Break Time

If you're anything like me, you want to be everything to everyone.  You bend over backwards to make sure that everyone is pleased.  Whether it takes you away from your personal projects or dare I say sanity , you do it anyway.  If you finally have a moment, where you feel like saying "no" or taking a break, you feel badly about the person(s) you aren't helping even though you're barely hanging on yourself.  Your issues take a back seat and you go full force to assist everyone else in theirs, but when is enough, enough? 

Whenever I feel like taking a "time out", I feel bad because I think in some way I'm being selfish, but while I feel that, my mind also says "you can't be of service to anyone if you're a mess yourself," and that puts things into perspective for me.  In order to be the best me I can be, and be great for others, I must be great to myself, and sometimes that means taking the solitary time to figure things out.  Whether it be through prayer, meditation, shutting your phone off, or going away somewhere, you must take the time to close yourself off to all things and people, and make sure you have yourself together....and if you don't, use the time to get yourself together.

The last few days, I've taken the time to think, focus, and pray.  Those are the only things that I did, other than what I absolutely had to do, and it's been quite refreshing.  It's helped me to push out the negative and focus on the positive.  You see, taking a break isn't supposed to be hurtful or negative.  It's supposed to be enlightening and refreshing. When you do it the right way, with the right intentions, it will refuel and catapult you into a better frame of mind and further directions.

Go forth, refuel, take a break, and relax... 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Why do we fear the things we can't control?

Why do we fear things that we can't control?  I'm literally sitting here on a
flight and this is what comes to mind immediately for me after my most recent
dramatic performance when we were having some turbulence.  FYI, I LOVE to travel!  I just love experiencing new places and even if it's not new, I love the brief getaway from my day-to-day.  As much as I love to travel though, I'll admit that I'm not a fan of flying.  Actually, I'm pretty scared of it.  Because I  have people to see and things to do,(lol) I take myself through the torture without thinking about it.  A few minutes ago, I was grabbing whoever was sitting in 25D, and now I'm writing about it.  After I finished my dramatic piece, award winning I might add (lol), stopped sweating, and returned to my regular breathing pattern, I started wondering why it is that we fear the very things we have absolutely no control over.  Is it the lack of control or the possible outcome that we clearly don't want?  Even though I know that this thought wouldn't make me feel any better, it didn't stop me from having it: if this plane really went down, what the hell could I possibly do to change that?  The answer is NOTHING.  That truth didn't do a thing for my racing heart, but it definetly spoke to my mind. Flying is scary for a lot of people so I know a lot you understand how I feel.

We can apply fear to many parts of our lives. You fear the possibility of so many things that it keeps you from fulfiling your God given destiny.  A lot of the things that we fear are so infrequent, but we let the mere thought of them scare us away.  What's worse is, it can and often does immobilize us.  If you stop and think about how little contol you truly have over the inevitable, you
start living your life with much more gusto and reach heights you never dreamed of.  By overcoming fear, you'll find yourself more successful and find things less scary.  Last year, I came across a website and the lady who it belonged to happened to be a public speaking coach.  I've been told many times that I have the gift of gab and would be a great speaker, but believe it or not, I can be pretty shy.  I started thinking of all the things that I wanted to accomplish and knew that speaking publically would be something I'd need to fall in love.....and so I did. I had to write an essay and send in a video explaining why I should be chosen. That was the part that made me uneasy, but I knew that I had nothing to lose so I entered and whaddya know, I won! I was sooooo excited and glad to be making steps toward improving myself. Below is my entry video.......



I'll let u finish laughing....done?....this was my last video 3 1/2 months
later......



Not quite as humorous huh?, lol....that's because I conquered my fear! I didn't
allow it or a possiblity of anything, especially something I had no control over,
keep me from moving forward. Whether I tried it or not, the contest would've
gone on with or without me. A smart someone would've reaped all that I
had....luckily for me, I was that smart someone :). Not only did I increase my
skillset, but I mastered it enough to be able to instruct others as well. That
small step of faith and away from fear, turned into a gift that I can keep on
giving.  

