Timing is key. How many times have you heard this? At some point or another in life, you are destined to hear that it's not the right time. The right time for what you ask?....for what you so desperately want. It's weird how the things that you desire the most, are the ones that takes the longest to come to you...if they come at all. I usually can hear the voice of my parents, and the elders of my family when I discuss my disdain for the very things that I want and don't have, and it usually says "it's not your time yet." In the midst of my frustration, I refuse to understand it, even though I know it makes sense. In the last few weeks, there have been little things that I didn't get exactly when I wanted and I'm so grateful.
Almost a month ago, I signed up for an event. Every time I tried to solidify those plans, something came up. It really started to irritate me because things kept getting in the way of me committing to that event. I didn't know it then, but a few weeks later, I ended up purchasing a ticket out of state for another engagement that was more important. I was so happy that I hadn't committed to that event because it would've made things more difficult for me. It just wasn't the right TIME....
Last week, I purchased a new bed. I was also making plans to go to Mexico. I found a great deal on a luxury hotel and immediately wanted to book it. "A deal like this won't last longer than a minute," I said to myself, so I reached for my wallet. To my surprise and terror, my card was missing. I totally lost it, lol. I've never lost my bank card before, so I panicked. I called, cancelled it, and ordered a new one. Once again, I found myself in a frustrated position because I wouldn't be able to get the hotel that day as I planned earlier. For the rest of the day and night, I kept thinking of how I'd book my hotel regardless. The very next day, a couple of friends who initially said they would go, asked me if I could push back the trip a few months. Of course I obliged and it made more sense. Sometimes, I can be a little impulsive and impatient :)...like I said earlier...I want it NOW, so I went off of what I was thinking at the moment. After I agreed, I thought to myself "thank God I didn't book that resort!" Because of the low rate, it would've been NON-REFUNDABLE!!!! Once again, the feeling of gratitude crept across my spirit and I was so happy that I didn't just toss that money away. It just wasn't the right TIME.....
I'm a sucker for technology. I'm a blackberry feen but when the latest iphone came out with face talk, I was sold. Though it was really hard, I'd come to terms with ending my relationship with my beloved blackberry. I tried and failed THREE times when I went to pre-purchase it on the apple website. I called AT&T several times, never got through, and within one day of the pre-purchase launch, they shut their website down to any sales for that phone. I decided to leave it alone. I figured, there were my signs as to why I should wait, but everytime I heard about it, I tried again. Finally, after two weeks, I gave up and figured I'd let them get all the kinks out and then purchase it in a few months. A few days ago, my brother called to rub it in my face how fabulous and superior his phone was to mine. That fueled my desire to ignore all the other signs and purchase it later on this week. On my drive home yesterday, I happened to check an email and low and behold, it was about my beloved iphone to be and.....it's RE-CALL! I literally laughed out loud. God must've been looking down at me, shaking his head, and saying "she is soooooo hard-headed." Once again, I was shown that it clearly was not the time for me to purchase that phone and with that, I saved over $300. Eventually, I will purchase it, but it just wasn't the right TIME...
My best friend and another very close friend of mine lost their parents within the last year. Before all of that happened, they were making plans to move. You get to an age where you really need to start making adult moves which sometimes includes leaving your family and starting over in a new place. For some reason, no matter how much they wanted and planned to leave, it never quite worked out for them and now they and I know. They had to be there to spend the last precious moments with their loved ones. They had to share laughs, stories, words of encouragement, and prayers. They had to be there to bury them. Coincidentally, they are both firstborns and me being a firstborn, understands all too well, the responsibility that we hold. God allowed them to be a part of the last moments of lives that had formed them into the strong women that they are. So even though, they were angry in the fact that things weren't going the way they wanted, it went exactly the way it needed to go. Any earlier than that just wasn't the right TIME:
Whether it be a smaller situation like not getting a new phone or missing a trip, to a bigger one like being with your perfect mate or sharing the last few moments with a loved one, everything happens at the PERFECT TIME....and it's not usually on your schedule. All of the time, it's on God's time table and it's never at the wrong time. Hindsight it 20/20 and you can see and understand things clearly. The problem is that you're trying to see and understand while you're in the midst of things and for the most part, that is impossible. In your times of frustration, impatience, and uncertainty, God's preparing you for whatever you desire. Whether we admit it or know it, we're not always prepared for what we think we are. Rather than receiving it whether it be a job, money, goal, or relationship, it's better that we get it when we are truly prepared so that we don't sabotage the gift in any form.
