Asking for too Much?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking to a male friend about relationships.  Somehow the conversation turned to the oxymoron of the requests of many people in relationships nowadays.  I'll be honest: relationships are not this generation's strong suit.  We're in and out of them as often as we change our underwear.  A lot of relationships aren't having the lasting power that we'd like or that we thought it would.  I often think of older relationships that didn't need nor require all that we ask of it now...and a lot of them are still around.  Why is it that this generation needs so much to attempt to be successful in a relationship? 

I once heard Steve Harvey discussing a reason why he thinks relationships are more difficult now.  Back then, there was nowhere near as much access to people in the world as there is now.  As he said, the person in the house you could walk to was your forever, lol.  Nowadays, people can pretty much contact anyone they want anytime.  There's always that yearning of "maybe there's someone better out there for me."  With that mindset, whomever you choose to share your time with, at that moment, doesn't have a fair shot...and neither does that relationship.

Many people are caught up in the fiction that lies inside of television on both spectrums.  Whether you watch the class act that is The Jersey Shore or the lets-be-real, oh so romantic, Bachelor, people subconsciously are expecting those types of unions.  Those who arent mentally strong enough, will look for what they see ignoring, the fact that their favorite psuedo-relationship ends with a director yelling "cut!"  Things and people aren't always as they seem.

People need to put aside their hang-ups and put themselves on the table.  Being real, as much as it's celebrated, is a hard thing to do.  To become vulnerable with someone you care about, isn't an easy feat,  but it will have the best outcome.  That is what will truly benefit the man and woman involved.  A lot of the relationships now are missing the foundational things.  If someone looks good and they have X, Y, and Z, people believe that they are good to go.  The person that looks great on paper, however, may not be the one for you.  

My thoughts: the same way that you invest in things you love or believe in, invest in your relationship...and from the ground up.  Treat it like it your very own baby.  Love it, cherish it, nurture it.  The basics of getting to know someone and forming a relationship are still just as important as the gold stars that a person comes with. 

Live. Laugh. Love.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Rated: ADULT...The Big Ohhhhhhhh

Orgasm: the physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ and usually accompanied in the male by ejaculation. I find it so interesting that in the main definition it only includes what it looks like for men. True, you can see a man's ejaculation, but women orgasm too....or do we?

I saw an article on Essence.com about a young lady that faked her "finish" (You can view this article here) and it got me thinking about why a lot of women do that. Now, this is a topic that is consistantly on the tongues of women across the country and still, so many women are allowing men to believe that they're doing something they're not. My friends and I discuss it all the time and find that with maturity and comfort within yourself, your views and actions become better. Here are a few reasons why I believe women let this happen.

• Men are fragile....and although some of them may be offended by this, it's true. As strong as men are, deep down, they tend to be as sensitive if not more than women. I've heard alot of women say "he's great and it feels good, but I'm not getting all the way there." They're too afraid to tell the man that assuming that he will get angry.

• A lot of women have never had an orgasm , so they don't even know what they're looking for. How can you tell your man what to do, if you don't know and have specific ways to tell him? Men need concrete instructions and you need to be to be able to tell him without him having to guess. Take the time to learn what you want and love and teach him the way. I'm sure this will be the best learning experience he's ever had :).

• Many women are settling. Whether they want to admit or not, some women are content in their lack of orgasm and only consider the man's pleasure...and ladies...that simply isn't fair. Being intimate with someone is built for enjoyment from BOTH sides and it's the most amazing at the point when two people are satisfied.

Ladies, a man who cares about you, will care about pleasing you as well, sometimes, more than pleasing himself. If expressed with care and respect, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he takes you exactly where you need to be :).

What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you've ever been in this situation? Ladies, sound off!


Until next time...keep the forward movement...