Romance Lives On...

Some say romance is dead, but I disagree.  I think it's very much alive and well, it just depends on how important it is to you.  A few weeks back, I sat and listened to some of the older people in my family talk about their childhood.  One of the things they mentioned was courting.  One of the men in the room discussed writing a letter and leaving it on the porch of the young lady he liked.  His face lit up at the memory.  A woman in the room brought up a tape of love songs she received and how special that made her feel.  Another one of the men, mentioned carrying his girlfriend's groceries to her home every time she went.  There was such an overwhelming sense of love in that room.  I wanted to take it and wrap myself up in it like a warm blanket.  As I left that function with my family, it made me wonder how important romance is.

From the conversations I've had, my generation believes in it as well.  When conversing with my friends, oftentimes, it's the small, thoughtful, and romantic things that we women crave.  When we talk about the sweetest things we've ever experienced, it usually falls along the lines of a sweet gesture that is so impactful it lingers on the mind, for days, months, years, and sometimes, forever.  Some people, especially women, find it so simple to be romantic and do those type of things, but from what I've observed, a lot of men don't know what to do.  The same thing goes for women as well.  I'm going to share 3 of my thoughts/ideas for both sides.  Fellas: this is what I want.  I can honestly say that a lot of women would probably appreciate the same, but don't assume because everyone is different.  Ladies: this is what I would do or have already done, but just like I said to the guys, everyone is different, so taylor my suggestions to the person you're with. 

Fellas: 

• Flowers never hurt.  Every now and then, you'll find a woman that doesn't like them, but for the most part, women will love this.  I know I do. 
• Personally, I appreciate a nice card.  Of course, you have to write something thoughtful in it....don't just leave it to Hallmark, lol.  This is especially effective if you're not physically close to them.  A card can't take the place of you being there, but it's a wonderful thing to receive something as simple as a card to remind you that you're missed and in someone's thoughts.
•  Maybe it's the result of having read too many romance novels, but setting the scene screams romance.  I've always craved a man who would fill a room full of candles, flowers, soft music, and other 'stuff' lol.  To have someone go through that preparation to make sure that you are amazed, means a lot.  It's the little things...and you when you combine a whole bunch of little things, it adds up to something major.  It'll also be something that she will never forget.

Ladies:

• Guys like nice things too.  Sometimes, we forget that and assume because they're men, that we can't gush all over them.  We can....just in our own way.  For example, you can make dinner, light some candles, and change into something that he'll appreciate, lol.  It's simple, but sweet.
• Guys are usually responsible for paying and planning, but we can do it too.  You wouldn't imagine how happy they'd be if you told them that you were taking them out to dinner.  It allows them to relax and be taken out and treated for once and they appreciate it.  If you want to take on the task of planning something, then go ahead!  They'll love that too.
• Romance comes in all forms and helping them with one of their many tasks can be quite sexy too.  Oftentimes, women try to get out of the way of what their guy is doing, but I know for a fact, that he'll appreciate you helping him and being a part of his team.  To up the romance factor, treat him to a relaxing massage after the two of you are done.

Everyone deserves to be treated well, and it should be easy to do when you really care about someone.  With all that happens in life, it's comforting to know that there's someone who'll take the little things into account to make you feel special.  From generation to generation, whether it's done by a collection of love songs on a tape, a romantic dinner, or an international excursion, it will never, ever, go out of style. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Birds of a Feather...

Growing up, my parents were very particular about who I spent my time with.  They observed all of my friends and if there was one that they felt wasn't a good influence, I was no longer allowed to be around them.  It was just that simple.  For years, I'd be so upset everytime they did this because in my eyes, there was nothing wrong and whatever it is that they did, could never affect me.  I'd always been very independent and marched to the beat of my own drum, so no one could make me do anything.  What they always knew and what I was unaware of at the time was that despite how strong you are, you're never too strong to fall victim to the characterstics and mindsets of the people you spend a lot of time with.  

The first time, I really understood what my parents had been saying all along was in highschool.  I was attending a new school and had a new set of friends.  Before I knew it, I was mimicking one of them in the way they spoke and phrases they said.  The quiet and shy girl that I used to be was no longer and although some aspects of the change was good, all of it was not.  Not until someone pointed it out as I was doing it, and not until it was clearly too late, did I realize that I had picked up some of her bad habits.  In college, the same thing happened.  The person, I was freshman year, completely changed by junior year.  I joined an organization and adopted their way of thought.  Everyone progresses throughout their life and definately in college, but there is a difference between progressing naturally on your own and progressing through the adoption of the characterstics of the people you spend your time with.  Depending on who they are, can make or break you.

The most recent experience was last week.  I've been working on a project with a group of people.  Overall, the group dynamic is pretty good, but there is this one person who emotes a lot of negative energy and it's so thick that you can cut it with a knife.  It doesn't affect me because I don't pay that individual any attention, but her attitude was affecting other people though.  Last week, she was away.  What was supposed to be a hectic week, ended up being the most fluid and fun in a long time. I noticed the change amongst my group members, especially one of them, almost instantaneously.  Throughout the week, more and more people mentioned how great the week was going and no one, really mentioned why, but I knew, without them saying it, that it was the person who was missing, that made the group dynamic as a whole, more pleasant.  The same girl, who was affected the most by this girl's absence came to me at the end of the week and said "I had no idea how much one person's negativity can affect me so much.  I almost didn't even notice it in myself until this week."  She sat back and reveled in her "aha" moment. 