Know and truly believe that YOUR TIME IS COMING! Enjoy the journey and take everything you need out of the preparation process. If you do that, everything will fall into place because TIMING IS EVERYTHING.
I'm sure many of you know that this weekend Carmelo Anthony and his former fiancee Lala, got married. All the blogs and websites kept congratulating them and saying things like "the eternal fiancee has finally snagged herself a husband" and other things along those lines. At first, I laughed, but when I really thought about it, it stopped being funny, at least in that way. For those of you who don't know, Lala and Carmelo have been engaged for 5 years, live together, and have a son together. For years, people have been calling Lala stupid for being with him when it was so obvious (to them) that he was never actually planning on marrying her. They even nicknamed her "the eternal fiancee". It boggles my mind how so many people can make such deep judgements about someone they don't know. I know that the media has it so that they're in your face every five seconds, so you may feel like you know them, but you don't. Never once, did anyone give her the benefit of the doubt or even give him the benefit of the doubt as to why the conclusion of their union was taking so long. Come to think of it, what's too long? Who defines that? The right time for someone to get married varries within each relationship and that time frame is for no one but the two involved to decide.
About six months ago, there were a few articles that Lala and Carmelo did that went in depth, for the first time, about their relationship. He surprised everyone by saying that he's been ready to get married, but it's Lala who wanted to hold off because she wanted to be in the right place for herself before she became his wife. Wow! Who would've thought? Usually, it's men who drag their feet when it comes to marriage, but she wanted to take her time and for a very good reason, I might add. Often, men do this. They make sure they're in the right position in life before they make such a committment. I guess us women are always ready to some degree and usually before our counterparts. Lala was smart enough to know and be secure enough in the love and life that the two of them created together, that she needed no one else's approval on her time frame, but her fiancee and God. This really got me thinking.
There are so many relationships that don't make it because they let the words and opinions of others dictate their actions. When dealing with love, trust your instincts, your heart, and your mind. NOONE, friends & family included, needs to understand the dynamics of your union except for you, your man/woman, and God. Pray about it & DO YOU. You and your spouse will definetly have the last laugh. You'll laugh all the way to alter and laugh through your wonderful life together because you trusted your partner, yourself, and most importantly God.
Ladies: When a man isn't ready....there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Think about it....I'll let you take it in. While you're doing that, fight your natural urge to think of all the things that force you to believe otherwise. Believe me, I understand your need to legitimize all the objections that you have in your mind to that statement, but doing that will only make things more hurtful when you do realize. It'll bring you to a place where you're a couple who ends up always looking like this:
Within the last two weeks, two of my friends have had the very same thing happen in their relationships. It's crazy how they mirrored each other living completely different lives and having completely different relationships. They have been with their boyfriends for a long time and are at that pivotal moment in the relationship where you start to wonder "where is this going?" Unfortunately for them, both of their men aren't where they need to be. They're in that place where a lot of us find ourselves at one point or another: what is my purpose in life and how am I going to fulfill it? The thing is, for men, this holds so much more weight. Ultimately, he will have to oneday, be the head of a household. Even if he chooses to never marry and/or have children, society doesn't respect a man who can't provide for at least, himself. Even though we know this, our love and emotion for him never can fully understand or respect it. We just don't get it.
Think about it. Ladies, you know how we are. We bend over backwards and do everything he asks. We even do the things he doesn't ask for. You practically play "future wife" hoping that he sees the humongous and quite heavy, invisible sign you're wearing that says "I'd be the perfect wife for you," lol. Honestly, even though you care about or love that man, if you knew without a doubt that there was no future for the two of you, you'd go invest your time elsewhere. After doing all of this....he still DOESN'T know!..*insert crazy and surprised face here*. It can be as simple as him not knowing if he wants to be exclusive with you, to him not knowing if he wants to marry you. Now the frustration begins to mount and from that moment on, it never goes away. Every single thing he says is mentally scrutinized because your insecurity levels rise. You start thinking what else you can possibly do to make him see how great you are, how much you love him, and how many qualities you have that would make you a great future mate. Tick, tock, tick, tock...yea, that's the time going by along with the decrease of your patience. You start to criticize and belittle yourself. Many times, most women will think that something is wrong with them. Maybe he doesn't like_____, or maybe I'm too______, or if I would've done_______, he'd want to commit/marry me. It just makes so much sense because what else could be holding him back? Well, in time, experience, and my vast number of conversations with many people, I've learned something that though hard to swallow, is the truth: it's not about you.
