing dust from one end to another. I saw kids running after people for food, and I even saw a fully naked lady just roaming the streets and I’m pretty sure she has completely lost her mind. Some of the other parts of the country that has been affected that they don’t show you on television seem to have been forgotten. They are wondering when someone is going to come help them. 


The psychological trauma is also playing a major role in the rehabilitation of these people. In the midst of our travels, we ran into a lot of people who still have homes, but sleep in a tent outside. When we asked why, they all responded the same way stating that they are scared of sleeping on the inside just in case another earthquake happens. This way they will already be outside and can have a better chance at running and not dying underneath the rubble of their home. Wow! At this point, they couldn’t even entertain the possibility of obtaining some coping mechanisms through therapy, so what is one to do? What would you do? Go ahead….I’ll let you think about it……When I allowed these thoughts to fill my mind, I no longer blamed that lady or anyone else for feeling the way they did. They have every right.


The second part of our day, blatantly illustrated the extreme dichotomy of the wealthy and the poor. We were given the opportunity to visit some of Haiti’s most elite neighborhoods. We wanted to make a point to show the good as well. The media has a tendency to report and focus on the negative and this is not only in Haiti, but in other parts of the world as well. If this is your only source of information, you become ignorant and less apt to think independently. Therefore, all you know is what you’re told. We wanted to shed light and show how beautiful other parts are and how some of these people are probably living better than you and I. In celebrating the beautiful homes, land, and neighborhoods, it made something very obvious to me. There is no middle class. You’re either extremely poor or extremely rich and the two do not intermingle at all. Most of the wealthy neighborhoods are blocked off and are guarded with men and machine guns. The rich homes have electricity and most of the poorer ones do not. I feel like electricity is a basic necessity, not something that should be given only to the rich. It made me wonder what could be done in order to give the poor some sort a chance to advance and enhance the quality of their lives. Whatever it is, it won’t come over night, and it won’t come if people are comfortable with the obvious separation.


Stay tuned for the wrap-up!




Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Haiti- Day 2- A Family Affair

Today was another interesting, tumultuous, and emotional day. The plan for the day was to take a quick trip to visit some family that we’ve never seen before...at least I’ve never seen them before. We all woke up at 4:00 am after having gone to sleep at the most indecent of hours laughing and re-living the crazy parts of the trip. The plan was to get on the road by 5:00 am, be where we needed to be by at least 8:30 and leave out by 1:00. The quote that comes to mind for me is “life is what happens when you’re busy planning it”….and so it did. We were coming up a mountain when our front right tire locked and we almost crashed into something. We got the car to back up but it wouldn’t go forward. Needless to say, things weren’t going according to plan. We spent almost 2 hours on the side of the HOT road bargaining with some mechanics about what they could possibly do for us. Luckily, God sent us someone who was genuinely trying to help us without scamming us because they could of…and we would’ve had no choice but to have fallen for it. After a while, the car gets fixed and we get back on the road. We figure, we’ve come too far to stop now, so onward and upward.  We even stopped by a beautiful beach for a breath of fresh air on the way to our destination.


We planned a surprise meeting with our family. They only thought that one person was coming, but what they didn’t know was that brothers that they hadn’t seen in 28 years were about to show up. It had been so long that they didn’t even recognize them. As the cameras rolled, we saw them try to figure out who they were and when they realized it was their brothers, it was nothing but love and amazement. We met cousins, uncles, nephews, and nieces. They cooked for us and we captured all of it on film. The climactic moment came when we did the final interview with the brothers and they expressed how they felt. It was such an emotional moment that you had no choice but to break down and give in to the moment. Tears of happiness, sadness, guilt, pain, anguish, and hope fell from the eyes of our family. The reality of the situation hit like a ton of bricks. It is so easy to be oblivious when you don’t see something, but when you do, no longer can you deny the truth. It was hard to see the heinous conditions that a family member has to endure and seeing that fueled a desire to be of help from everyone. A desire to maintain consistent communication rose up within us all. A desire to know that you are doing your part in helping someone’s future, developed. I can truly say that though it’s been 28 years, timing is everything, and this was when it was meant to happen. I know my grandfather is smiling down on us now with such joy that everything has come full circle.


For about an hour on the way back to our hotel, it was quiet. Everyone was in their own moment of reflection. At the end of the day, it made everyone better, even those who weren’t related.


Well, before I continue to go on and on, I’ll stop here. A word of wisdom before I go, don’t wait for time, because it won’t wait for you. Whatever you have to do or whatever you can do, do it now.