With all that has happened, it reminded me how important it is for me to surround myself with the RIGHT people.  The people who will only help me progress and who are on the path that I'm on whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, or financially.  My pastor always closes out his sermons with this saying: "the people you run with are the people you become."  Not only have I heard this at church, but I've also heard it at an endless number of business conferences that I've attended.  One of the sayings that a millionaire I know says is this: "you are a sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with."  When you think about this, do you like who you surround yourself with?  Are these the people who are on the same upward bound path that you are or are they even more successful than you?  If not, you may want to re-assess your connections.  This doesn't mean you should drop your friends and family, lol, but when it comes to the people you choose to devote important and productive time to, you may want to make wiser choices.  I always think of the phrases "guilty by association" and "birds of a feather flock together." It may not be fair, but it's a reality.

As you live each day, remember to surround yourself with those who bring about the positive in every form.  It will not only help propel you to the next level, but will also help mold you and put you in the position to help others.

Below is an awesome video of motivational speaker Les Brown speaking on exactly what this blog is about.  I couldn't have a found a more perfect video and way to end this entry.





Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Flaws & All...

Earlier today, I had a conversation that left me thinking about some things. Why is it so hard for people to accept their flaws?  Why is it that once a flaw is mentioned, people automatically go into defense-mode and immediately start pointing out the other person's flaws?  Maybe it's because, in accepting your flaws, you're spotlighting the negative parts of you and admitting that you're not perfect.  Now everyone knows they're not perfect, but there's something about highlighting your imperfections that is sometimes painfully uncomfortable.  It's even worse when your view of yourself may not be the same view that others are receiving.  Often times, the way you may envision yourself is not what you are really giving off and is the not the way people see you.  Sometimes it takes someone holding a mirror to you to see everything. That 'fun-house' view may not be what you thought you'd see.  How does one make it easier to accept this view?  I'll let you know what I think. 

Acceptance is tough, but freeing.  Fighting your reality is more exhausting. Accepting it may be uncomfortable,  but at least it puts you in the position to begin the process of changing the negative into a positive.  The first step to working on and eventually changing your flaws, is to list them.  For example, some of my flaws (and this is tough to admit, believe me), are that I can be moody, a little icy, picky, shy, judgemental, and too structured.  Writing that, admitting it, seeing it, and putting it out there for all to see is much more difficult then it appears, but it is what it is.  Change isn't easy, but it's worth it.  


So what do I do now?  What will you do after you list and admit yours?  Well, what I did, because I've already started, is wonder where that characteristic stems from and why I may sometimes project it.  When you start figuring this out, it'll be easier to get rid of it.  Also, I monitor myself a lot.  At first, it's difficult because you'll act and then think, but after a while, you'll get to the point where you will catch yourself before you exhibit your flaw.  Eventually, you'll change.  Take it day by day, and moment by moment.


At the end of the day, you're not going to be perfect.  You'll still have your moments that aren't so great.  The ultimate goal is to create a better version of you.  If you stay true to yourself and remain genuine, you'll be happy and loved...flaws and all....


Beyonce couldn't have said it any better...enjoy.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

8 Qualities of a Wealthy Woman

This weekend I decided to organize and go through some things and figure out what I needed to keep or throw away.  As I was going through my papers, I ran across this sheet that had the notes I jotted down from a Suze Orman special that I was watching. The show dealt with her discussing the 8 Qualities of a Wealthy Woman.  I immediately perked up because A. I'm a woman and B. I'm grooming myself to be a wealthy woman.  What I loved about this list was the fact that it embodied ways to be wealthy that had nothing to do with finances.  Of course, when one thinks of or wants wealth, money is a component, but true wealth encompasses much more than just the financial aspect.  It's been at least 2 years since I've had this list, so although I have all 8 key qualities, I can't remember exactly how she elaborated on each point.  I have my own perspective though and you know I'm willing to share.

 

1. Harmony & Balance:  Too much of anything, no matter how good it is, will end up being bad.  We as women, tend to give a lot to everything and end up being unbalanced, frustrated, neglectful to ourselves, and unfulfilled.  Sometimes, in your quest to be everything to everyone, everytime, you lose yourself.  In doing that, everything you do will eventually crumble, because that type of behavior can't last forever if you expect to be successful.  Harmony and balance will cause you and everything that you do to work together and for the greater good.  When you're complete, content, and balanced within yourself, you can be and do so much more.

2. Courage: It takes a lot to accomplish all that you desire, especially in the so-called "man's world."  Let's be real, although women have made many strides, we are still being paid less and it still takes more effort to be heard than the opposite sex.  It's not right, but it's the reality.  Knowing this, we have to be courageous in the things that we do.  It may not always be easy or comfortable, but when you step out on faith, and use the strength and courage that every woman naturally embodies, there's nothing that you can't do!