Think about all the adult responsibilities you have now. You take care of them daily and don't even stop and think about it. Why?...because you were prepared for it. You had your youth where you learned little by little to balance things and to deal with situations and responsibility accordingly. Therefore, by the time you reached your adulthood, you could handle your responsibilities fluidly. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you had to deal with all those things when you were a child? Even moreso, think about if you had to handle the tasks and responsibilities of someone twice your age with twice the experience and twice the financial stability. You would inevitably fail. Why?...because you're simply not ready...and that ladies, is men.
It's not that they don't want you or that you're not good enough. It's that they're not ready and the smart ones know that if they do something that they aren't prepared for, they will undoubtedly FAIL. I'm not talking about the men who play around because they are everywhere, but this is about the men who are getting themselves together for the future and who eventually want a mate. Most of the time, we don't see that because we're so in love, but the euphoria that comes from being in love shuts it's eyes to reality. Therefore, he'll go from the man who gave you everything, to the one who can't support you and/or your family. He'll go from the man who was always so calm to the frustrated angry man who refuses to talk to you anymore. Your frustration will lead you away from your sweet and supportive self to a nagging, unsupportive, and unhappy person. Now if you had just waited until he was ready or until the time was right, it would be a completely different situation. Not only does the man have to be ready, but most importantly, God has to give you His green light. Everything great happens in His perfect timing.
Everyone has their own situation, relationship, and timing. I ran across an article today on Essence.com about a lady who dated her husband for 17 years before they got married. You can view that interesting article here. Now let me go ahead and say, I am in NO WAY saying to wait forever for a man at all! In her case, 17 years for most people is ludicrous and personally, I don't think anyone deserves that much time. No one man or woman is guaranteed forever, so you must follow your heart and trust your instincts. What I found interesting about her story was that she finished by saying that it was worth the wait and things were so much better because he was READY. Initially, he was in a bad place, unstable, and hadn't found himself. By the time they got married, he was where he needed to be to be a great husband and a better father. As much as I roll my eyes at her timeline, I can't help but understand the lesson learned. Had she married that lost, confused, unstable, and angry man, that relationship wouldn't have had a chance at longevity, but because she waited, they're happily married.
Another part that I noticed in her story and in stories I've either heard or experienced is that her man never told her what he was thinking, so she was completely unaware that he really wanted to marry her, but needed to find himself first. He just bottled it up. Fellas, I know you aren't the greatest communicators, especially in comparison to us, but not saying anything is NO GOOD! We don't know what you're thinking and if you keep us in the dark long enough, we'll end up latching on to some other man who is all too happy to shed some light. In a nutshell, men need to find ways to communicate what they're thinking and feeling to the woman they love. It doesn't have to be in the form of a two-hour conversation, but nothing, is eventually going to push us so far away from you that we're no longer within your reach.
Before I go, I just want to say, especially to the ladies that are reading this, listen to your mind, trust your heart, and follow your instincts because they will never lead you wrong. We have a tough time giving men the benefit of the doubt because there are so many that do such negative things, but for every one man that's playing around, there's one that's a good man getting himself together in preparation for the beginning of his lineage and ultimately his legacy.
Whenever my Mr. Right is ready and asks me.....I'M READY... ;)
In today's world, there's text messaging, skype, email, bbm'ing, google chat, instant messaging, and all the social networks you could handle. There is a ridiculous amount of ways to keep in touch (sometimes stalk, lol) someone nowadays. Technology has made is so that you can never speak to someone and miss not one beat. It's pretty convenient when you think of it. No longer does your long distance love have to cool down until the next time you see each other; with the click of a mouse, you can view and 'enjoy' your honey (as best as possible anyway) via skype video...or so I've heard, lol. With all these ways to connect and maintain communication, the simple phone call seems like a thing of the past and is beginning to be a faint memory. The many forms of "talking" have taken the place of actually picking up the phone and calling someone. Although these things are more convenient, they can't take the place of and will never be as personal as a phone call.
Men usually make excuses when it comes to this. I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there from this perspective because 1. I'm a woman and 2. this is how I feel. Oftentimes, you'll find that men don't really care whether you call or not or what form of communication you use to reach them. You can understand the importance of a phone call if you listen to the apparant grunts and groans of many women when it comes to their man not doing it. He thinks, regardless of the mode of delivery, the message still got there....very logical. A woman, on the other hand, thinks the opposite...it's not exactly the message, but the method of delivery....completely emotional. Neither side is right or wrong. It is what it is because men and women will always be the way they are and if you try to fight that, you'll end up very frustrated.