Remember, you can control nothing outside of yourself, and even after a few
'spirits', you barely do that, lol. What you can control is your actions and
reactions.....so do just that. Act out of faith and not out of fear.
 



Until next time....keep the forward movement.....

A "First Place Girl"

A good friend of mine sent a link to me last night and I didn't see it until this morning.  When I read this article, I couldn't helped but laugh, and not because it was funny, but because it was so true and I could completely identify with it.  I'm going to make this short and sweet....I'm going to try at least, lol.  Ladies, I know that we all have that one guy who is THAT GUY.  We put up with things from him that we'd never thought we would or that we'd slay someone else for.  Because he is the man you love, you put up with bulls***...and frankly, it's not fair.  You love him though, so you give chance after chance, hoping that he finally gets it.  Before you know it, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years.  He's the only one you want to be with so you close yourself off to other men.  You negatively dissect yourself to less than nothing because there just HAS to be something wrong with you, otherwise he'd be with you.  You do whatever he likes and chooses him before yourself and in your mind, that's further proving how much you love him and what a catch you are, but he still hasn't caught you.  Hell, he hasn't picked you up enough to be able to drop you.  Inevitably, you have forgotten to put yourself in FIRST place. 

My advice to you is to keep yourself open.  It's not fair to close yourself off to possible suitors.  No your feelings for that man don't go away, but you two aren't together and trust and believe that he isn't acting like you two are together either, so you need to do the same.  I understand your natural desire to act 'committed' and only see him, but do your best to remain open.  The last few weeks, I've thought of my past relationships and someone special and although I love that man, I'm not committed to him or anyone else and gave myself the same advice....and did just that.

Regardless of your feelings for someone, if nothing has changed, (i.e. the status of the two of you together), then you have to change.  It doesn't diminish your feelings for him or is in any way reflective of how you feel,  but it shows that you acknowledge the reality and are now choosing YOU instead of him.  If you're meant to be with him, God will mend that relationship in due time, and in your season of love, but until then, DO YOU.  The last few weeks, allowing myself to be courted has reminded me of my great qualities that I've forgotten.  It reminded me of how much I was wanted.  There was no beating around the bush or me "guestimating" how they felt, because they told me.  At the beginning, men will tell you in order to ensure that they get you, but oftentimes, it dissipates and you rarely hear it.  It was weird because this amazing and phenomenol woman that was being described was ME!  It revitalized me and my thoughts of who I am... and it felt damn good!

There's a great article on making yourself a "First Place Girl" (Click here to read this FAB article!)and this is what I read this morning that prompted me to write this entry.  You may not be coming in last, but if the man you love isn't putting you first, for whatever reason, you may as well be last because almost doesn't count.  One of my favorite quotes is "Love is just the beginning and love is not enough."  If you take the time to really understand this quote, you'll know exactly what it means.  Think of highly of yourself and act accordingly.  Eventually, you'll get that first place ribbon for the prize that you are.

Catch me if you can..... <3

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

I Want It All....and I Want It NOW....but TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

Timing is key.  How many times have you heard this?  At some point or another in life, you are destined to hear that it's not the right time.  The right time for what you ask?....for what you so desperately want.  It's weird how the things that you desire the most, are the ones that takes the longest to come to you...if they come at all.  I usually can hear the voice of my parents, and the elders of my family when I discuss my disdain for the very things that I want and don't have, and it usually says "it's not your time yet."  In the midst of my frustration, I refuse to understand it, even though I know it makes sense.  In the last few weeks, there have been little things that I didn't get exactly when I wanted and I'm  so grateful.


Almost a month ago, I signed up for an event.  Every time I tried to solidify those plans, something came up.  It really started to irritate me because things kept getting in the way of me committing to that event.  I didn't know it then, but a few weeks later, I ended up purchasing a ticket out of state for another engagement that was more important.  I was so happy that I hadn't committed to that event because it would've made things more difficult for me. It just wasn't the right TIME....

