I had a really interesting conversation with a male friend of mine a few nights ago. I must say, it was pretty disheartening and by the end of it, I was angered. After giving it much thought, I decided not to allow the beliefs of anyone to infiltrate my mind and question my own. It began with us updating each other on the past few months of our lives. Some way or another we came to the topic of men, women, and sex. To make a long story short, one question sparked the debate. I asked him if he respected women who he became intimate with very quickly. He responded by saying that when he was younger he used to think negatively of them, but as he got older he didn't feel that all of them were 'easy' and that even if he did, they could very well say the same thing about him. I reminded him that there is a negative stigma that is only associated with women in the terms of having a lot of sexual partners or having sex with someone quickly. Right or wrong, men are not judged in the same light. He understood and agreed, but disclosed to me that if a woman doesn't sleep with him within 3 times of them spending time together, he doesn't really want to be bothered with her.
I started laughing really hard because I knew it was a joke and he is a hilarious person, but for the first time, he wasn't joking, and when I realized that, I wasn't laughing. I asked him again to be sure and he said the same thing. I even gave him an example with a short time line and sure enough by the time the third date came around, in his mind, sex needed to be there. His explaination was that if the physical chemistry that he desired wasn't there, he wanted nothing to do with her and he needed to find out very early. Wow! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We'd been friends for so long and I'd never dealt with him in anything other than a platonic relationship, so I had no idea he actually thought in such an offensive way. I quickly told him that he should be glad he never saw me that way because that would have never worked with me.
I began to tell him how asinine and offensive his thinking was. I told him that I understood that most men don't and won't wait forever, but a woman who doesn't become intimate with you by the third date is definitely not a bad thing. I for one, have a lot of standards not only for someone, but especially for myself and I take being intimate with someone very seriously. It's not something I take lightly or do easily. He responded by saying that most men will not wait or want to deal with that and a lot of woman will be single because they choose to be selective. I even reaffirmed that a lot of women don't make men wait as part of a game, but to make sure that they're ready and that they want to share themselves with this particular person. He wasn't buying it though. He stuck with what I believed to be his ignorant and sexist thought. He told me I was being sensitive and that I needed to get over it, and even started pointing out reasons why I felt the way I did as if something was wrong with me! I. was. seething! I told him that nothing has to be wrong with me or any other woman who sets standards for herself or others and nothing is wrong with the men who can wait and appreciate a woman like that. Before, I really lost it, I ended the conversation.
As I sat there, aghast, replaying the conversation in my mind, I decided to let my anger go. It was so unimportant. The thoughts and opinions of the foolish will not cause me to question or change mine. I know plenty of men who appreciate the woman that I am and the respect that I have and that type of man, is the only one that matters. The man I marry will truly be the only that matters and the one that will appreciate the manner in which I carry myself. Tonight as I write this, I'm empowered by my own strength and am happy with the decisions that I make and the standards that I have set for myself. I won't be embarrassed and won't question my actions because I've allowed someone to dictate them to appear a certain way. I can be and am an example for myself, other women my age and older, younger girls, my future children and future generations and that's awesome!
For the men out there, if you agree with my friend, you will only find those type of women and good luck with that, because I'm sure that won't be great in the end. To the the men out there who can respect and appreciate a woman with standards....thank you for reminding us that you're not all the same. Most importantly, to my ladies, always stay strong in your convictions and don't allow what others think or believe to direct what you think, what you believe, or who you are.
I'll leave with a beautiful song by Alicia Keys called "A Woman's Worth." The title explains it all. Ladies, don't forget yours....
Until next time....Keep the forward movement....
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