Speaking from the woman's perspective, nowadays we understand the convenience of texting and all the other ways. Hell, we do it too, so obviously we like it, but every now and then, CALL. In my mind, if you really care about a person, hearing their voice sometimes, shouldn't be torture for you. This doesn't have to occur all day, everyday but at least make the effort. Sometimes it's the simple things. Technology makes it convenient for you to send an e-card, but how about you ask for her address and send her one that she can cherish and keep, versus the one that expires in 30 days. Yes, it's quicker to send her a text telling her that you miss her and are thinking of her (believe me we save every one :) lol), but, it in no way, compares to hearing your voice saying the very same thing. It's PERSONAL. It's less convenient which means you took the time out and women desire that. We desire the EFFORT from you because you don't and won't do it for everyone and that makes it even more special.
Before I go, I must say something to my FELLAS: No, you may not want to call, but compromise. When you care about someone, you do things to make them happy. No, you don't need to change who you are, but making the effort and calling every now and then isn't going to kill you. It's going to show her that you care enough to do the little things that makes her happy....and I'll add that it doesn't matter whether you're in a relationship or not. I know a lot of men who love to use that excuse when they don't want to do something, but caring about and being connected to someone gives the middle finger to titles. You obviously care enough, otherwise you wouldn't deal with anything. Now for my LADIES: Don't expect him to all of a sudden start doing what you want him to as many times as you want him to. The key word for us is compromise as well. I'll admit, (and you should too), that sometimes we as women tend to expect from a man not what he's shown, but what we've created in our minds....and unfortunately it only makes things worse. They get upset because we're upset and technically they've done nothing. I used to be so upset that whoever I was dating wasn't calling as much as I'd like him and I'd take it personal. Now, I don't necessarily need calls all day, everyday, but I do like calls sometimes coupled with all the other modes of communication. Appreciate all the little things and don't dismiss his effort.
At the end of the day, men and women will overall continue to function and think in the exact manner that they do. This doesn't mean that you can't evolve or make exceptions. Don't fight it. If you care enough, you'll either get on board or jump ship and make room for someone else!
The new year always springs forth committments (lies, lol) to getting into shape. Some of us make the effort because we're overweight and/or have associated health risks/issues that come with carrying excess weight. Others make the effort for vanity reasons alone. They think of the summer months and the projected nudity that comes with it, lol. Regardless of your motives, the same rule applies to everyone: you are what you eat.
Throughout the first half of the year and now, I've lost weight and maintained my good figure, but it would surprise me how things happened from week to week. For weeks, I'd do heavy cardio, weight training, and eat regularly and I'd lose a few pounds or stay the same. Then there'd be a week that I couldn't work out, and to compensate, I'd eat healthier and smaller portions since I wasn't exercising. Regardless, I'd reluctantly step on the scale with my heart beating fast and my eyes almost shut knowing that if I saw a hint of what I didn't like, my dramatic antics would ensue. I took a few breaths and looked down. To my surprise, I'd lost four pounds! After doing my 'dance of joy', I started thinking how eating and working out affects a person. After pondering to no avail, I left it alone.
A few days later, I was watching a show that dealt with a man who was trying to lose weight and overcome his family's history of obesity. He had been on a diet for the past five months that required him to eat sensibly and exercise. Well, despite knowing this, he worked out, but ate most of whatever he wanted, which wasn't very healthy. In his mind, he felt that his working out would negate everything he ate, so eat he did. When he went in for his 5 month check up, his doctor and dietician gave him a rude awakening. They explained to him that when it comes to losing and/or maintaing your weight, what you eat is 75% and working out is 25%. He had increased his total body fat percentage. Wow!!! Who would've ever thought that all those workouts are in vain when you don't monitor what and how much you're eating. That's when it all clicked!
Portion control and quality is the most important thing. If you go to your local grocery store or even watch television, you'll be bombarded with the 100-calorie packs of most foods that are pre-packaged. The first thing that comes to mind is 'diet food', but if you look at the ingredients, you'll find that there's no difference between that and the other containers. The food isn't different, the portion is. Often times, you eat all of something simply because it's there, not because you weren't satisfied midway through the meal. Because of this, you end up consuming way more calories that necessary. By portion controlling, whether it's through pre-package items, or portioning at home, you will give yourself and your body the habit of eating less and being satisfied. When you get the hang of this, you'll find yourself hungrier not because you didn't eat enough, but because your metabolism is speeding up since it's not bogged down by loads of heavy foods and inconsistant eating. Alot of people lose a lot of weight without even working out, though I enjoy and recommend it. They just change their portions. Of course it's important to make healthier choices, but in order to a make a life long change, you must balance the good with the bad in order not to deprive yourself. In essence...everything in moderation.