Last week, I purchased a new bed.  I was also making plans to go to Mexico. I found a great deal on a luxury hotel and immediately wanted to book it.  "A deal like this won't last longer than a minute," I said to myself, so I reached for my wallet.  To my surprise and terror, my card was missing.  I totally lost it, lol.  I've never lost my bank card before, so I panicked.  I called, cancelled it, and ordered a new one.  Once again, I found myself in a frustrated position because I wouldn't be able to get the hotel that day as I planned earlier.  For the rest of the day and night, I kept thinking of how I'd book my hotel regardless.  The very next day, a couple of friends who initially said they would go, asked me if I could push back the trip a few months.  Of course I obliged and it made more sense.  Sometimes, I can be a little impulsive and impatient :)...like I said earlier...I want it NOW, so I went off of what I was thinking at the moment.  After I agreed, I thought to myself "thank God I didn't book that resort!"  Because of the low rate, it would've been NON-REFUNDABLE!!!!  Once again, the feeling of gratitude crept across my spirit and I was so happy that I didn't just toss that money away.  It just wasn't the right TIME.....

I'm a sucker for technology.  I'm a blackberry feen but when the latest iphone came out with face talk, I was sold.  Though it was really hard, I'd come to terms with ending my relationship with my beloved blackberry.  I tried and failed THREE times when I went to pre-purchase it on the apple website.  I called AT&T several times, never got through, and within one day of the pre-purchase launch, they shut their website down to any sales for that phone.  I decided to leave it alone.  I figured, there were my signs as to why I should wait, but everytime I heard about it, I tried again.  Finally, after two weeks, I gave up and figured I'd let them get all the kinks out and then purchase it in a few months.  A few days ago, my brother called to rub it in my face how fabulous and superior his phone was to mine.  That fueled my desire to ignore all the other signs and purchase it later on this week.  On my drive home yesterday, I happened to check an email and low and behold, it was about my beloved iphone to be and.....it's RE-CALL!  I literally laughed out loud.  God must've been looking down at me, shaking his head, and saying "she is soooooo hard-headed."  Once again, I was shown that it clearly was not the time for me to purchase that phone and with that, I saved over $300.  Eventually, I will purchase it, but it just wasn't the right TIME...

My best friend and another very close friend of mine lost their parents within the last year.  Before all of that happened, they were making plans to move. You get to an age where you really need to start making adult moves which sometimes includes leaving your family and starting over in a new place.  For some reason, no matter how much they wanted and planned to leave, it never quite worked out for them and now they and I know.  They had to be there to spend the last precious moments with their loved ones.  They had to share laughs, stories, words of encouragement, and prayers.  They had to be there to bury them.  Coincidentally, they are both firstborns and me being a firstborn, understands all too well, the responsibility that we hold.  God allowed them to be a part of the last moments of lives that had formed them into the strong women that they are.  So even though, they were angry in the fact that things weren't going the way they wanted, it went exactly the way it needed to go. Any earlier than that just wasn't the right TIME:

Whether it be a smaller situation like not getting a new phone or missing a trip, to a bigger one like being with your perfect mate or sharing the last few moments with a loved one, everything happens at the PERFECT TIME....and it's not usually on your schedule.  All of the time, it's on God's time table and it's never at the wrong time.  Hindsight it 20/20 and you can see and understand things clearly.  The problem is that you're trying to see and understand while you're in the midst of things and for the most part, that is impossible.  In your times of frustration, impatience, and uncertainty, God's preparing you for whatever you desire.  Whether we admit it or know it, we're not always prepared for what we think we are.  Rather than receiving it whether it be a job, money, goal, or relationship, it's better that we get it when we are truly prepared so that we don't sabotage the gift in any form.


