New Year, Same Me...but a little bit better... :)

When I think about this year, and so many occurrences that accompanied it, I find myself unable to verbalize anything. My mind is swarmed by the positive and negative and although I so desperately want to, my mouth won't allow all those emotions to come out...not all at once anyway. From the joyous occasion as a brand new life (my niece) in this world, to losing another family member, this year, has been a trying one....but I made it...and so did you. It's a MUST, that we remember that.

At the beginning of each year, we set out with a new determination that allegedly begins at the stroke of midnight. We've all done it, where we think "this is going to be the year." In one moment, everything will change. That huge opportunity that catapults you to a new stratosphere will instantly appear. That frog you've been kissing (ladies you know what I mean, lol) will automatically be your perfect prince. The heartaches and stressors will quickly dissolve and everything will be smooth sailing.


"Pop!" Did you hear that? That was your bubble bursting because that isn't reality. So often, these things that we expect to come out of thin air, and when they don't, there goes our New Year's resolution...and this usually happens on January 2nd. I often ask myself why it is that we do that. I used to do it myself, but the more developed I get, the more I realize that it's not about the time of the year or what you think should happen. It's about what you are DOING. It's about who you're BECOMING. It's about APPLYING the things that you have learned in order to propel yourself to where you want to be. It's about OPENING yourself up for the right person to love you. It's about CONTROLLING YOUR REACTION to the stressors of life instead of allowing them to control you. I have learned, in a short period of time I might add, that when you make a change, things change. I've also learned that depending on the New Year, without taking any personal responsibility will leave you exactly where you are. When you make moves, you determine the outcome of that "oh so important" stroke of midnight.




When I look back at this year, I realize something important. Things may have not been perfect, but I've made some definite moves in my life that I had never made before...and they continue to show up in my life in a great way. I'm an editor for an awesome publication called FEARLESS magazine (http://www.fearlessmag.com/) and I'm also a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH. These are only a couple of things that have transpired because I made the choices and legitimized them with my actions. I am where I am not because nothing bad happened this year but because I made a choice to jump over each hurdle that was in my way. Yes, we may get weary, but we must keep moving. God has given you and I so much more than some others and if you're struggling to find the reason why, use this moment of being able to read this, as one of your many blessings. Get up and get going! Live your life and take a hold of your destiny. Dream, believe, have faith, and keep moving. Don't allow any setbacks, at any time of the year, to detour you on your path of love, life, and success.
I'd simply like to close out by saying "thank you" to all of you who spend some time with me every week. Prior to this year, I had only written one post and that was back in 2007. At the beginning of this year, I committed to writing consistently and helping others at the same time. The text messages, facebook messages, and phone calls always solidify that my words are more significant than I could ever imagine. I pray for you all as we enter a new year filled with endless possibilities that depending on what you do with them, will signify where are you next New Year's Eve. I'm excited to continue to grow and enter a new year, being the same me...but a little bit better each time. :)


Happy New Year!

 

One Bad Apple...

One bad apple can ruin the bunch.  I'm sure you've heard this time and time again.  The saying explains how when one bad apple is with fresh ones, it will ruin the other apples as well.  The saying is absolutely true, but as I get older, I wonder to what exact degree.

As I look back on my childhood, I'm so thankful that I had parents who were stern enough to steer me away from things and people they knew would take me down a negative path.  Whether it be through fixing my incorrect vernacular or curving my newly learned, slightly absurd ideals, what angered me for being taken away, was ultimately for my good.  I look at myself now and see that if they would have allowed me to get comfortable in a bad place, I'd be in an even worse one.  You have to do that with children though.  Adults can follow those same rules, but children, especially, need that guidance and structure.  

I fasted forward to my adulthood and am now beginning to rethink the whole "bad apple" concept.  The adult version of this saying, that you'll most likely hear in the business world is "the top 5 people in your circle, determine how far you go."  Well, when you're not hanging out with mega business minds like Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki or well established moguls like Oprah or Jay-Z, what does that mean for you?  I kept thinking about that in terms of myself.   A lot of my friends are at the place that I'm in...grinding it out and burning many midnight oils.  Reaching for the place where we want to be, the things we want to achieve.  Already pondering the following moves and new goals that come with acquiring the success that we're still in route toward.  When I initially heard this quote, I started thinking that my top level friends, as much as I love them, weren't top level at all, not in the terms of the success that I wanted.  When that is the case, you have to become one of the top people in your circle and begin to adopt that mentality. 

I like to think that in an environment that tries to consistently stifle you or turn you into the next bad apple, you can be the one that rises out of the bunch and produces delicious fruit and bear seeds that produce more greatness. 