Here's to wishing you the sexiest summer possible!!!! :)
A few weeks ago, I came home completely exhausted and all I wanted to do was get in bed. As I began to undress, I began thinking about where my energy went. Seven months ago, I wasn't as productive as I am now. Sure there were plenty of things that I wanted to do, but things kept me from beginning to work on them. I gave all my energy to the day. I gave it to my job and to all the things that everyone needed me to do for them. When I finally sat down to do something for myself, there came something or someone else that had to come before me. By the time, I'd get around to accomplishing my task, I'd be too tired or didn't have the time anymore. That day, when I wanted to lay down, reminded me of the old, unproductive me. It had me questioning what my actions reflected. When I realized what I had been doing, I became frustrated and disappointed. All this time, I've been giving my energy to work. Everyday, you give and give and give of yourself to help build or continue somebody else's dream. By the time you're done slaving for them, you have nothing left for yourself. So day after day, month after month, and year after year, the excuses that you've made legitimate to yourself, keep you from accomplishing the things you so desperately desire. You end up frustrated and even further away from your true destiny. Your words say that you want to do so many great things, but your actions show that you are not willing to make the effort and sacrifice.
No matter where you are in life, you can always change your circumstances. You can change the fact that you're not actively working toward your goal by changing your actions. Here are a few ideas that I suggest and have done myself:
Make Yourself a Priority:This the most important one to me, because if you understand this, then everything usually falls into place. I don't know about you, but no matter how highly I think of myself, I tend to push myself and my projects aside sometimes and help someone else. While that is a nice thing, you must learn how to balance, and sometimes the true balance, is knowing that you must make yourself the priority. You truly can't be your best to someone else if you're not giving the same respect to your personal projects and desires.
Make a To-Do List:Whether you choose to make a daily, weekly, or monthly list, make one and actually accomplish the things you put on there! Put things on there that are attainable and are on route to taking you to where you want to be. DO NOT make a new one with new tasks when you haven't completed the things on the first list. Most people are visual and by writing things down, you'll be able to be aware of where you really are and what you really need to do.
Complete at least one task a day: One may seem insignificant, but when you're consistantly doing one more thing, it will add up to alot. If you're working throughout the day, this is also a great way to keep from neglecting your personal projects. Even if you're tired from a long day, you can still complete one task. Remind yourself of where you want to be and acknowledge how negative you feel in your current reality. That will definately motivate you to fight through your fatigue. Depending on the task, you can certainly do more than one, but don't do less...that means you're doing NOTHING.
Celebrate the achievements...even the small ones: Getting where you want to be doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy at all. Sometimes we get so wrapped up pushing to be where we want, that we ignore and dismiss the small victories and accomplishments. You become more negative because your focus is more on what you haven't accomplished versus what you have. The joy that comes from acknowledging the progress you've made motivate you to continue moving foward!
I'll leave you with the saying that never gets old: "actions speak louder than words." Go silently shout through your actions!
In life, you must take chances. You can't just simply wish things into existence, you must take action. A month or so ago, I saw a contest on oprah.com and decided to enter. As I began to think of concepts for my entry, I decided against entering. I felt that so many would be trying out and it was pointless for me to enter because I had no chance. My own insecurities caused me to dismiss a great opportunity. As much as I knew that that was the wrong the decision, I didn't change my mind right then. A few weeks passed and I came across an entry from a contestant. As I viewed it, I kept thinking to myself "I can do so much better than that." Then another thought entered my mind: "the nerve of me to be judging someone else's entry when I didn't even have the confidence to enter myself." At that moment is when I decided not to allow my fears to dictate my actions and I entered the contest. Whether I win or not, I took the chance and that is what's most important. I took ACTION and until you take action, nothing will happen. If you continue to take action and work toward your goal, there is no option other than for it to all work out!
View my entry below and be sure to place as many votes as you can! Click here to vote for my video!
Certified Life Coach. Editor for Fearless Magazine. Life Coach Contributor for Hope for Women Magazine. Contributor for www.thefreshxpress.com. Lover of God. Driven. Intelligent. Fashionista. Motivated. Disciplined. Beautiful. Visionary. Author. Public Speaker. Entrepreneur. Successful....these are some of the things that describe me. I am all about moving forward and progressing toward achieving all that my heart desires. I believe in embracing all of my talents and not locking in to one aspect of my interests. Feel free to send me a message on specifics of what I do and projects that I am available for. Be blessed.
Posts