Know and truly believe that YOUR TIME IS COMING!  Enjoy the journey and take everything you need out of the preparation process.  If you do that, everything will fall into place because TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

In Love, Only YOU Have to Understand

I'm sure many of you know that this weekend Carmelo Anthony and his former fiancee Lala, got married.  All the blogs and websites kept congratulating them and saying things like "the eternal fiancee has finally snagged herself a husband" and other things along those lines.  At first, I laughed, but when I really thought about it, it stopped being funny, at least in that way.  For those of you who don't know, Lala and Carmelo have been engaged for 5 years, live together, and have a son together.  For years, people have been calling Lala stupid for being with him when it was so obvious (to them) that he was never actually planning on marrying her.  They even nicknamed her "the eternal fiancee".  It boggles my mind how so many people can make such deep judgements about someone they don't know.  I know that the media has it so that they're in your face every five seconds, so you may feel like you know them, but you don't.  Never once, did anyone give her the benefit of the doubt or even give him the benefit of the doubt as to why the conclusion of their union was taking so long.  Come to think of it, what's too long?  Who defines that?  The right time for someone to get married varries within each relationship and that time frame is for no one but the two involved to decide.

About six months ago, there were a few articles that Lala and Carmelo did that went in depth, for the first time, about their relationship.  He surprised everyone by saying that he's been ready to get married, but it's Lala who wanted to hold off because she wanted to be in the right place for herself before she became his wife.  Wow!  Who would've thought?  Usually, it's men who drag their feet when it comes to marriage, but she wanted to take her time and for a very good reason, I might add.  Often, men do this.  They make sure they're in the right position in life before they make such a committment.  I guess us women are always ready to some degree and usually before our counterparts.  Lala was smart enough to know and be secure enough in the love and life that the two of them created together, that she needed no one else's approval on her time frame, but her fiancee and God.  This really got me thinking.

There are so many relationships that don't make it because they let the words and opinions of others dictate their actions.  When dealing with love, trust your instincts, your heart, and your mind. NOONE, friends & family included, needs to understand the dynamics of your union except for you, your man/woman, and God. Pray about it & DO YOU.  You and your spouse will definetly have the last laugh.  You'll laugh all the way to alter and laugh through your wonderful life together because you trusted your partner, yourself, and most importantly God.

Congrats Lala & Carmelo!

Open Letter to the Ladies: When a Man Isn't Ready...

Ladies: When a man isn't ready....there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  Think about it....I'll let you take it in.  While you're doing that, fight your natural urge to think of all the things that force you to believe otherwise.  Believe me,  I understand your need to legitimize all the objections that you have in your mind to that statement, but doing that will only make things more hurtful when you do realize.  It'll bring you to a place where you're a couple who ends up always looking like this:

Within the last two weeks, two of my friends have had the very same thing happen in their relationships.  It's crazy how they mirrored each other living completely different lives and having completely different relationships.  They have been with their boyfriends for a long time and are at that pivotal moment in the relationship where you start to wonder "where is this going?"  Unfortunately for them, both of their men aren't where they need to be.  They're in that place where a lot of us find ourselves at one point or another: what is my purpose in life and how am I going to fulfill it?  The thing is, for men, this holds so much more weight.  Ultimately, he will have to oneday, be the head of a household.  Even if he chooses to never marry and/or have children, society doesn't respect a man who can't provide for at least, himself.  Even though we know this, our love and emotion for him never can fully understand or respect it.  We just don't get it.

Think about it.  Ladies, you know how we are.  We bend over backwards and do everything he asks.  We even do the things he doesn't ask for.  You practically play "future wife" hoping that he sees the humongous and quite heavy, invisible sign you're wearing that says "I'd be the perfect wife for you," lol.  Honestly, even though you care about or love that man, if you knew without a doubt that there was no future for the two of you, you'd go invest your time elsewhere.  After doing all of this....he still DOESN'T know!..*insert crazy and surprised face here*.  It can be as simple as him not knowing if he wants to be exclusive with you, to him not knowing if he wants to marry you. Now the frustration begins to mount and from that moment on, it never goes away.  Every single thing he says is mentally scrutinized because your insecurity levels rise.  You start thinking what else you can possibly do to make him see how great you are, how much you love him, and how many qualities you have that would make you a great future mate.  Tick, tock, tick, tock...yea, that's the time going by along with the decrease of your patience. You start to criticize and belittle yourself.  Many times, most women will think that something is wrong with them.  Maybe he doesn't like_____, or maybe I'm too______, or if I would've done_______, he'd want to commit/marry me. It just makes so much sense because what else could be holding him back? Well, in time, experience, and my vast number of conversations with many people, I've learned something that though hard to swallow, is the truth: it's not about you.  