See you tomorrow...





Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Haiti- Day 1- Reality Check

Extreme heat. Loud music. People grabbing for your things to help you. Unfamiliar faces. Utter CHAOS. This is what I walked into as I exited the plane for my very first arrival in Haiti. I was nervous and scared searching for the familiar faces of my family with the same anxiety of a child who’s lost it’s mother in a grocery store. After a short while, I found them and I breathed a sigh of relief. The number of people who were outside the gate waiting for you was enamering. There were people asking for my things and as frustrating as it was because I was scared, for them it was all about survival. The images on CNN and every other news station were no longer images that I could turn off with the press of a power button….I was now in the midst of it. My family and I came to Haiti to film a documentary showing the devastation, aftermath, culture, and resilience of the Haitian people. We came, especially at this time, to be an example and bring awareness to the fact that even though your local news stations have stopped showing the devastation, doesn’t mean that it has ended. My uncle along with the rest of us came down as the i2BELIEVE family, his non-profit organization, to show that we too believe that this country can be rebuilt again. They came a few days before me so they were able to visit the mass graves where thousands of bodies were dumped after being burned and ‘buried’. They also visited some tent cities and did interviews with the people of the tent cities. The National Palace was also a historical stop as a part of the documentary. My first stop was impromptu soccer game with kids. Though the organization is for the benefit of everyone, we really want to cater to the future of the country by being mentors and of assistance to the children. The kids were so happy and well- behaved. We played soccer with them, gave them a new soccer ball for them to share amongst each other, and gave them candy. They were so happy. 


My next stop was an orphanage for the kids who’s parents were no longer alive. The minute I got out of the car, they all came up and hugged me. Every single last one of them were so happy to see someone and would run in and out peaking around corners, smiling, and disappearing again. They were very well-mannered and so happy for what they had, which wasn’t much. The conditions of the orphanage were horrendous. There were two rooms for the kids and a room that most people would have to themselves, housed 15 boys in one room and 15 girls in another. There was a small kitchen with no stove and a small room with a blackboard to teach the kids in. The kids are each other’s family and are as young as they are, are helping to raise each other. There was a 1 yr old baby there and the 7 year old was the one carrying him around and they do it as if it’s second nature. At the end of the visit, we spoke to them, gave the orphanage some things, and gave the children candy. They were so happy and appreciative. One thing that I’ve noticed is that, though they need so much more, they are kids, and therefore still are happy with the simple stuff, like candy.


Later on, we were having drinks and talking about the trip thus far. We were talking to a doctor who had been here since a week and a half after the earthquake and he was telling us his experience thus far. Of course, it’s been like none other he’s had before, and he’s experienced a lot of the culture. He’s seen the rapid death of patients in the ICU unit and the frustration of the Haitian people. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not getting as much help as you’d think. There are still a lot of places that have been untouched and those people are going hungry for days on end. Rubble is still everywhere, the tools that people have are brooms and a small shovel that you’d probably use to plant your spring garden. A lot has been done, but more hasn’t. The people are frustrated with the fact that aid groups are starting to leave and there’s still so much that remains. Of course with the frustration comes tension and with tension comes anger and with anger comes action…and it’s usually negative actions. Gangs are forming and places are getting more dangerous to where simply passing through there is discouraged. Like the violence that occurred afte hurricane Katrina, violence will soon follow due to the desperation and anger from the lack of necessary attention to the country.


This is just day 1 and there’s more to come! Though there was a lot that shocked me and a lot of disheartening things that I saw, I want to end on a good note. The thing that I noticed later on as I looked from the rooftop of my hotel is the joy. Yup, you read it right, joy. Despite it all, there was loud music playing in the streets, people out talking, laughing, and dancing, and selling their business items. Basically, they were living life and moving on. It made me happy to see the strength of my people.  See you tomorrow!




Until next time ...keep the forward movement...

First Few Moments in Haiti

Wheeeeeew!!!!!!  The first few moments were crazy!!!!!!  Check it out below and stay tuned for my wrap-up to day 1!

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Haiti Documentary!

I was given the opportunity to go to Haiti with a non-profit organization called i2BELIEVE to be a part of a documentary about the devastation and current state of Haiti and I decided to go.  I was anxious and scared, but also excited.  It was my very first time ever in Haiti and I decided to share my journey with all of you.  I hope that as you read, you'll be touched by my journey as I was.  Enjoy!



Until next time...keep the forward movement...