As you go through your days, and work toward your goals, continue to fight through the negativity and rise above your circumstances and surroundings.  Be the GOOD apple and commit to providing seeds for not only yourself, but for others too.

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Every. Single. Thought.

Everyone has heard time and time again that "thoughts are things." We create our reality by the constant thoughts that we have.  Knowing this is one thing, applying it is another.  Within the last few weeks, I've had so much going on...and unfortunately, some of it wasn't good.  With a death in the family and another person falling to illness, I had a lot on my plate.  The thing about me is, I notice my funk.  I notice that I'm not as happy, and am turning to the dark and negative side.  The moment I realize that, I work on going back to the positive side, which is taking the moment to see the good in everything that happens.  With this in mind, I decided to do something about it. 

I chose to do an experiment on myself.  I chose to see what would happen if I captured my thoughts.  The experiment was to become active in every single moment of my life.  You live in every single moment, but you're not always active in that moment.  Being active is about making the conscious choice to react positively with everything that comes to you.  If you stop to think before you react, and choose to make a decision that points you in a good direction, it will give you the power over allowing your thoughts to create a negative response.  

For one week, I monitored my thinking and every time I had a thought that veered to the negative side, I stopped and found the positive thing.  I took long breaths, and decided not to be mad.  I decided to focus on the things I had and the wonderful opportunities I was being blessed with vs. the things I didn't have and the opportunities I was upset over still having to wait for.  The more I did this, the more at peace I felt and the more empowered I was to know the control I have.  Since then, things have been smooth sailing, and not because there are no problems or shortcomings, but because I now rule over the negative instead of letting them rule me, my mindset, my attitude, and my future. 

Today, I urge you to take control of every. single. thought.  In doing that, you'll be controlling your life and your future. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Keep Pushing

You never know how much you can handle until you have to.  Within the last few weeks, a young woman from an organization I joined in college passed away, a week later, my great-grandmother passed away, and 3 days later, my grandmother had a stroke.  A few days later, my sister had a baby. That was the event that I used as my silver lining.  My days consisted of going to work and heading to hospitals and visiting different people.  I was exhausted.  Even when I got home, I'd lay across the bed with my eyes closed and console my friends and family in need.  At any time, especially a rough time, if I can be of service...even if it's simply listening...I'll do it...and so I did. 

I kept going and going and going until I ALMOST snapped.  I was falling asleep at times that I shouldn't have been, irritable, and falling behind on everything that I was doing.  One day, I had a friend who expressed how proud she was of me knowing everything that I was going through and how I kept pushing.  After I got off the phone with her, I got a second wind.  No matter how tired or frustrated, whether it be with family tragedies or life's personal obstacles, you always have to KEEP PUSHING.  "Your character isn't created in times of struggle, it's defined." 

I want to encourage you that in your times of struggle, KEEP PUSHING!  In doing that, you'll reach heights that you never have before!

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Where I Wanna Be....

"I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was, and I'm on my way to where I'm going to be."   This is one of the quotes that I often say when I'm not feeling too great about me.  It automatically puts things into perspective and almost has you feeling ashamed for not always realizing where you are....or more importantly, where you came from.  Earlier this year, I reconnected with a friend who I modeled with in college.  She is practically a sister to me so I fondly refer to her as 'sis'.   Anyway, being that we hadn't spoken in years, our "catch conversation" that was suppose to be a mere few minutes, developed into a 4 hour "what has gone on with you in the past few years" conversation.  Those are the best by the way.  Somehow, we began to refer to college days and our struggles at that time.  She discussed not having a car and then having one that she had to share that had no air conditioning.  We went to school in the south where the wind wouldn't be blow even if it meant you dying, lol.  As we discussed this, I rang in with the 89' hatch back toyota tercel that I had with the paint chipping, no air conditioning, and no radio.  I waited until evening to go out if I didn't absolutely have to, drove around with a cup of ice to keep my body temperature down, and listened to my discman (totally illegal by the way) so that I could have some music.  Go ahead.....I'll finish when you stop laughing :).  As my friend and I were swapping stories, we could barely get them out because of the laughing and tears streaming down our faces.  It is hilarious now but not so much back then.  At that moment, as we turned around to see where we were, we turned back around to see how far we've come. 