Think about all the adult responsibilities you have now.  You take care of them daily and don't even stop and think about it.  Why?...because you were prepared for it.  You had your youth where you learned little by little to balance things and to deal with situations and responsibility accordingly. Therefore, by the time you reached your adulthood, you could handle your responsibilities fluidly. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you had to deal with all those things when you were a child?  Even moreso, think about if you had to handle the tasks and responsibilities of someone twice your age with twice the experience and twice the financial stability.  You would inevitably fail.  Why?...because you're simply not ready...and that ladies, is men.


It's not that they don't want you or that you're not good enough. It's that they're not ready and the smart ones know that if they do something that they aren't prepared for, they will undoubtedly FAIL.  I'm not talking about the men who play around because they are everywhere, but this is about the men who are getting themselves together for the future and who eventually want a mate.  Most of the time, we don't see that because we're so in love, but the euphoria that comes from being in love shuts it's eyes to reality.  Therefore, he'll go from the man who gave you everything, to the one who can't support you and/or your family.  He'll go from the man who was always so calm to the frustrated angry man who refuses to talk to you anymore.  Your frustration will lead you away from your sweet and supportive self to a nagging, unsupportive, and unhappy person.  Now if you had just waited until he was ready or until the time was right, it would be a completely different situation. Not only does the man have to be ready, but most importantly, God has to give you His green light.  Everything great happens in His perfect timing.  


Everyone has their own situation, relationship, and timing.  I ran across an article today on Essence.com about a lady who dated her husband for 17 years before they got married.  You can view that interesting article here.  Now let me go ahead and say, I am in NO WAY saying to wait forever for a man at all! In her case, 17 years for most people is ludicrous and personally, I don't think anyone deserves that much time.  No one man or woman is guaranteed forever, so you must follow your heart and trust your instincts.  What I found interesting about her story was that she finished by saying that it was worth the wait and things were so much better because he was READY.  Initially, he was in a bad place, unstable, and hadn't found himself.  By the time they got married, he was where he needed to be to be a great husband and a better father.  As much as I roll my eyes at her timeline, I can't help but understand the lesson learned.  Had she married that lost, confused, unstable, and angry man, that relationship wouldn't have had a chance at longevity, but because she waited, they're happily married.


Another part that I noticed in her story and in stories I've either heard or experienced is that her man never told her what he was thinking, so she was completely unaware that he really wanted to marry her, but needed to find himself first.  He just bottled it up.  Fellas, I know you aren't the greatest communicators, especially in comparison to us, but not saying anything is NO GOOD!  We don't know what you're thinking and if you keep us in the dark long enough, we'll end up latching on to some other man who is all too happy to shed some light.  In a nutshell, men need to find ways to communicate what they're thinking and feeling to the woman they love.  It doesn't have to be in the form of a two-hour conversation, but nothing, is eventually going to push us so far away from you that we're no longer within your reach.


Before I go, I just want to say, especially to the ladies that are reading this, listen to your mind, trust your heart, and follow your instincts because they will never lead you wrong.  We have a tough time giving men the benefit of the doubt because there are so many that do such negative things, but for every one man that's playing around, there's one that's a good man getting himself together in preparation for the beginning of his lineage and ultimately his legacy.


Whenever my Mr. Right is ready and asks me.....I'M READY... ;)



Until next time...keep the forward movement...