3. Generosity:  "It's always better to give than receive."  I'm sure you've heard that saying before.  Yes, it's always nice to be given something, but there's a special joy that only comes with giving.  One of the ways we women love is by giving of ourselves whether it be through the giving of life by birthing our children, to the giving of our time and support by being there for friends and family, or by giving of ourselves physically to our lovers.  Everything for us, in every form, is a gift and the biggest blessings occurs to givers and those who are genuinely selfless. 

4. Happiness:  Everyone wants to be happy.  Your happiness directs your attitude and actions.  When you aren't happy, you display it in your body, your conversations, and your overall presence.  You do less whether it's for yourself or others.  It affects your productivity and perspective.  In a nutshell, happiness is important.  Do whatever it takes (legal of course, lol) to make yourself happy.  That means that you may have to say no to people and things.  I know it's hard, but it'll be for the best in the long run.  When you claim your happiness, your true happiness that no one is control of, you build a better you.

6. Cleanliness:  I don't know about you, but for me, I feel so much better in a cleaner atmosphere.  The way you look or the way your home, car, or any other belonging looks is a direct reflection of you.  I know everyone does things different, but no one can argue with the fact that being clean is better.  It's also been said that your surroundings are reflective of what's going on in your life and can have an effect on your attitude.  All in all, keep it clean ladies!!!!

7. Beauty:  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so we don't and won't all look the same, however, we can't deny the power that looking good has on us.  When a woman looks good, she feels good.  It's just that simple.  Everything could be going great in our lives, but we will feel incomplete if we don't think that we look our best.  It's amazing what getting our hair done, our nails done, or a new outfit can do.  When you're confident in the way you look, you exude self-confidence, focus more, and will put your best foot forward!

8. Wisdom:  Wisdom is defined as "the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action."  Above all else, this is probably the most important quality.  If you lack wisdom, you lack the ability to make good decisions, and it will affect everything you do in life.  Think about it.  Everything is a decision from the moment you get up to the moment you go to sleep.  Everything is a choice, and although it may seem monotonous and uneventful, making the wrong choice can set some things into motion that may change your life for the worst.  Being able to be wise and use good judgement will propell you to the heights of your success, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially.

I am happy to say that I embody a lot of these, and the ones that I don't, I'm working on.  Little by little, I'll evolve into that "wealthy woman."  You have the ability to do so as well.  Take it day-by-day and before you know it, you'll be wealthy too!!!

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Forgive Quickly

Lately I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness.  For some reason, that word keeps lingering in my spirit.  In a world where life changes in an instant, you would think it's something that's done often, but it's not.  I must admit, it's something that I don't do well or often enough.  Forgiveness is one of the harder things to do.  It's so much easier to hold on to things. Late last week, I started thinking about why it is that I hold on to things.  I went back to my childhood and realized that I'd always been this way.  I just held on to things and never really let them go.  I thought that I Iet them go by repressing them, but I always held on to them deep down.  As I wondered why, I realized that I either wasn't truly forgiving people or would just hold on to it by habit.  When I look back on certain situations or rifts I've had, they weren't as big of a deal as I ended up making them.  By holding on to them, I made them a much bigger issue. 

I've decided to really work on not only forgiving, but forgiving quickly.  Time has the chance to help or hurt a situation and I believe that by learning to forgive quicker, a lot of snow-ball situations can be avoided.  It will help to stregthen your relationships whether it be with family, friends, or lovers.  Not too long ago, I was reading an article that was giving tips on things you need to work on before getting married.  Coincidentally, forgiving quickly was on the list.  The author explained that when you're married and living with someone everyday, you can't stay upset for a long period of time like you could with a boyfriend/girlfriend.  The stakes are higher in marriage and if you want it to be successful, you have to genuinely forgive and move on.  Otherwise, things will build and eventually, topple over.  I hadn't thought about that, but it made so much sense.  I also applied that to other relationships as well.  If you think about your great friendships and relationships overall, the ones that last aren't perfect, but you have your issues, deal with them, and move on.  Overall, the relationship is stronger and lasts longer.


Above all, forgiveness is ultimately for yourself.  Often times, when you're upset or carrying around anger, you'll find that the person you're angry with appears to be happy.  Whether they are harboring the same feelings or not, they clearly have made the decision not to allow anything to keep them from enjoying their lives and continuing on their path.  Holding on to things only keeps you down, not the person you're mad at.  It frees you and ultimately, you'll feel better.  Just  yesterday, I practiced letting go and forgiving.  For a moment, after a not-so-nice discussion with someone, I threw away my plans for the day.  Then I took a moment and thought about it.  No matter what, it wasn't going to interefere anymore with me then it already had.  I let go and enjoyed my afternoon.  Forgiving quickly isn't something that will hapen overnight.  It's a change that's taken in baby steps that will eventually change you overall and helped you be more fulfilled with others...and yourself.  I urge you to try it, situation by situation, and before you realize, it'll be part of the newer, more forgiving you.


Until next time...keep the forward movement...