Over the weekend, I was at my university's homecoming and it was so good to see everyone.  Of course we had a blast and attended tons of events, but with that came several outfit changes and ridiculous heels all day everyday.  With the excessive stiletto wearing, comes at one point, the urge to throw fashion to the wind, and walk around barefoot, lol.  At one point I was in so much pain that I almost refused to walk anywhere else (yea right, like that was really an option.)  As I began to walk to the car, that was parked in another city as far as my feet were concerned, I decided that instead of focusing on the pain, I'd focus on each step until I got to the car.  At first, all I could think about was how much my feet hurt, but before I knew it I didn't focus on that so much as I did how much closer I was getting to the car.  See, I shifted my thinking and instead of seeing how far away I was from the car, I kept realizing how much closer I was getting with every single step.

Often, we get so caught in looking at how far we are away from the things we want to achieve, that we rarely look back to see how far away we are from the things that we so desperately wanted to get away from.  Believe me, I know it gets hard and it feels like things are so far from being how you'd like, but if you learn to equip yourself with the mindset of knowing where you came from and to keep pushing, you'll get that second wind every time you get tired from the race. 

Until next time...keep the forward movement...

Asking for too Much?

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of speaking to a male friend about relationships.  Somehow the conversation turned to the oxymoron of the requests of many people in relationships nowadays.  I'll be honest: relationships are not this generation's strong suit.  We're in and out of them as often as we change our underwear.  A lot of relationships aren't having the lasting power that we'd like or that we thought it would.  I often think of older relationships that didn't need nor require all that we ask of it now...and a lot of them are still around.  Why is it that this generation needs so much to attempt to be successful in a relationship? 

I once heard Steve Harvey discussing a reason why he thinks relationships are more difficult now.  Back then, there was nowhere near as much access to people in the world as there is now.  As he said, the person in the house you could walk to was your forever, lol.  Nowadays, people can pretty much contact anyone they want anytime.  There's always that yearning of "maybe there's someone better out there for me."  With that mindset, whomever you choose to share your time with, at that moment, doesn't have a fair shot...and neither does that relationship.

Many people are caught up in the fiction that lies inside of television on both spectrums.  Whether you watch the class act that is The Jersey Shore or the lets-be-real, oh so romantic, Bachelor, people subconsciously are expecting those types of unions.  Those who arent mentally strong enough, will look for what they see ignoring, the fact that their favorite psuedo-relationship ends with a director yelling "cut!"  Things and people aren't always as they seem.

People need to put aside their hang-ups and put themselves on the table.  Being real, as much as it's celebrated, is a hard thing to do.  To become vulnerable with someone you care about, isn't an easy feat,  but it will have the best outcome.  That is what will truly benefit the man and woman involved.  A lot of the relationships now are missing the foundational things.  If someone looks good and they have X, Y, and Z, people believe that they are good to go.  The person that looks great on paper, however, may not be the one for you.  

My thoughts: the same way that you invest in things you love or believe in, invest in your relationship...and from the ground up.  Treat it like it your very own baby.  Love it, cherish it, nurture it.  The basics of getting to know someone and forming a relationship are still just as important as the gold stars that a person comes with. 

Live. Laugh. Love.

Until next time...keep the forward movement....

Rated: ADULT...The Big Ohhhhhhhh

Orgasm: the physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ and usually accompanied in the male by ejaculation. I find it so interesting that in the main definition it only includes what it looks like for men. True, you can see a man's ejaculation, but women orgasm too....or do we?

I saw an article on Essence.com about a young lady that faked her "finish" (You can view this article here) and it got me thinking about why a lot of women do that. Now, this is a topic that is consistantly on the tongues of women across the country and still, so many women are allowing men to believe that they're doing something they're not. My friends and I discuss it all the time and find that with maturity and comfort within yourself, your views and actions become better. Here are a few reasons why I believe women let this happen.

• Men are fragile....and although some of them may be offended by this, it's true. As strong as men are, deep down, they tend to be as sensitive if not more than women. I've heard alot of women say "he's great and it feels good, but I'm not getting all the way there." They're too afraid to tell the man that assuming that he will get angry.

• A lot of women have never had an orgasm , so they don't even know what they're looking for. How can you tell your man what to do, if you don't know and have specific ways to tell him? Men need concrete instructions and you need to be to be able to tell him without him having to guess. Take the time to learn what you want and love and teach him the way. I'm sure this will be the best learning experience he's ever had :).

• Many women are settling. Whether they want to admit or not, some women are content in their lack of orgasm and only consider the man's pleasure...and ladies...that simply isn't fair. Being intimate with someone is built for enjoyment from BOTH sides and it's the most amazing at the point when two people are satisfied.

Ladies, a man who cares about you, will care about pleasing you as well, sometimes, more than pleasing himself. If expressed with care and respect, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he takes you exactly where you need to be :).

What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you've ever been in this situation? Ladies, sound off!


Until next time...keep the forward movement...